tavie.com

I'm not taking French. I hate French. I'm dropping French right now. I am going online and dropping French. That was the most horrible class I've ever taken in college. I spent the entire time in terror that she would call on me and ask me to say my name.

It's not that the class wasn't friendly, or that they were more advanced than I am. I probably know more French than most of them. It's not that the teacher was mean or brusque or anything. (She seemed very nice. Kind of squeaky-voiced. She looked like Bettie Page. Tight sweater and everything.) Don't ask me to explain why, but I was just terrified of speaking French in front of strangers. She called on every single person in the class and had them speak simple introductory French phrases back to her. Every single person except me. I take that as a sign from the gods. They are saying, "Tavie, you escaped this time, but you won't escape next time. Leave now while you still can."

When I got outside I burst into tears. That's how terrible it was to me.

I would rather not graduate than ever have to take French. I would rather just go into civil service right now and give up all the work I've done so far than have to endure another 75 minutes like that.

I don't know why, but I felt exactly like I was in high school again. The same panic and desire to run. If I hadn't been sitting so far from the door in such a crowded room, I would have left immediately.

And I knew how to say "Je m'appelle Tavie" and "Je suis etudiante" and "Ça va, et vous?" It wasn't that. The rub of it is, I was pretty good at French in junior high. Took it for three years. But that was TEN YEARS ago. I just can't do it. Leave me alone.

I'll take Latin. Next semester. I'll do Latin. I can pronounce Latin. I'm not afraid of Latin. I'll take it. Not this semester. The readings I have for this semester are going to be heavy for anthro and archaeology. So it'll take me that much longer to graduate. So the fuck what.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:18 PM | shower me with attention