tavie.com

So, I got bad news about The Project today. It's being discontinued because of legal issues. They sounded really disappointed about it, but I was sort of half-expecting something like this the whole time. Still, if it had gone as I was planning it to, it could've been really neat.

Easy come, easy go, I guess... but, nevertheless: poop.

This weekend is Stephanie Pena's Birthday Extravaganza. She celebrates her birthday all month long. I like that...

Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:01 PM | shower me with attention

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Is there a point when drugs or alcohol no longer offer any pleasure to the addict, but they are unable to stop anyway?

I think that's what's happened with me and the internet. I'm still addicted, it's still floating around in my bloodstream, but there's nothing left for me anymore. AOL's dropping Usenet was just icing; I still check my newsgroups on Firebird, but there's nothing left in them.

The only thing I use the internet for now is to obsessively read blogs (which aren't updated, except for Boing Boing, my favourite), obsessively check my email (for what? I used to get reams and reams a day. Now the cupboard is very bare. And I'm glad, because when I do get real email, I keep it as new forever because I'm so tired of sitting in front of the computer) and obsessively read empty newsgroups. My attention span has been almost entirely erased by over a decade of daily, obsessive email and newsgroup checking.

Oh, god, what has happened to me?

I don't even play games anymore. I just click from blogs to email to newsgroups, and nothing is new, and I start the process all over again. Click, click, click. My eyesight has eroded, my attention span has eroded. My social life is curiously richer.

The only thing I really like to do anymore is read old Usenet threads on books or movies or songs or topics of discussion that I'm distracted by at any given moment. I do love Usenet for that.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:12 PM | shower me with attention

Santy Claus, who is off in Peru spending her money on girl drinks, is never going to get around to buying me the new computer battery and power cord she promised me, so I chomped the proverbial piece of ammunition and spent an enormous (for me) sum of money, ordering them online today.

Since I know Santy Claus lies about reading my blog, maybe she'll read this and feel guilty.

But that's very evil and passive-aggressive of me. Santy Claus owes me nothing. It is no good being a spoiled rotten brat: if you want things in this world, you'd do best to set about getting them for yourself. (Which isn't to say I wouldn't accept reimbursment from Santy Claus in this matter, because boy, would I.)

In other news, boy am I thirsty.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 8:00 PM | shower me with attention

I've gotten food all over my white blouse today. There's so much grease on it now it's practically transparent.

I'm my mother's daughter.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:11 PM | shower me with attention

My sister will shine tomorrow, exceed her wildest expectations, dazzle them, razzle-dazzle them, and maybe she'll go live far, far away for awhile.

Am I happy or sad? Excited or anxious? I'm both. I'm completely schizo about this. But I want her happy, I want it so bad. I'll be excited about anything that makes her excited.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 12:36 AM | shower me with attention

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Was anyone else a child in NYC in the '80's? Does anyone remember Infoquest?

No love for it on the web. Sad.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:12 PM | shower me with attention

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Aw, look what I found.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:31 PM | shower me with attention

I never say this, but damn. I need some new clothes.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:29 PM | shower me with attention

I really love how Dave refuses to pretend to look interested in the game of poker. There's nothing Phil can say to make him care about the game.

I love Dave.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:42 PM | shower me with attention

Monday, February 14, 2005

I think it actively gives me the creeps now when people call me Octavia.

What is wrong with me?

Something... about... names and identities. They're important. They mean something. Octavia's someone I have no control over. She's someone I'm forced to be. Tavie's who I really am. Octavia is formal and uptight. Tavie is relatively comfortable. It's important. It means something. It's not a split personality; they're both the same person. But they're also not. Octavia is like pants that don't fit. It's a high, stiff, starched collar. It's itchy. I don't like it.

Everyone says: Oh but it's so pretty.

So I guess Tavie's not pretty. Big news.

It wasn't always like this. I didn't really notice one way or another until 5th grade or so. There was a marked transition when I started mentioning it to my teachers at school, and I would fall in love with the teachers who actually remembered to call me Tavie. It was a gift they'd give me. I don't have a single friend that calls me Octavia. Octavia doesn't have friends. Octavia only has colleagues, teachers and strangers.

Girls in high school used to purposefully call me Octavia in snotty, sing-song tones, turning my name into an insult. I don't know. Maybe that's when I started to care too much. I don't know. Maybe.

Poor Octavia. I should let her have some fun, too.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:32 PM | shower me with attention

My mom and aunt are leaving for Peru tomorrow.

Inca wishes he could go and see the land of his ancient namesakes, but he's needed here for cuddling purposes.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:06 PM | shower me with attention

Happy Valentine's Day. I went carb-crazy last night, and so today I'm only allowed to eat meat.

I think I'll start by ripping out the hearts of the first pair of happy lovers I pass, and gnawing on them raw and bloody.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:06 AM | shower me with attention

So, I got to work early, I fell asleep early, it didn't snow, I caught the shuttle bus for the first time... everything about staying over last night at The Penthouse was perfect except for one thing: I have no work clothes there at the moment, which is why today I am at work dressed in ridiculous clothing, sort of like a goth Alice in Wonderland.

Well, no plan is perfect.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:03 AM | shower me with attention

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Gina showed me the first episode of Maude; I'd never seen it before.

I had not thought it was possible for me to love Bea Arthur any more than I already did, but then there was Maude...

I like it especially because it's 70's-ness reminds me of my childhood; Maude has the same haircut (and colour) my grandma used to have. (All in the Family reminds me of her because we used to watch it together, but that show depresses me in a way that Maude doesn't.)

I'm staying over at The Penthouse tonight. I hope it doesn't snow tomorrow.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:23 PM | shower me with attention

Weird weekend. I broke routine. It was nice. I liked it. I was uncharacteristically social. It's hard to get started, but it's good for you, like exercise.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 7:05 PM | shower me with attention