tavie.com

There was a nun in France holding a tablespoon of dough over a big, boiling pot of oil. Just as she dropped the dough in, she farted. Her skirts billowed. And thus the beignet, or "nun-fart", was born.

This is the story some lady just told on the Travel Channel. We all laughed.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:37 PM | shower me with attention

Gina's family is really awesome and after I had a giant frozen margarita I wasn't scared of them anymore so I asked them to fart and they did and we all laughed and Gina pretended to get mad.

Good times.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:42 PM | shower me with attention

No no no! You sick, sick people! Dignity! DIGNITY!

Why are you in Tavie's head? 12:45 PM | shower me with attention

Friday, May 23, 2003

I never used to like barbecue.

Turns out, I'd never actually tasted barbecue before tonight.

The hype is true. The burnt-ends at The Smokehouse was the most delicious barbecue I've ever tasted. It was so good, I went all Roseanne Roseannadanna... I thought I was gonna die.

In other news, Carly is still my best friend. She's such a good stinky doggie. We're in love.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:07 PM | shower me with attention

New York was cold and drizzly when I left. Kansas City was warm when I arrived. It's sunny here. It's green and lovely.

I met Gina's brother-in-law last night and her brother today. Her sister is at a baseball game. I'll meet her tonight. I'm nervous about meeting her. I don't know if she'll like me. Apparently, being worried whether or not she'll like you is the worst thing you can do.

Today we went to The Plaza, which is the prettiest mall I've ever been to. It's all about tiles and mosaics and fountains and outdoors. I refrained from going to the M.A.C. store because I am awesome. Although I've been thinking lately that I should start wearing makeup more often. But I'm not that awesome, because I'm off my diet here. This is an eating-bad-things-for-me vacation. It's heavenly. But please no out-of-control spiralling when I get home.

I saw all of Gina's old stuff-- her old house, her old schools, all that stuff that I like to collect about people. But so far my favourite part of Kansas City is Carly. Carly is Gina's sister's family's dog. She is beautiful. She's part German Shepherd and part Chow. She is my new best friend. I like to roll on the floor with her and scratch her hairy belly. My favourite thing is her dog breath. It's so warm and stinky. I love her drooly dog breath. This is the best dog I've ever met. This is also the most time I've ever spent with a dog. I have almost no real-time dog experience. So I should be really a lot scareder of them, and I am pretty bad at telling her no, because I can't say no to a doggie.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 5:11 PM | shower me with attention

Thursday, May 22, 2003

Tonight I'm flying to Kansas City, Missouri to meet Gina's family and taste some of the famous bbq that she's been talking about for years.

I feel oddly like a girlfriend going to meet her Significant Other's parents for the first time, despite the fact that Gina's parents will not be there (boo!) and that Gina is not, by the traditional definition, my Significant Other (although she is a very significant person in my life.)

I suppose I'll have to check my duffel bag even though it's small enough to take as carry-on, because I refuse to go without my knitting and I don't know if they'll let me take the needles on as carry-on. I think I read that some airlines are now allowing it, though. I should check that out.

Speaking of my knitting, I was a brave girl yesterday and frogged ("rip out several rows of stitches at a time and start again") a bunch of rows on my Sitcom Chic sweater. Frogging is very hard to do because it is, in a sense, admitting defeat, and it's also difficult to rethread the needles through the loose stitches, especially when your row is 200 stitches long. But I did it fairly seamlessly, so I'm proud of myself.

So, off to the Midwest with me. I'll be back Monday. But for right now, I must finish sorting those African Studies catalogues. Jealous?

Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:57 AM | shower me with attention

Wednesday, May 21, 2003

Last ceramics class tonight. Semester officially over. Very tired. Sneezed nonstop for the whole three and a half hours. Still sneezing. After wash hair, take Benadryl.

My friend peeked and found out what grade teacher's giving me: an astounding B. Was sure I'd get a D. Now average won't be dragged down. Can't believe I got a B, considering the ugly crap I put out. My presentation went okay. I went last. Nobody had much to say about my crap. I used some reverse psychology to get positive feedback on one of my pieces. That was smart of me. I tricked them into thinking it was good by saying, "I'll start with this piece, which is a dismal failure." For some reason that made them jump to tell me what they liked about it, including the teacher. I'm a lousy ceramics artist but I'm good and tricky. Sometimes good and tricky is enough.

Not one of my pieces isn't incredibly ugly. I'm actually sort of impressed that I can turn out such consistently ugly work. The last bowl, my last chance for a successful bowl, got put into the kiln which turned out to be a broken kiln, so everything in it got ruined. I like to think that that was a bowl that would've turned out a perfect masterpiece. No cracked or drippy glaze, no lopsidedness. Yes, that bowl must have been perfect.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:40 PM | shower me with attention

One of my sister's friends remarked to her that I'm like an old person. As in, "Wow, what is your sister, a senior citizen or something?"

Along those lines.

Now, it's one thing for me to admit that I could get along very well with the elderly because I engage in many of the hobbies that are stereotypically attributed to folks of an older generation, such as knitting and crossword-puzzling and listening to music from the Golden Age of Broadway, and also I do have grandma arms, but it is another thing altogether for someone who barely knows me and is really full of himself anyway and lords over his friends like the king of some vast Japanoporn empire to make remarks like that about me.

If I am a dull person with dull hobbies, that is for me to admit. It isn't for you to say.

Besides, I also sleep with stuffed animals and love Kids in the Hall, and most seniors don't do those things as much. Finally, I am 23, and if I am engaging in dull hobbies as a 23-year-old, that must mean that those are hobbies that a 23-year-old would have.

And lastly of all, if those are only "old people activities", then I am proud to rank myself as an Honourary Old Person. Senior Citizens are great. My dad is a Senior Citizen. Technically. And if you don't think they're great, try this book, which I had to read for a Cultural Anthro class a few years ago. It was wonderful.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 2:23 PM | shower me with attention

So I read that there was a reference in the last Buffy to some web cartoon, and it was a nice nerdy reference by Andrew, my current favourite character, so I went and watched the cartoon and it was pretty funny, so then I went to the homepage and all the cartoons are pretty funny so I've been watching them for like two hours.

This is good because today, my one day to watch tv at home during the week, the tv is out of commission on account of they delivered the new entertainment unit today. So in lieu of cable tv I'm watching web cartoons.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 2:16 PM | shower me with attention

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

Goodbye, iBook. Goodbye forever, Apple.

They refuse to fix my ethernet port. They keep crying "abuse", which this most definitely was not.

My mom is going to help me save up and buy a laptop PC. No more Apples for me.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:56 PM | shower me with attention

So, my dad's best friend of 52 years, his best friend's mom passed away last weekend. I didn't know her or anything, but boy, it made my dad sad. It made my dad so sad that he hasn't even been talking about it or anything. Usually my dad talks about every little thing that bugs him. You know, kinda like I do? But nothing on this.

The Soubermans send us holiday cards several times a year, and they always refer to me as Bronwyn in them. (Bronwyn is my middle name. I think they just liked it better.)
I think I only met the elder Soubermans (that's their name, my dad's best friend is Eugene and his parents are Abe and Pearl) once, but I know they're swell people because my dad has loved them since he was 13 years old, and my dad will be 66 this year. My dad had an unpleasant relationship with his mom, so I think the Soubermans were sort of the kind of surrogate-parent types. They stuck with him through some really rotten times of his young-manhood, perfectly analogous to the way that Steph and her mom stuck with me through the really rottenest (anniversary tomorrow) times of my life.

It must be something to have a best friend for over 50 years. That's some kind of staying power, where the people become family to you, because my dad is an annoying personality-- he has been likened to J. Ignatius Reilly by more than one person-- so, yeah, that's some love, there.

(As an aside, I suppose, upon reflection, that it's strange that I don't really know Eugene very well at all, considering he's my dad's best friend of 52 years. But it's not as strange as it could be, because we're really a very insular family, and generally keep our friends to ourselves. Guard them rather jealously, really. So it's strange when the odd Andrew or Steph sneaks through and becomes close to all four of us.)

The rotten thing about the events of last year are that people that I thought would always be in my life suddenly aren't. I never used to question that my best friends would be like family for the rest of my life. That's the kind of friendship I like to have. But now one of them is gone. I miss her a lot. I wonder if she knows that, or cares.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:32 AM | shower me with attention

My bed and body are kitten playground. I'm a sort of Chuck-E-Cheese for baby cats. If I were smart, I wouldn't have insisted on going back to sleep when they woke me at seven. But I've never been known for my smarts.*

*A lie. I have, at various times in my life, been known for my smarts.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:12 AM | shower me with attention

The worst thing an insomniac can do is obsess about sleep. The worst thing an insomniac can do is obsess about sleep. The worst thing an insomniac can do is obsess about sleep.

Blogging about it and reading newsgroups about it and compiling videos about it and reading webpages about it is the worst thing you could do.

Obviously I am trying to destroy myself for some reason.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:54 AM | shower me with attention

Welcome back, Martian Lip! It's been, what, a whole six weeks since you last reared your disgusting head?

It can't be stress this time; yeah, I have a final tomorrow, but I'm not worried about it. And yeah, I'm going to Kansas City to meet Gina's family next weekend and new people always make me nervous, but I don't feel too shaken up over that either.

And I don't feel like I'm coming down with a cold. I have been having some icky allergy symptoms, but nothing too severe.

Maybe it's the poor sleeping habits.

Or maybe God just likes to watch me walk around with my lips pressed together all day. Maybe He thinks that's funny.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 12:07 AM | shower me with attention

Monday, May 19, 2003

My list of tv shows with episodes dealing with insomnia has grown, thanks to TVTome.com:

MASH - 2.05 - Dr. Pierce and Mr. Hyde

Family Ties - 4.11 - How Do You Sleep?

Perfect Strangers - 2.15 - Beautiful Dreamer

Mary Tyler Moore Show - 7.15 - Mary's Insomnia

Odd Couple - 2.10 - The Insomniacs

Golden Girls - 3.8 - Brotherly Love

Friends - 3.1 - The One with the Princess Leia Fantasy

Friends - 7.12 - The One Where They're Up All Night

Home Movies - 2.10 - Writer's Block

Spin City - 6.16 - Eyes Wide Open

Becker -3.20 - Nocturnal Emissions

Murphy Brown - 10.14 - Wee Small Hours

Living Single - 3.19 - Shrink to Fit

The Smurfs - 7.9 - Sleepless Smurfs

Alfred Hitchcock Presents - 5.30 - Insomnia

The Munsters - 1.03 - A Walk on the Mild Side

The Munsters - 1.12 - The Sleeping Cutie

Not one person offered me a suggestion, meaning either you all suck, or else no one
watches nearly as much tv as I have. I'm leaning towards the former.

Does anyone know if Roseanne, Cheers, Frasier or The Simpsons ever had insomnia episodes?

I like those shows.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:05 PM | shower me with attention

I think I should volunteer my time to the elderly. Particularly those elderly people who want someone to talk to. I could listen to them. And knit. Or do crossword puzzles with them. Or talk about the golden age of Broadway. I would make such an excellent companion for an elderly person who is bored and/or lonely. I'm very much like an elderly person in a lot of ways.

The hard part would be starting, because I am very shy. But once I got used to it I think it would be splendid.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 12:09 PM | shower me with attention

Sunday, May 18, 2003

Hey, dude. Hey: dude: if I had known that the movie Holes was based on a Louis Sachar book I would've gone to see the film right away, no questions asked.

He is the best children's book author, period.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:57 PM | shower me with attention

Apple has returned my computer without fixing it. Included in the box was the following document:

Repair Declined
Dear Apple Customer,
Since you have decided not to authorize the part below for repair, or Apple has not been able to contact you for authorization, it is being returned to you.

( X ) Processor Board

Should you have any administrative questions... blahblahblah

What the FUCK? Since when did they try to contact me? They did NOT try to contact me. They have two telephone numbers and an email address for me and not once did they attempt to contact me.

Why won't they fix their shoddy piece of SHIT?

I am LIVID.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:31 PM | shower me with attention

My personal holy grail of yarns? Was on eBay? And I won it? Two separate lots of it, to be exact?

But I swear this is the last yarn I'll ever buy ever in my whole life?

Why are you in Tavie's head? 2:13 PM | shower me with attention