tavie.com

Chronicle the rest of the day, because it's a good one, and you want to remember the good ones:

Bear mountain. Hike, picnic. Drive home. Cheryl and Mush and I went swimming. Then Cheryl drove Mush home while Gina and I made dinner and watched the end of Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves (the Alan Rickman factor); then C. came home and we tried to watch Wilde (while I swatched some baby alpaca yarn for maybe some lace gloves), but the DVR let us down; so we put on Celebrity Poker Showdown for background noise and we played Texas Hold 'Em. (I won.) Then we had drinks and watched Blackadder and started putting together the Tigger photomosaic puzzle Steph's mom gave me. I hadn't done a puzzle in, I don't know, let's say 16 years or so. It makes me feel both very young (like a kindy-gartener) and very old (like a senior citizen.)

That was the conclusion of today. It was, all in all, a much more satisfactory day than any day I've had lately. It was absent of that frozen numbness, punctuated by black, painful gloom and despair. There's something so, so wrong with me. I don't want to worry anyone more than necessary so I don't talk about it nearly as much as I feel it. Contrary to my moping on the blog, I've never more than skimmed the surface. It's not the place. It's no one's business. But I will keep track of the breaks in the sadness. Those are good things. Did I mention how I saw Buddy Holly in the clouds? I did, before. It was so good to see him. He was lying on his stomach peering down at the world, in profile. It might have been anyone in glasses, but it was definitely Buddy Holly. I also saw a woman riding a swan, London Bridge, Winnie the Pooh and a friendly troll.

I started to imagine I was flying and had the loveliest daydream, sitting in the front seat riding back from Bear Mountain while Joshua Tree (Mush's choice) was playing. Of all things. Not that I particularly like or dislike U2, but they'd never exactly inspired a daydream before. It might have been any music. But it happened to be Bono. I imagined I was flying above the car and up through the clouds, where Buddy Holly and the London Bridge were.

It may not seem so significant, but I've been unable to imagine things during the day. My fancies had all seemed to have left me. It was such a relief that I got a little teary-eyed, just for a second. I wouldn't want anyone to think it was the U2 song that made me emotional. It was just the daydream, and the fact of having one. Flying dreams, nonetheless. They're the best ones.

I wonder where they went.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:43 PM | shower me with attention