: : : notes from the hob : : :

Steve is the cutest thing...really! He was too much of a gentleman to say that the reason I dragged him to the store was because I was trying to give Tavie enough time to finish cleaning Mint Manor (I'm sure I felt bad!)! I was so tired the night before that I only did a little prelimenary cleaning and was going to get up early and do the rest. Steve called 5 min before my alarm went off and told me he was getting on the train at 33rd street. Well, I flew out of bed, ran in and woke Tavie and forced her to get out of bed to clean. After a very quick shower I drove to get Steve, praying I wasn't late...I wasn't!
He was also very sweet about the fact that we had to sit around and wait for the repairman that never showed up!
I think he enjoyed himself anyway and I'm glad.

Wednesday, October 17, 2001

Such a weird trip to school today. First thing I notice on the PATH is that they changed the signs above the doors and the red line that I ride no longer goes straight, but curves around and goes to 33rd. Exchange Place and World Trade finally removed. I started to cry. Felt bad that I was sitting in front of strange people crying for reasons they could not figure out. As I'm sitting there trying to stop, a man walks throught he doors that kind of shocks me out of my tears. This man looked a lot like Dave only much much taller and much broader, he even had a gap in his teeth....couldn't stop staring at him...hope I didn't freak him out. Then I was walking slowly towards school, not wanting to go, I look up and see a sign that consist of a peace sign, a love sign and a figure of a penguin...Now that made me smile!

So we all seem to have the blues...
I spent the weekend at a cabin on a lake, someting I love to do more then almost anything. Tried to relax, tried to stare at the water and surrounding woods and think happy thoughts. Every time I went in to pee or eat or get something to drink I would stop at the T.V....I would say to myself that if it was regular programming then everything is okay...then I would hold my breath until I clicked the T.V. on and it would show me that everything was well...sigh of relief, outsided I go...try to push away all bad thoughts, try to relax. I'm glad I went away, even with my "Doomsday Sister" thoughts working overtime I think it did some good.
Doomsday Sisters is what my siblings and I call my mom and my aunt when they get on the phone and go on and on about gloom and despair. This has been since I was young. I would hate to have to hear their conversations now. I tried to call my parents for a bit of comfort a couple of weeks ago and instead had a long talk with my Doomsday Sister and I was sorry I called.