tavie.com

Gina and I are going to go to look at the meteor shower. I hope we have the date right this time.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:49 PM | shower me with attention

Friday, August 09, 2002

So I couldn't figure out how to configure Verizon DSL with my new computer. I erroneously installed it and then went through much rigamarole trying to figure out how to get the damn thing to connect. Finally I called Tech Support and the guy told me that since I had already installed the software there was nothing he could do to help me; I would not be able to install Verizon DSL on my iBook. I hung up.

Less than thirty seconds later I was connected through Verizon DSL.

How?

I am a genius, that's how.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:40 PM | shower me with attention

The Mac is BACK, baby!

Guess what arrived today...

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:09 PM | shower me with attention

As much as I've enjoyed the thrill of the search, I'm chomping at the bit to do a little illegal coaster-making (ha!), so if anyone has a CD or MP3's of songs from Company (any version), please email. Apparently, I'm still missing "Poor Baby" and "Finale", "Happily Ever After" and "Multitudes of Amys".

Why are you in Tavie's head? 6:38 PM | shower me with attention

Fabulous sacrelicious gadgetry. I want a Hold Me Jesus.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 6:10 PM | shower me with attention

I loved Amelie, but, man. Stop mainstreaming whimsy. It's too commonplace. Dullness will replace whimsy as the Exotic Other. No more films about charming imps with colourful fantasy lives; grey-faced losers with boring aspirations will... oh, it's been done. Billy Dreamerrrrrr...

Why are you in Tavie's head? 12:57 PM | shower me with attention

Spent the morning crying my eyes out. Mom is home today. We are taking a break from watching Amelie so that she can wash her hair and I can email my resume to that recruiter who has offered me a well-paying, doable-sounding job in... Mineola. Mineola. I would have to commute out of the city to Long Island. Every day. And then get back in time for school.

It was good to cry my eyes out and think terrible things about my future. It was gooder (not better, gooder) that my soft-hearted progenitor is scraping up enough money for me to spend a few days at Mint Manor, where I rarely cry my eyes out.

Please, I really need to know, someone, anyone: what shall I do with my life? Where shall I go and what shall I be? Please don't say civil servant or secretary or I'll cry again. I used to think I could be more but now I am growing up and seeing how things will probably play out and it is hurting me. (And yes, I know the difference between being a secretary to pay the bills while you're becoming a doctor of what-have-you, and settling for being a drudge for the state because there was nothing else that you were good at enough to do for a living. One is my mentor and the other my father and I'd rather be like her than him, but I think I'm more him than her. This isn't making sense to anyone else but me. I need another cup of coffee.)

Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:11 AM | shower me with attention

Thursday, August 08, 2002

Loser.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:50 AM | shower me with attention

Nothing new to report.

In old business: I have no life, no job, no money and no ideas. That's not new.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 2:30 AM | shower me with attention

Tuesday, August 06, 2002

Today is Serra day?! Good god! Get out the erotic cakes!

HURRY!

Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:37 PM | shower me with attention

iSketch's server has been down. In its stead I have become addicted to Psychobabble. I am supreme ruler here, as well.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 8:56 PM | shower me with attention

Oh, yes. Yes. Relief. That was good. That was very good. Sister and I left early in the morning. The weather was sunny but cool. Central Park was like a painting. We wandered. We-- yes-- we Roam, Roam, Roamed. We walked down that long lane, sat on the Jim Henson bench (plaque: "In memory of Jim Henson, who loved this walk in the park.") A jazz man serenaded us with his sax. We went to that fountain and I sat in it and sang Godspell songs. At the Alice statue, Kirsten helped a young mother who was trying to pose her baby in the lap of the giant statue. Kirsten held baby steady, and I held baby in my arms as mother scrambled down from the bronze mushroom. A baby in my arms! Only the third baby I've ever held. (First: Alice, a 10-month-old I met on a long flight from somewhere-or-other; second: Savannah, my friend Adam's little girl.) Then to the Zoo, where we saw the penguins. My favourite things about the penguins:

1. When they jump out of the water onto land.
2. When they dive off the land into water.

In that order.

Then lunch at China Fun, where pretty sister insisted on telling me over and over that she considers me a genius.

Then we were sleepy and came home but I will not go to bed, I will stay up all day.

And in my head all day, my new friend:

Another hundred people just got off of the train
and came up to the ground...

...it's a city of strangers
some come to work, some to play.
A city of strangers,
some come to stare, some to stay.
And every day the ones who stay
can find each other in the crowded streets
and the crowded parks...

I felt like singing all day. Mostly showtunes. It was very trying for Kirsten, but she bore it as patiently as she could. For you:

Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:42 PM | shower me with attention

Around 4:30 a.m., my sister turned off The Lion in Winter to catch M*A*S*H (a habit I can take thorough credit for), and some time towards the end of the episode, I remembered that I had placed Progo on the floor to run around while I replaced the newspapers in his tank. And I realized that I could not find him. Kirsten, in helping me with my rescue-and-recovery, discovered the five or six inches of dust covering everything in our path. Slowly, as if in a dream, we drifted to the broom closet and the space under the sink where the Swiffer dust rags are kept. What? We have Swiffer dust rags? Surely they have never been used. And slowly, dreamlike, we began to to clean. The television was turned off, surgical masks were donned, and a playlist of Sondheim songs and Japanese pop music was assembled. Objects were dusted, stored in a large metal trunk dubbed "Mom's Box of Travel Shit", or thrown out.

Kirsten is damp-mopping the floor as I type.

It's some sort of miracle. It's not much of a difference, mind you-- I don't think this place has been cleaned properly since the early '90's-- but there is something of a noticeable improvement. Surely this is very powerful magic.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 6:06 AM | shower me with attention

The plan is to be ready to leave this apartment as soon as the sun comes up. That's as much of the plan as I have so far. Beyond the front door, I haven't a clue. But I am getting out. That is the plan.

Most likely I will, instead, give in and fall asleep, sleep until 4 p.m. once again. I don't want to, but it is what will most likely happen.

But at least I had a plan.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:30 AM | shower me with attention

Which is more important for me to listen to, Sondheim's "Company" or "Follies"?

Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:31 AM | shower me with attention

Monday, August 05, 2002

I need to get out, I need to go somewhere, I need to be outside doing things, I don't know what. I used to have friends. Where are you, friends? Is Aggie back from California yet? Does Steph ever have time to play? Does Andrew remember me? Is erin moved in yet? Are the superkids at Yale yet? Why is this city so empty? Why am I so bored? Why am I so boring? Rescue me.

Call me.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 6:22 PM | shower me with attention

I really want to watch A Little Night Music but we only have it on Beta and the Betamax broke a couple years ago.

I'm so depressed.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:48 AM | shower me with attention

Let the moments go
don't forget it for a moment, though...
Just remembering you had an "and" when you're back to "or"
makes the "or" mean more than it did before
Now I understand
and it's time to leave the woods.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:30 AM | shower me with attention

Sunday, August 04, 2002

Oh, oh. I dreamed that a wise old man gave me a long white rubber glove containing smoked whitefish. I was to eat the whitefish and give the glove to B.J. Hunnicutt. I ate the fish, snuck over to B.J.'s tent, and was preparing to wake him when the five fingers of the glove burst into flames. The tip of my pigtail, hanging over B.J.'s sleeping body, also caught fire. B.J.'s blanket, too, began to burn. I panicked, tried to blow out the flames, but they reappeared like trick birthday candle flames. What does this dream mean?

Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:14 PM | shower me with attention

Dave and Crissy got married. I love them.

I wonder if I got that job.

I think I'm allergic to this apartment. When I'm here I sneeze a lot and my eyes itch and water.

I slept most of today.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:03 PM | shower me with attention

Returned early from Mint Manor yesterday due to a variety of circumstances, mostly lack of funds.

Didn't care to return home; disembarked early and wandered to Washington Square Park. Watched group of acrobats perform for the crowd. Good entertainers.

Wandered back down to sixth avenue. Called mother. Begged her to come out and meet me. She came, we went to see a movie. The Importance of Being Earnest. Decent adaptation; nothing special.

Came home with mother, discussing family's woeful monetary difficulties and both daughters' lack of goals and focus. Watched Becket, mother's favourite film. Peter O'Toole, you know. Have a Peter O'Toole fascination since Gina and I stumbled upon a Charlie Rose interview with the actor on Friday night. Amazing blue eyes. Since O'Toole happens to be mother's favourite actor and Becket her favourite movie, choice was appropriate.

Richard Burton impressive beyond belief. I only knew him as The White Knight from the PBS airing of the 1980's Broadway production of Alice in Wonderland.

A-sitting on a gate...

Burton impressive.

Still no goal or focus. Lack of caffeine contributing to excessive sleeping and current headache. What shall I do with my life? Money seems to be an extremely important factor, as we don't have any. At all. And yet somehow are going on trips to Sweden and buying laptops. I don't understand this.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:55 PM | shower me with attention