tavie.com

I wish I could sleep all weekend. I'm supposed to go on some sort of lunchtime foliage cruise or something tomorrow with my mom and my aunt, and then to Andrew's for a horrorfest (only I wish it wasn't a FISTFA* night because I'm not really feeling up to socializing) but if I had my druthers I'd just hole up right here in my nice comfy bed and sleep for 48 hours straight.

*Monthly nerd gathering held by Uncle Tom and Andrew and their roommate Tom, attended faithfully by my company-starved pater et mater. I still haven't gotten too far with the Heinlein books that Tom lent me in July, although I did finish The Puppet Masters and two or three of the short stories. I just don't really read much lately at all. I feel guilty because I've been borrowing this guy's books for so long. I did like the story about the teenaged girl who lived on the moon and liked to fly in the low gravity with man-made wings.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:42 PM | shower me with attention

Thursday, October 13, 2005

I was so tired I went to bed at 9:30 pm but then I couldn't fall asleep.

Now it's almost midnight, what the fuckety hell? I swear I was about to pass out at 9:30. Now nothing. Wide awake. 2 hours of not sleeping. It could drive a person crazy. Maybe I should try sleeping somewhere else, like the couch or the tufon.

My mom said (in IM) to imagine I'm in a quiet place I really like (PETER PAN RIDE!) or smell some lavender (DON'T HAVE ANY!)

I think I'll try the crossword.

It's a dark and stormy night.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:44 PM | shower me with attention

Today was so, so, so, so boring.

I also felt like poop. I was going to go home early because I was so sick and sleepy and headachey. Then Cram* came over and offered me a Diet Coke. It cured me. Thank you, Cram.

*Guy in my department - not his real name.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 8:16 PM | shower me with attention

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Stupid Girl neglected to bring an umbrella with her this morning. In fact, she proudly announced to her roommate that she "doesn't believe in umbrellas" and "wouldn't be outside that long anyway".

When Stupid Girl got out of the subway, the rain turned into a DOWNPOUR OF BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS, and Stupid Girl got COMPLETELY soaked on the block-and-a-half walk to work. Utterly. She entered the office with her pants plastered to her, water literally streaming down her face and into her eyes, her hair dripping, her shoes squelching on the carpet as she walked.

Stupid Girl squelched straight over to the Reference Dept., where her bestest friend of 20 years, Practical Girl, took the socks off her own feet and gave them to Stupid Girl to wear. All day long, Stupid Girl walked around the office in warm, thick, white cotton socks. It felt a little funny, like she was walking around her bedroom. (Practical Girl also shared her soup with Stupid Girl, and gave her some sugar-free Mentos, which she had long been coveting, and bought her a soda. Practical Girl is getting treated to lunch on Friday.)

Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:04 PM | shower me with attention

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Is this a cold or am I allergic to autumn?

Couldn't/can't (STILL) sleep a wink. I hurt from the top of my head to the base of my throat.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 8:19 AM | shower me with attention

Let's count sheep.

One.

Ummm...

Two.

Three?

Baaaaaaaaaaaaa(h).

Why are you in Tavie's head? 12:34 AM | shower me with attention

Monday, October 10, 2005

Oh my god, Miss Grumpypants, what's in your craw? Why are you such a gloomy old crabby stickinthemud?

I don't know how PrinceoDarkness dealt with me at work today, I was completely horrible. Not to him-- he remains a cheering, amusing and calming influence-- but near him, such hateful, nasty grumpiness and crabbings. It's a good thing he's so practiced at ignoring the annoying.

Clearly-- okay, clearly we are chemically imbalanced and perhaps we should speak to our therapists about this but we don't want to because we don't feel particularly comfortable with our therapists and therefore only go to them for refills-- but does this mean we are allowed to succumb to this, and become brooding, hateful, self-pitying, nasty, negative, two-faced, rotten, self-loathing, people-loathing beings?

[ASIDE: On American Dad, there is a scene of teenagers playing Magic: The Gathering or Dungeons & Dragons-- both G & C say, "Tavie, look at the screen!" -- FOR THE LAST TIME, I HAVE NEVER PLAYED EITHER OF THESE GAMES!!!]

Ahem. Anyway. Okay. So, the headaches. Perhaps I should see a doctor. Perhaps I shouldn't have not-shown-up for that eye doctor's appointment, or perhaps I shouldn't drink Diet Coke and caffeinated tea every day and pretend it's not a problem just because it's not coffee. (Perhaps I shouldn't have gone to the ball. Perhaps I shouldn't have gone after that harp. Yes, perhaps you shouldn't have.)

Neverthefuckingless: no more brooding. No more seething. No more bratty comments after people leave your desk just because they're doing their jobs and you don't feel like doing yours. (I do it anyway, I just bitch about it and now I'm bitching about things that are my job to do and I have no right to complain about them.)

Enough. I'm putting my foot down. If I refuse to be happy, or am incapable of being happy, at least I can be pleasant.

I have great friends, really long hair, a fantastic apartment, sweet parents, a first-name relationship with the Kids in the Hall, a trip to Japan coming up, Dance Dance Revolution, two healthy cats and a healthy turtle, and magnificent legs. And I am not stupid and not untalented. (No backspacing over the last part. Nope. Don't. Leave it there.)

Why do we always dwell on what we don't have? We are spoiled morons.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:42 PM | shower me with attention

Sunday, October 09, 2005

I'm empty.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:53 PM | shower me with attention

A very cozy weekend it's been. I slept ungodly long yesterday, from something like 11 pm to 2 pm. Beautiful. Cheryl's parents and aunt were down from Rhode Island and Gina made a big dinner for us all. Kit and her dad drove over to pick up the stuff she's been keeping here at our apartment and they ended up staying for dinner, so the eight of us were around the table and it was all very lovely.

I finished the sweater and although it's still pretty pathetic, the flower at least made it wearable.

It's cold out so I feel like knitting again. Maybe I'll even finish a certain pair of socks I've owed someone for three years... (I'm like a toe away from finishing them, it's sad.)

Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:08 PM | shower me with attention

Well, I finally finished that disaster of a sweater I've been knitting for the past +1 year. (Hint: it came out nothing like in the picture, because I knitted the front up too small and the neck hole way too large.)

I have a cunning plan that may save the neckhole and thus the sweater, involving some creative sewing and a large knitted flower.

Wish me godspeed.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:02 PM | shower me with attention