tavie.com

I enjoy my weekends.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:19 PM | shower me with attention

Friday, March 28, 2003

Fridays are my quiet days. I'm at Mint Manor all day while Gina is at work, so it's my time to get things done and read homework and such. This rarely happens. I usually awake around noon, lurch to the coffeemaker, get some coffee, then spend the rest of the day on the computer or watching tv. Sometimes I'll get some laundry and dishes done.

Today was supposed to be the day I finished as much of Bones of Contention as possible. Unfortunately for Roger Lewin and my pending anthropology essay, Gina finally installed The Sims Hot Date Expansion Pack. So I've been busy with that all day. Did do my laundry and the dishes and ran out to the drugstore and the bank, but not a bit of schoolwork has been broached.

And, suckily, Gina had to come home early today because she's sick. I'm thinking stomach virus. And yet, instead of taking the time to quietly read homework while she rests, I'm singing along to my Parade CD and thinking of revving up The Sims again...

Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:51 PM | shower me with attention

Happy Linn Day! You Swedish tease!

Today is a day of days! I wish I was there right now throwing birthday nectarines at your head.

Wait, that's not what I mean.

I wish I was there watching bad MTV Europe videos with you.

No, the sentiment isn't being properly expressed.

I wish I was there right now, anyhow! Unless you and Oscar are having sex, in which case, I wish I was waiting politely in the kitchen with my hands over my ears, humming to block out the noise...

Well, since the Web is a wonderful thing:

Ja, visst ska du leva, Ja, visst ska du leva,
Ja, visst ska du leva uti hundrade ar.
Ja, visst ska du leva, Ja, visst ska du leva,
Ja, visst ska du leva uti hundrade ar!

Ett fyraldigt leve... leve du. HURRAH, HURRAH, HURRAH, HURRAH!!!

Why are you in Tavie's head? 2:04 AM | shower me with attention

Thursday, March 27, 2003

Was waiting on the subway platform at 23rd for the train to school today, and reading my book. Someone taps me on the shoulder and steps in front of me. She goes, "Are we related?"

I'm stunned, and sort of stare blankly for a second, and then I see a young woman, around my age I guess, and she's waving her ponytail in my face. Her hair is as long as mine.

So I say, "Wow!"

And then she just starts TALKING to me and we're on the subway platform TALKING. She's looking at the Borg-cube pin on my collar that Rynn gave to me. She says, "Are you going to [something something]-Con this weekend?"

I say, "Oh, no, this was a gift." Meaning, you know, I'm not THAT Sci-fi-y. I'm not a Con-going type. Gosh, no.

And we're talking some more and she's telling me about how her cat lives at her boyfriend's house in Long Island because she's not allowed to have cats, and since my F's not here she'll wait with me since she's on her way to Penn station, and do I have any pets?

Funny thing is, it wasn't at all hard to talk to her. She had that kind of... I don't know how else to describe it, but it's a sort of mannerism that a lot of, let's call them Sci-Fi fans, have, where they're talking to you but they're not really looking at you, but they're really friendly? And it was a language I sort of understood (although I myself was drilled by therapists from an early age to look people in the eye when I talk to them.)

And she asked where I was going and I told her the name of my school, and she said that she's familiar with it because she lives on Roosevelt Island.

Hello!

So then we had way too much in common, so we ended up exchanging phone numbers.

Isn't that funny! Her name is Janice.

It's really not that hard to talk to strangers... but imagine, I wore my hair down today instead of in a ponytail, which I never do, just because it's spring and I wanted to feel my hair flapping around my hips, and if I hadn't I wouldn't have met this strange, endearing person.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:28 PM | shower me with attention

Feedback time, people. I need to hear about how your offline lives have changed by being involved with a cybercommunity-- I'm thinking particularly of KITH fandom because that's how I know most of you who read this. Although I'm not actually carrying out this cyberanthro study (not yet, anyway!), I'd like to see how my theory could be applied with real people. My own example (starting going to college, halfway moving out of my parents' house, through KITH fandom) isn't enough.

Here's another example of what I mean:

Tavie:Hey, why did you start blogging? When you started?
StewStang:LOL
StewStang:you mean, like originally, back in the day?
Tavie:Yeah
StewStang:Well, that was right after my trip to canada, where I met a lot of the people in "the circle" and so I kinda felt like I knew the people a little better.
StewStang:Like before then, I'd looked at your blog a few times, like had just seen it in passing, but never paid attention to it...and after that I started reading it...
StewStang:and then I started following the links, and such...
StewStang:and it was right after I started this job, and I was finding myself with a lot of downtime, which was always taken up reading those blogs...
Tavie:Ah ha! So, you see, you started blogging through knowing KITH fans, and you met your fiance from blogging... see where I'm going...
Tavie:I like to trace important things to KITH fandom
StewStang:and I guess part of me wanted to be part of "the crowd"
Tavie:It's fun to be in a cybercommunity
StewStang:and I wanted to get closer in to the fan movement.
StewStang:Oh, yeah, absolutely...No Kith, No KITH fan blogs, no steve blog.
Tavie:And now you travel all the time to be with her and it's all because you were in this community! Ah ha, see, you could be in my cybergeek study, were I to do it
StewStang:Yeah, exactly.
StewStang:My involvement with KITH fandom, at whatever level, is responsible in my entire life changing...
Tavie:I can't say that you "get out more" due to being in a blogging circle, but you certainly DID broaden your social connections, and you DO travel more. So it still fits.
Tavie:Mine too.
StewStang:Oh absolutely.
Tavie:Is it okay if I post part of this conversation on my blog? I want some feedback. I need life-changing stories that can be traced to participation in this community.
StewStang:I seriously doubt I would have had a girlfriend at this point in my life, without my involvement in the cybercommunity...
Tavie:See how beneficial it is!
StewStang:and I CERTAINLY doubt I'd be thinking of getting married and taking a daughter on.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:47 PM | shower me with attention

Hey, what does "Let's call a spade a spade?" mean?

I mean, I gather that it means "Let's tell it like is", but where does this phrase come from and what does it refer to?

Why are you in Tavie's head? 2:13 PM | shower me with attention

Ha ha! Look what Toronto Steph found:

An Example of An Excellent Field Report: Kitana Ananda.

Not found on this server???

Why are you in Tavie's head? 2:03 PM | shower me with attention

Being for the moment idle, I did a lazy search to see if I could discover whether or not my father has any presence at all on the web. Apparently, he does. I came across someone's archive of a science fiction fanzine from the '60's, to which my father contributed a letter or two (or three...) as well as essays about Lovecraft.

Long-winded, he is.

This is my heritage, fandom. This is also why I'm not a science fiction fan.

Oh my goodness, apparently this guy also scanned in some of my dad's old artwork for the magazine. Now I think I should tell my dad about this.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:19 PM | shower me with attention

Lovely rhapsody about Barry Louis Polisar from Andrew's blog to start off my morning. BLP was the children's-song man of our collective youth. Sort of the anti-Raffi. Naughty, but in a clean way. Immense fun for younguns.

In other news, there are Brits in the office today! There are Brits in the office!

Actually, come to think of it, I've worked in three offices and there have been Brits in every one. But this one has the MOST Brits, naturally. Oh, I love me a nice Brit.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:14 AM | shower me with attention

Wednesday, March 26, 2003

I got clay in my hair tonight. I knew that would happen evenutally. Pigtail swung right into the clay.

Not improving much on the wheel. I lack patience. It's probably the main reason I'm not an artist.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:48 PM | shower me with attention

I'm a compulsive overeater. Or a binge-eater. I think they're related, but different. I think it's: a compulsive overeater eats too much continually throughout the day without the desire or ability to stop. A binge-eater goes through episodes where they eat until they're sick or almost sick, wanting to stop but unable to. I guess I'm the second. This is a shameful thing, you know. But I recognize it as a mental health condition, a legitimate one. So I'm trying to ignore the shame part.

I discovered I had this problem a couple years ago when a friend of mine was going through OA and losing quite a lot of weight in the process. I read some of the literature and discovered I had the classic symptoms. I also went to a meeting. Found it interesting, a little scary.

I also discovered a way to control the problem. That's why I say that sugar and flour are like cocaine to me-- if I have even the slightest little bit, I won't be able to stop no matter how much I want to. But if I have none, after a certain time period-- say, a few days-- I won't crave them any more, and will be able to eat fairly normally. I lost 30 pounds by abstaining from sugar and starches this way.

But once in awhile I'll make a mistake. I'll have a cookie, or it'll be the holidays, or I'll burn my tongue on some hot pepper and eat a spoonful of rice. A lot of the time, I can look at these incidents and say, "Well, that was stupid, don't do it anymore." And sometimes that works. And sometimes it doesn't, and I'll spiral out of control.
I made the mistake of having pizza at Andrew's during the horror-movie-fest last weekend. At first, it was okay. I was eating carbs, but not an abnormal amount. I'd just, say, not avoid the noodles when my family ordered Chinese.

But last night I had an episode. It involved crackers-- my worst enemy. My Nemeses. Crackers are evil. And not just them. And it turned into a problem. Hence the gloom-and-doom last night.

Now I'm trying to recover. Times like these are when it would really help to have a group to go to, a sponsor to call. But OA scares me. New people scare me. It's really, really hard to start something like that. I can't go by myself. But it sure would help. The difference in my emotional state after something like this is incredible. Depression like a ton of bricks. I sure wish I could convince my mom to go.

So now, I'm in kitten-poster mode. First day of the rest of your life. One day at a time. You'd be amazed, really.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:57 PM | shower me with attention

Today I feel like one of those posters with the kitten clinging to a tree branch. I feel like a cliche.

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life."

"Hang in there, baby."

Oh, well, you know.

My hands aren't healed enough to face the pottery wheel, but I'm gonna slap on some band-aids and give her another whorl, anyway. Hang in there, baby.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:26 PM | shower me with attention

If I'm going to binge, can't I at least purge?

I guess it's a good thing that throwing up really upsets me. I'd be in a really dangerous health situation... or else I'd be married to Harrison Ford.

I'm having issues. They'll go away.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 2:36 AM | shower me with attention

If you haven't updated your blog in more than two months, I've taken you off my list. I still love you.

The only one exempt is erin, a sign of fealty because she designed my site. Although she is the worst offender.

And those of you who haven't updated since Valentine's are given warning.

I need people to update so I have something to read when I'm bored that isn't homework. Dagnabbit.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:06 AM | shower me with attention

Tuesday, March 25, 2003

I found a woman in Brooklyn whose cat just had kittens. When they're ready to leave their mother, we're going to take two of them.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:01 PM | shower me with attention

Monday, March 24, 2003

When I get bored in class, sometimes I'll send out text messages to a random sampling of people. Bits of nonsense, how-do-you-do's, what-have-you. Tonight in Research Design I was doing just that. I had a snippet of Milne's "Cottleston Pie" in my head, so I punched it into my phone and sent it out to a bunch of people. As it turns out, Himelfarb was one of those people. I don't recall what I was thinking. I don't think I even registered that I was sending one to Himelfarb. But he called me back immediately to amiably enquire as to why I was trying to make him nuts by sending riddles to his phone. After class I sheepishly returned his call. He took the opportunity to inform me that "Foley and--"

"Yes, Foley and Thompson are on Jimmy Kimmel tonight."

"How'd you know that? You're stepping on my toes here!"

"Someone emailed me an anonymous tip, lucky for me!"

He seemed pleased. I fear, however, that this may in the future encourage him not to keep us informed about future KITH appearances. Shame on him. God knows this page is turning out to be a turkey. Too bad about that. I'll have to get on his ass again about setting up an official news blog.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 8:11 PM | shower me with attention

So much has changed since I began to get on a roll with this research question for my anthro design class. I didn't used to think I would ever want to go to grad school-- for me, school is a way to get a better job, period. I hate where I am most of the time and I can't imagine wanting to do more work, harder readings, drudgery, voluntarily after getting my B.A. Nothing could interest me enough to want to pursue it. What would I do with an M.A. in cultural anthropology? Teach cultural anthropology, right? My worst nightmare-- standing in front of a lot of people I don't know and trying to teach them. I could never be knowledgable enough for that, no? No, more likely I might get a slightly better secretarial job. What the hell does the future hold for me anyway, eh?

Now there's cyberanthropology, and I can actually see myself wanting to get deeper and deeper. I want to read all the books. I want to be familiar with all the theories. I want to be able, eventually, to contribute to the theories. It's indescribably exciting to feel this way about something. I've complained about my lack of passion in this space billions of times. This is a subject I could possibly be passionate enough, if I could continue to hack through the ignorance and come out with the knowledge. I really want to.

See here, I had to formally rewrite my research question, simplifying and rephrasing it (and touching on the intended methodology) to submit to my professor. I've just written it out. It's something that I'm sure has been tested and retested, and yet, I want to carry out the study myself. I want to try it. This is the question:

There is a concern by psychologists and social critics that frequent online participation is harmful to the social life of the internet's more active participants. I propse that the conceptual dichotomy pitting online life and offline life as "mythical popposites" is a false one, and that participation in online communities has an effect opposite to that described above. I intend to show that frequent internet users increase their social connections, and thus their offline activities; that they "get out more" rather than less since becoming active online participants. I will utilize statistical research, questionnaires and participant-observation in an online community to back my claims.

Sure, it'll probably test false, but I bet that, in the testing, I could chip away at some of the popular conceptual bias about cyber-"addicts". Paint a more complex picture of social interactions in and beyond the cyber-realm. And wouldn't that be exciting?

Do you think this is a stupid thing to get excited about?

Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:49 PM | shower me with attention

Let it be said: I miss my baby girl.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:33 PM | shower me with attention

And now, I present:

A List of Places I Need to Be Able to Find On a Map By This Thursday

Niger River
Nile River
Tigris and Euphrates Rivers
Indus River
Amu Darya River
Syr Darya River
Huang Ho
Yangtze River
Yukon River
Columbia River
Mississippi River
Amazon River
Sahara Desert
Rift Valley
Anatolia
Fertile Crescent
Mesopotamia
Central Asian Steppes
Taklamakan desert
Tarim Basin
Indonesia
Australia
Pacific Rim
Beringia/Bering Straits
Four Courners Region
Valley of Mexico
Oaxaca
Yucatan Peninsula
And the mountain ranges:
Atlas
Zagros
Caucausus
Himalayas
Rocky Mountains
Andes

And now, I present:

A List of Placs I Can Currently Find on a Map
Australia
Rocky Mountains
possibly the Nile

I'm in a bit of trouble. Oh yes.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:32 PM | shower me with attention

Little pisses me off more than when people who dislike Michael Moore's politics and abrasive style choose to criticize him by making cheap fat jokes.

If you don't like the man's work, criticize the work. Criticize his mind, not his fucking body. That only cheapens your own argument. As if you can't think of what to say about his message, so you lazily make cracks about his size. What's that say about your argument?

And, by the way, I happen to like the man's work, most of the time. I thought he was great on the Oscars.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 12:53 PM | shower me with attention

Spring is here. The coat is away for the winter. Now I'll have to start making creepy eye contact if I want strangers to approach me.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 12:26 AM | shower me with attention

Sunday, March 23, 2003

So I watched horror movies all weekend at Andrew's house. They were really ooky. We got through Jeepers Creepers, Nightmare on Elm Street, about half of Phantasm, and When the Wind Blows the first night. The second night, after Andrew's girlfriend and my sister had gone home, the wimps, we watched House of 1000 Corpses, The Fly, Night of the Living Dead, The Evil Dead and about half of Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

Some nasty, nasty special effects. I may become a vegetarian, and I am definitely never touching creamed corn ever.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 7:41 PM | shower me with attention

SPIKE!

Why are you in Tavie's head? 7:31 PM | shower me with attention

David Cronenberg movies are gross. Gross.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 7:10 PM | shower me with attention