tavie.com

I don't think I've had an actual (I almost typed "acute", and that also works) real-life crush on someone since the fifth grade. I've found people cute, but most of my crushes since then have been directed towards the safety and faerie dust of the celebrity. It's easiest that way. The celebrities have so many sighs directed towards them that your voice gets lost in the chorus and it's nice and safe and fun.

So, real-life crushes, they're pretty useless. They're annoying. Not completely unpleasant, and they do give one something to think about besides the crossword puzzle. But then what? Not much.

I feel silly. That's all I'll let myself feel, because if I get too into it, I'll have to confront all sorts of self-esteem issues, and that's not fun. I'd rather think about crossword puzzles. So I'll just walk around feeling a bit silly and half-hoping it goes away, and half-hoping it doesn't.

But I won't put anyone in the embarrassing position of knowing they're the object of my puppylike affection. I've been trying to throw them off the track by dipping everyone's pigtails in the inkwell, but his are too tempting. I think I reach for them too much. I should pull back a bit.

It was easier in the fifth grade. I just ran after Danny Nicholson and tackled him to the ground, on one notable occasion. Doesn't work that way anymore...

Why are you in Tavie's head? 7:26 PM | shower me with attention