Goth Sunshine
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i've been feeling everything so intensely lately, like an exposed nerve. my theory is that i'm simply mourning the loss of the things i thought i had in my life here that i never really did, but always thought were possible. now that i'm moving, it's like finally putting a period at the end of these sentences. there are no more "maybe"'s. the finality feels brutal to me right now.
i just wrote a "goodbye" email to mr. man. we've barely been dating, especially lately, but i'm feeling it like a full-fledged breakup. i'm sure it won't take me quite as long comparably to get over it but for the time being i feel like an idiot.
a bad case of verbal diarrhea from Cheryl 21:21
truly i am okay...however, for the last couple of days, i've been in a bipolar-type situation complete with ADD episodes. i've been unhappy, brought on by situational issues :::coughboyscough:::, and this has led to me starting to do something then, before i'm done, i come to the conclusion that i don't want to do that anymore and i move on to something else. i constantly need distraction which is hard to come by right now. thankfully my friends mechelle and joe stopped by tonight and served as such for the time being. i find myself in, or wanting to curl up in, the fetal position much of the time and have found myself sitting and rocking back and forth. i'm restless but inert at the same time. i have so much to do but have completely shut down. i know this is for a very short amount of time...it just sucks while it's going on.
right now i am burning a copy of the "garden state" soundtrack whilst being up way way way past my bedtime.
i am sooooo ready to move...
a bad case of verbal diarrhea from Cheryl 01:39
(1) comments Wednesday, January 12, 2005
i've been involved in a months-long misunderstanding with a man. i just found this out now. i'd go into detail but i'm sure i'll get responses ranging from "he's an ass" to "he's an ass". i don't think the situation is as harsh as all that but i also know i have every right to be perturbed. i have an email in limbo demanding clarification on his part.
why can't i just cut him loose? it would only be fair to both him and myself. i'm a major wuss, that's why!
a bad case of verbal diarrhea from Cheryl 22:29
(1) comments Monday, January 10, 2005
dogsitting and now babysitting...aaahhh, you know i love it : )
i'm in a very strange mood. i know it's most pms (TMI?) but i'm going back and forth from craptacular to more than just okay. i don't know why this is but it's driving me more than a little crazy.
i made two mix CD's, each representing guys who trade places in my mind/libido (again, TMI), and i really can't think of a bigger waste of time but they sure are fun to listen to.
a bad case of verbal diarrhea from Cheryl 22:13
(2) comments Sunday, January 09, 2005
i'm home now after a weekend of dog-sitting. i had to fix a tarp covering the kennel because it became weighed down with rainwater. there must have been 50 pounds of water in that thing. i managed to empty the trapped water and straighten out the tarp but by the time i was done i was the dirtiest i think i've ever been. i tried to think of it like a mudbath/beauty treatment but i just felt disgusting : ) that was the best shower i can remember.
a bad case of verbal diarrhea from Cheryl 20:48
for as long as i can remember, i've been the sort to not post, blog, email, text msg or anything unless i either had something really important to report or in response to someone else despite having the best role models in my friends who post anything and everything that happens to them or comes to their minds (which i love and admire). but i tend to start typing and then think "no that sounds stupid, no one cares".
now i realize that *i* care and the fear that i'll feel like a jackass later should not preclude me from stating how i feel at any given moment. my friends would rather hear drivel from me than nothing at all.
bring on the drivel
today i asked for letters of recommendation from a couple of higher-ups at work. i've never been in the position where i needed to ask before and it's a rather strange situation for me. it's just not in my personality to ask someone to put in writing how great they think i am. i have never and would never think this of anyone else who has done this (and apparently everyone else has) but i felt i was giving off an air of conceit in doing so. however, the fact that neither of the people i approached hesitated even one second in pledging to write a letter for me made me feel sooo much better.
now if i could just get down to getting that resume updated...
i feel strange tonight. i'm just getting over a panic attack where i assumed i had locked myself out of a friend's house (since i've done it before) and threw a complete hissy fit for a considerable amount of time before realizing i had the house key on me the whole time.
but really, i'm not this much of a spaz *all* the time...no, really.
a bad case of verbal diarrhea from Cheryl 11:09