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Saturday, July 13, 2002
Typing from Kirsten's laptop on my bed. Grumble.
In my inbox:
Dear Tavie
I renewed your web site tavie.com for two years today 7/13/02.
Happy Birthday
MOM
Other things happened today that I don't feel like talking about. It's 4:30 am and my body wants to sleep but my mind won't let it. Jiggety jog.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:29 PM | shower me with attention
In my inbox:
Dear Tavie
I renewed your web site tavie.com for two years today 7/13/02.
Happy Birthday
MOM
Other things happened today that I don't feel like talking about. It's 4:30 am and my body wants to sleep but my mind won't let it. Jiggety jog.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:29 PM | shower me with attention
Back at Heathrow and another sluggish internt kiosk. I'll be home in about 8 hours. Gee.
Yesterday was hellish. I got to the airport in Stockholm late, and off the bus at the wrong terminal. Thinking it would be easier to walk across the airport rather than find the shuttle (idiot!), I dragged my 30-kilo (What's tha? 65 pounds? Weight of a fifth grader?) suitcase and various other bulky bags through endless hallways. When I got to the broken lift I almost started to cry, but did not cry, somehow managed to drag the bags up two flights of stairs. That's when I began to feel the fact that I hadn't eaten anything all day except a bowl of yogurt and some peanuts. Was fed a snack on the plane, none of which I could eat except the middle of a sandwich. Got to Heathrow and the shuttles weren't running, and when the cabbie found out I was only going to an airport hotel he got all mad and refused to help me lift my suitcase out of the cab, despite the big tip I gave him for the suspiciously high fare. I don't remember London taxi meters clicking up so quickly...
When I was checked in and collapsed in my room, my mom called and I burst into tears and sobbed at her for a few minutes. Then I went downstairs into the night and walked half a mile down the road to the 24-hour McDonald's I remembered passing in the expensive cab ride. There I purchased food that is not part of my diet plan. I took it back to my room and ate it while watching Boys on the Side on the tv. I refuse to regret it. I was weak and miserable and needed to eat and I will not allow this incident to dampen my progress.
I'll be home soon and see my family, who will give me food I can eat and hug me.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:01 AM | shower me with attention
Yesterday was hellish. I got to the airport in Stockholm late, and off the bus at the wrong terminal. Thinking it would be easier to walk across the airport rather than find the shuttle (idiot!), I dragged my 30-kilo (What's tha? 65 pounds? Weight of a fifth grader?) suitcase and various other bulky bags through endless hallways. When I got to the broken lift I almost started to cry, but did not cry, somehow managed to drag the bags up two flights of stairs. That's when I began to feel the fact that I hadn't eaten anything all day except a bowl of yogurt and some peanuts. Was fed a snack on the plane, none of which I could eat except the middle of a sandwich. Got to Heathrow and the shuttles weren't running, and when the cabbie found out I was only going to an airport hotel he got all mad and refused to help me lift my suitcase out of the cab, despite the big tip I gave him for the suspiciously high fare. I don't remember London taxi meters clicking up so quickly...
When I was checked in and collapsed in my room, my mom called and I burst into tears and sobbed at her for a few minutes. Then I went downstairs into the night and walked half a mile down the road to the 24-hour McDonald's I remembered passing in the expensive cab ride. There I purchased food that is not part of my diet plan. I took it back to my room and ate it while watching Boys on the Side on the tv. I refuse to regret it. I was weak and miserable and needed to eat and I will not allow this incident to dampen my progress.
I'll be home soon and see my family, who will give me food I can eat and hug me.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:01 AM | shower me with attention
Thursday, July 11, 2002
Satisfying if exhausting birthday. The only disappointment was that Kitling is sick and had to stay in Berlin. My poor sweetie, I hope she's doing okay. I wish we were there to fetch her herbal tea and sing jaunty songs.
First I bought myself a birthday treat of Lush citrusy soap and Silky Underwear powder. Lush stuff is a bit actually cheaper here than it is in Canada, which was nice. Then Linn and I went and took a tour of City Hall, which doesn't sound as exciting as it was. It's a really beautiful place. The Gold Hall just takes your breath away. Then we went to Old Town and had Indian food. I know I can have Indian food in New York but Linn reasoned that it's my birthday and I should have whatever I want. I like that reasoning. After lunch we were overcome with exhaustion and had to revive, reluctantly, with McDonald's coffee before taking a ferry to the Astrid Lingdren museum, which is an extraordinary place, very magical, very much my cup of tea. It reminds me that I really need to get that book that Goose told me about, The Brothers Lionheart, which for some reason was not available en Engelska in the bookstore. Dammit.
Now we're at Linn's apartment and I'm packed and tomorrow, off to Ikea (yeah, I know, but come on. I have to.) and then I fly to Heathrow and then I sleep in an airport hotel and then I fly home, jiggety jog, and the magic is over and it's back to real life.
Oh, Linn bought me a Pettson and Findus book at the museum. I'm in love with them. She also bought me some oversized postcards and one of them was of Swedish mushrooms and I found the Kantarell right away. I picked those my very own self!
Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:34 PM | shower me with attention
First I bought myself a birthday treat of Lush citrusy soap and Silky Underwear powder. Lush stuff is a bit actually cheaper here than it is in Canada, which was nice. Then Linn and I went and took a tour of City Hall, which doesn't sound as exciting as it was. It's a really beautiful place. The Gold Hall just takes your breath away. Then we went to Old Town and had Indian food. I know I can have Indian food in New York but Linn reasoned that it's my birthday and I should have whatever I want. I like that reasoning. After lunch we were overcome with exhaustion and had to revive, reluctantly, with McDonald's coffee before taking a ferry to the Astrid Lingdren museum, which is an extraordinary place, very magical, very much my cup of tea. It reminds me that I really need to get that book that Goose told me about, The Brothers Lionheart, which for some reason was not available en Engelska in the bookstore. Dammit.
Now we're at Linn's apartment and I'm packed and tomorrow, off to Ikea (yeah, I know, but come on. I have to.) and then I fly to Heathrow and then I sleep in an airport hotel and then I fly home, jiggety jog, and the magic is over and it's back to real life.
Oh, Linn bought me a Pettson and Findus book at the museum. I'm in love with them. She also bought me some oversized postcards and one of them was of Swedish mushrooms and I found the Kantarell right away. I picked those my very own self!
Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:34 PM | shower me with attention
Wednesday, July 10, 2002
God, I need to vent, though. Just this one tiny thing in the midst of my Holiday Happiness: the issue of there being NO COMPUTER AT HOME.
No, Kirsten's new laptop does not count. It can't. We've had too many bloody battles--literally-- over the iMac in the past for me to be able to handle having to ask for permission to use her computer, no matter how generous she is with it. And her generosity isn't making my mom want to take the iMac in to the repair shop any quicker. Suddenly there's no money for computer repairs. Borrowing Kirsten's will just have to do. Despite the Explicitly Hammered-In Fact of it being Kirsten's and Not Mine, set down as law by Tante Joan, Kirsten's benefactress, suddenly the computer is for everyone's use? No. It's not equal. It won't work out. Not to mention the fact that there's no DSL with Kirsten's laptop, of course, and no printer or scanner or anything.
It will just mean more and more time at Gina's. It's not a threat but when I try to tell them this it sounds like one. I can't help it. It's just how things are. Honesty is not handled well in my family?
And, Mom, if you don't like what I'm saying, why not stay out of my blog like I asked you to? Thanks. I'm not trying to say this in a belligerent manner, but these is the facts. Stop reading if you don't like it, because you're the one person I really don't want feedback from about this thing. This is Not For You.
Oh, poop. It's summer, it's Sweden, it's my birthday. Time to not be in this mental space anymore. I wish I was back in Småland. Småland is my new Happy Place. Småland and EPCOT, baby.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 7:32 PM | shower me with attention
No, Kirsten's new laptop does not count. It can't. We've had too many bloody battles--literally-- over the iMac in the past for me to be able to handle having to ask for permission to use her computer, no matter how generous she is with it. And her generosity isn't making my mom want to take the iMac in to the repair shop any quicker. Suddenly there's no money for computer repairs. Borrowing Kirsten's will just have to do. Despite the Explicitly Hammered-In Fact of it being Kirsten's and Not Mine, set down as law by Tante Joan, Kirsten's benefactress, suddenly the computer is for everyone's use? No. It's not equal. It won't work out. Not to mention the fact that there's no DSL with Kirsten's laptop, of course, and no printer or scanner or anything.
It will just mean more and more time at Gina's. It's not a threat but when I try to tell them this it sounds like one. I can't help it. It's just how things are. Honesty is not handled well in my family?
And, Mom, if you don't like what I'm saying, why not stay out of my blog like I asked you to? Thanks. I'm not trying to say this in a belligerent manner, but these is the facts. Stop reading if you don't like it, because you're the one person I really don't want feedback from about this thing. This is Not For You.
Oh, poop. It's summer, it's Sweden, it's my birthday. Time to not be in this mental space anymore. I wish I was back in Småland. Småland is my new Happy Place. Småland and EPCOT, baby.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 7:32 PM | shower me with attention
Publishing is temporarily unavailable? Blogger, you stupid thing.
Today I saw an incredibly strange production of Godspell in the park. It was very modern, very Swedish. The songs AND the speaking were in Swedish, so I didn't get much of it, but Linn says they took out most of the Biblical references. Yes, sit back and just try to imagine that. I did notice that the songs were out of order and the wrong characters seemed to be singing some of them. Some of the arrangements were very strange, but it was an interesting experiment. The most exciting part was that Jesus was played by a woman. That's, you know, The Dream. It did make me long for a really good production of it to see with Linn, though, like the one Gina and I saw two summers ago. It was magical enough just to see it at all with Linn.
Afterwards, Linn took me to the Extremely Important Church Where Everything Happened. That's enough about that for this forum, I'll wager. Just say that it's a place where a lot of Important Life Stuff has happened for Linn and I felt privileged to be able to see it.
According to the Swedish clock a couple of us are 23 now. I will call Kirsten again tomorrow and sing her songs. I called her from the church and we had an argument, but then I called her back and we made up. I like it when that happens.
I'm going home Friday. Kitana's coming tomorrow. There's a lot to be done tomorrow. Kitana's presence is the best birthday present I can think of. Thank you, Lady Jesus.
Gosh, what else. Nothing, I guess. Back to real life soon. I'm gonna miss this place. I'm going to miss my Adopted Big Sister as always, but going home to my Adopted Big Sister will help.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 7:20 PM | shower me with attention
Today I saw an incredibly strange production of Godspell in the park. It was very modern, very Swedish. The songs AND the speaking were in Swedish, so I didn't get much of it, but Linn says they took out most of the Biblical references. Yes, sit back and just try to imagine that. I did notice that the songs were out of order and the wrong characters seemed to be singing some of them. Some of the arrangements were very strange, but it was an interesting experiment. The most exciting part was that Jesus was played by a woman. That's, you know, The Dream. It did make me long for a really good production of it to see with Linn, though, like the one Gina and I saw two summers ago. It was magical enough just to see it at all with Linn.
Afterwards, Linn took me to the Extremely Important Church Where Everything Happened. That's enough about that for this forum, I'll wager. Just say that it's a place where a lot of Important Life Stuff has happened for Linn and I felt privileged to be able to see it.
According to the Swedish clock a couple of us are 23 now. I will call Kirsten again tomorrow and sing her songs. I called her from the church and we had an argument, but then I called her back and we made up. I like it when that happens.
I'm going home Friday. Kitana's coming tomorrow. There's a lot to be done tomorrow. Kitana's presence is the best birthday present I can think of. Thank you, Lady Jesus.
Gosh, what else. Nothing, I guess. Back to real life soon. I'm gonna miss this place. I'm going to miss my Adopted Big Sister as always, but going home to my Adopted Big Sister will help.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 7:20 PM | shower me with attention
Tuesday, July 09, 2002
I couldn't even begin to get it all down adequately, so I'm just going to put down a bunch of summing statements and trust-hope-pray that my memory will supplement it for my personal recollections. Some brief statements and then I will join Linn and Emma and watch that Discovery Channel sex show.
One of the best weeks of my life. Period. Definitely in the top three of all time; certainly the highest point since Tour 2000 (not surpassing, mind you-- but best since then.) Linn's family's summer house is one of the most magical places I've ever been to. Maybe the most magical. It contains all of the things that I crave. I was in all of the poems. I was in the poems. I was awed and wonder-filled almost constantly. The other day I was sitting in Linn's new hammock chair and staring at her mother's garden and I think I was crying. So:
Ate cherries off a tree. Ate cherries off a tree that I was sitting in. Daily. So many cherries, almost got tired of cherries. (First time.) Didn't succeed in getting tired of cherries.
When hungry, went to raspberry bush and ate raspberries off of bush, or went to currant bush and ate currants off of bush.
Caught a fish. CAUGHT A FISH. Ate fish that I caught. (First time.)
Swam in a lake. (F.T.) Sunbathed on a rock.
Lost two more kilos.
Sunsets like paintings at 10 pm. Breathtaking purple and scarlet cloud mountains as backdrop to fish-catching.
Picked mushrooms in the woods. (F.T.) That was my favourite day. Tramped through the woods in big boots, picking Cantrell (?) mushrooms-- golden yellow, squiggly like elephant ears. Very tasty. Led by Linn's mom who, swear to the High Ones, definitely has some sort of faerie chromosomes in her DNA. Definitely an enchanted creature. Danced through the trees like a sprite out of Fantasia.
Sunburned. Sunburned in a cute rosy way that is turning nice and golden. Feel pretty. Feel pretty. Don't forget don't forget don't forget.
Walked around without pants in front of people. Didn't care. Didn't care once. Didn't think about my body in a negative way at any point, despite being surrounded by unusually beautiful people at all times. (Dancers, models, Linns, faeries, etc.)
Met a hedgehog-- pet a hedgehog! (F.T.) Held a toad.
Stood in a field by myself making a daisy chain and singing "So Happy" from Into the Woods. (Where's the cheesecloth?)
Killed a small army of flies with flyswatter. (F.T.)
Meditated on the dock. Twice. Finally felt like I got the hang of the whole meditating thing-- think it was the peaceful rhythm of my surroundings. Blowing reeds + rippling water + gentle rain = Ommmmmmm. (Actually, in-breath-I, out-breath-am worked for me nicely-- more evidence of my God complex? Iiiii aaaaaaaam, Iiiii aaaaaaam...)
Every night, Linn and her sisters and I watched bad movies and laughed at them. The best one was the cheesy British sci-fi thing about the man-eating plants-slash-meteors that turn people blind.
Read Elfquest in Swedish. Drew Linn's sisters as elves, despite the fact of Emma's mind-boggling artistic skill. Didn't care. Didn't feel self-conscious.
Love, love, love.
Why is it over?
Why are you in Tavie's head? 5:53 PM | shower me with attention
One of the best weeks of my life. Period. Definitely in the top three of all time; certainly the highest point since Tour 2000 (not surpassing, mind you-- but best since then.) Linn's family's summer house is one of the most magical places I've ever been to. Maybe the most magical. It contains all of the things that I crave. I was in all of the poems. I was in the poems. I was awed and wonder-filled almost constantly. The other day I was sitting in Linn's new hammock chair and staring at her mother's garden and I think I was crying. So:
Ate cherries off a tree. Ate cherries off a tree that I was sitting in. Daily. So many cherries, almost got tired of cherries. (First time.) Didn't succeed in getting tired of cherries.
When hungry, went to raspberry bush and ate raspberries off of bush, or went to currant bush and ate currants off of bush.
Caught a fish. CAUGHT A FISH. Ate fish that I caught. (First time.)
Swam in a lake. (F.T.) Sunbathed on a rock.
Lost two more kilos.
Sunsets like paintings at 10 pm. Breathtaking purple and scarlet cloud mountains as backdrop to fish-catching.
Picked mushrooms in the woods. (F.T.) That was my favourite day. Tramped through the woods in big boots, picking Cantrell (?) mushrooms-- golden yellow, squiggly like elephant ears. Very tasty. Led by Linn's mom who, swear to the High Ones, definitely has some sort of faerie chromosomes in her DNA. Definitely an enchanted creature. Danced through the trees like a sprite out of Fantasia.
Sunburned. Sunburned in a cute rosy way that is turning nice and golden. Feel pretty. Feel pretty. Don't forget don't forget don't forget.
Walked around without pants in front of people. Didn't care. Didn't care once. Didn't think about my body in a negative way at any point, despite being surrounded by unusually beautiful people at all times. (Dancers, models, Linns, faeries, etc.)
Met a hedgehog-- pet a hedgehog! (F.T.) Held a toad.
Stood in a field by myself making a daisy chain and singing "So Happy" from Into the Woods. (Where's the cheesecloth?)
Killed a small army of flies with flyswatter. (F.T.)
Meditated on the dock. Twice. Finally felt like I got the hang of the whole meditating thing-- think it was the peaceful rhythm of my surroundings. Blowing reeds + rippling water + gentle rain = Ommmmmmm. (Actually, in-breath-I, out-breath-am worked for me nicely-- more evidence of my God complex? Iiiii aaaaaaaam, Iiiii aaaaaaam...)
Every night, Linn and her sisters and I watched bad movies and laughed at them. The best one was the cheesy British sci-fi thing about the man-eating plants-slash-meteors that turn people blind.
Read Elfquest in Swedish. Drew Linn's sisters as elves, despite the fact of Emma's mind-boggling artistic skill. Didn't care. Didn't feel self-conscious.
Love, love, love.
Why is it over?
Why are you in Tavie's head? 5:53 PM | shower me with attention
