tavie.com

Gina just told me that she has to bring toilet paper on the airplane with her.

She is such a freak.

Ha ha, I'll blog anything, and she won't read this 'til we get back. Ha ha! Am I bratty? Bratty and wrong?

Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:43 AM | shower me with attention

Friday, May 24, 2002

Daw. This one hurts. I was randomly searching Citysearch Las Vegas for tomorrow night, just seeing what spectacular acts were in town that we can't afford to see, and my eyes were shocked with this listing for the Kids in the Hall, which was never taken off their calendar.

I should have expected that, but I didn't.

Baaah, fuck that.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:45 PM | shower me with attention

In my head:

Ladies, all the ladies
Loudly now, help me out, c'mon
All the ladies
LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX
Aw' right...

Yeah, I don't know why, either.

I am sweating and half-watching an old episode of Sex and the City, which is not terribly engaging. I have painted my fingernails a chrome colour, and smell of sweat. I am waiting for my sister to come over here. We will go to Vegas and smell of sweat over there.

I love that she associates me with Canadian Jesus and Godspell in general, because I think that's how it should be in life. Why, I am incorporating her into my imaginary production. Yes, I'll write new songs if I have to.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:36 PM | shower me with attention

I am not a person who is currently awake.

I found this in the referrals. I dunno who it is, but its novelty pleases me.

Hangnails, hangnails, I'm all about hangnails.

Not currently awake.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 2:42 PM | shower me with attention

I need this caffeinated soap. Someone buy it for me. It's my 23rd birthday soon; buy in advance. ;)

What I'm really in the market for is coffee-scented perfume or perfume-type products (lotion, soap, bubblebath, shampoo)-- anything that will get the smell of coffee on me and make it linger. It's my favourite smell. So if anyone sees any, please let me know.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:14 AM | shower me with attention

Thursday, May 23, 2002

Time for some public responses to blogs because I'm too lazy to email. Don't bother reading if I don't call your name.

1. I thought you were pretty from our brief meeting, but I understand the self-loathing that comes unbidden from hangin' wit' da "beautiful" people.

2. I love this dream because it incorporates wicker, my obsessive personality, Scott Thompson and soup into a delightful journey of mystery and intrigue.

3. It hurts me when she gets like this, even though I understand it so completely (because I understand it so completely) because I get like that, but it shouldn't be happening. It just shouldn't. We're wounded people, okay. Yes. I recognize this. But I'd really like her to be able to stop hurting.

4. It's funny that you found the anti-robot thing just right after I found it, for a friend. I hate that we have to be paranoid about these things, but we do. Also this made me choke laughing. Thanks for that.

5. I do understand. This weekend we need to concentrate on not dwelling, on ending this tour by being together Just Because, and by seeing Bill Cosby, god willing. Because nothing is funnier than the unfunniness of Bill Cosby, really.

6. Ran out of energy. More later.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 7:42 PM | shower me with attention

I'm registered. I'm not completely happy with the courses I ended up with, but they'll do.

I fucked myself once again by not getting my Columbia credits transferred, but I managed to get into two anthro classes anyway: Language and Culture (yay!) and Human Fossil Record (yawn). I am supposing that any anthro class is good since I'm pretty certain at this point I'm going to major in Anthro and minor in English. English or Art. But I have so many English credits already... and I want to get the hell out of here...

The other two classes are Advanced Drawing (yay!) and Genius of Modern Theatre (eh?). Drawing because I missed art classes, and Theatre because it fits into my schedule.

I really, really tried to get into some requirement classes, but all the math, computer sciences and staistics sections I need are closed. Closed. Closed. And I still don't know what language I want to take. So I'm once again taking "fun" courses, although at least some of them will help me towards my intended major.

I really, really want to get out of here already, but I just can't take and fail another math class with that boring professor, even if it IS the only open section. Am I wrong? Tell me I'm not wrong.

My poetry A is up. Whew. Today I will go earn my linguistics A. (Or B, if I'm too lost in KITHy reverie to do spectacularly on my final. But not C. Couldn't get a C. I just don't see it happening.)

I may regret this cockiness.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:55 PM | shower me with attention

I've been mentioning and mentioning to everyone I meet how spectacular the Monday night show was. I know I need to stop, but it was real live magic for me. Real magic. Honestly, wizards-and-witches kind of magic for me, in the truest sense of the word. I really do keep repeating the phrase They refused to stop because it's the best way to describe what I was seeing these performers do. It was the best possible last show to have. If I'd been able to see a show after it it would have been a complete let-down.

And so reading today that they felt the same is making me feel so very good, it's sort of extending the magic. It was the best live performance I've ever seen from anyone, and they felt it too.

It hurts that the people I feel closest to in the world couldn't be there for it, and I try not to think of that part, and just focus on the magic that I was unbelievably fortunate enough to experience.

Yes, I focus on that and then I forget what a head parameter is and what c-command is and I realize, shit, I may fail this linguistics exam if my head is too full of Kids in the Hall.

Please come down now, Tavie. It's over and it's time to be responsible now. Come down out of there, please.

She climbs a tree and scrapes her knee, her dress has got a tear...

Out of nowhere, I miss Matt's blog desperately.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:22 PM | shower me with attention

I am doing a truly awful job of getting into the right frame of mine for my linguistics exam. I need to be more worried about this now. I need to find my notes and study, now.

Tuesday was the first May 21 to pass without prolonged dwelling and self-inflicted torture. It's because of some very good friends that this happened. I have very, very good friends. My life can do without the unnecessary brooding.

Tomorrow my Erica graduates from college. I'm so proud of her I almost cried a little tonight. She's going away for two months soon and I need to find time to see her before she does.

I need to find time to see her, I need to hammer out and make my Europe reservations now, I need to study now, I need to go to Las Vegas for two days and have fun and spend the rest of my money, I need to register for next semester, and I think I'm getting Martian-lip again from ignoring the stress of all of this.

I'm getting back into bed and reading more Margaret Cho. Because that's productive, at 4 in the morning.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:01 AM | shower me with attention

It needs to be said that that organic milk, you know the stuff? That organic milk? It tastes a lot better than regular milk. It tastes noticeably better. It tastes delicious. It tastes like Heidi. (I won't explain that one. That one was just for me.)

I usually can't taste the difference in things, maybe because of my notoriously awful sense of smell, but I can taste that organic milk is good. I like little things like this that I am absolutely sure of. Everything else in the world is so ambiguous, so many-sided, so open to interpretation. Opinions are almost possible to form when you have low self-esteem. Who am I to have an opinion on something? Those other people are probably right. Or maybe those. Not me, never me. What the fuck do I know?

I slept most of the day. I woke up and ate something and watched C-Span for an hour and a half. I never watch C-Span. I never know what's going on in the world. But today I was engrossed. I was fascinated. Maybe it was the exhaustion, but the snarkiness of what I think was the House of Representatives arguing about some proposed bill, hiding the snarkiness in the unflaggingly polite conventions of their procedure, it was really something else. I felt like Lisa Miller in that episode of NewsRadio.

Basically, it seemed to be:
"We want to make a proposal that will take money out of social security and pay for this war."
"Well, you can't do that. And stop using the war as an excuse."
"We can so. Stop ignoring the realities of our situation."
"Wait, first you give the tax cuts to the rich and then you make up for it by taking the money away from poor people?"
"You're avoiding the issue. We need to fight terrorism."
"But you're putting US Air out of business."
"Fuck US Air."
"It's 40,000 jobs, asshole."
"Who are you calling an asshole, asshole?"

It was so awesome to sit there translating the polite-speak for myself. I don't know how my government works, but it sure is entertaining to try and figure it out.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:55 AM | shower me with attention

Wednesday, May 22, 2002

I think the best time to write my initial "Hello again" post is in this current haze. I may have miscalculated my ability to do things that need done on little sleep, but I refuse to admit it now. Tomorrow is linguistics final and this weekend is Vegas, and dammit, sleep is not an issue.

Oh, the blithering as I wait for the Effexor to kick in.

So, the best way I can describe it right now is that it was three days of nearly constant laughter. Incredibly intense bonding occurs for me over laughter, and I feel terribly close to the people I laughed with/at this weekend. And I'm not actually speaking of the Kids now, although I feel closer to this one each time we meet because he makes gestures that make me feel loved. But that's aside; that was superfluous to the experience. It was a weekend lapped in love.

So I'm oddly homesick after an intense three days, for my West Coast posse. I miss Brent's bad jokes and exquisite timing, and Sarah's bohemian grace and ability to tell a story and her effortless way of making me feel cool enough to know her. I miss Lea and Matthew, the greatest comedy team since Mrs Landingham died on the West Wing and left Charlie alone. I miss Puddin/Kitten/Goopie Diane's deliciously sardonic veneer, thinly veiling the purest wit and friendliest soul ever married within a single personality. I miss my roomie and his eagerness to listen and his booming laughter. I miss Rynn and her clownish postures and her triumphant organizational prowess and her ability to look straight down into you and see what's what and her intuition and her kitties and her coffee, oh, her coffee, the strongest most delicious cup of coffee I've ever tasted outside of that espresso place in Florence. I miss everything about Rynn. I miss San Francisco and the fact that you can't turn around without some astonishing view clicking into place. I miss the sunshine on the first day and the pickanick at the Harold and Maude place and the cherries and spitting the cherry pits into the ocean and the Musee de Mecanique and tromping through the park and then the drizzly days that followed of waiting on line, of front rows and thrilling eye contact and laughter on top of laughter, followed by post-show laughter until you think you may as well just give up and hand your guts over to whoever happens to be speaking, because they've won and you're done, thank you very much. It was like spitting up my liver on a bad double-date after awhile, laughing so hard that people run away in horror, realizing that I'll need that liver later, and swallowing it back down in all its slimy glory to laugh it up again a second later.

Don't you wish I'd waited until the meds kicked in before I started to talk?

Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:01 PM | shower me with attention

Monday, May 20, 2002

Rynn poked Dave's belly.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 6:26 PM | shower me with attention