this is going to be one of those fun posts...when i wake up the next day, read it and go "what the hell was i thinking!!!".

i'm in the hellish state before bed on a night where i know i am not making it to work the next day. even called in already. barb gave me a couple ambien and they make my arms feel really long but they don't put me to sleep. of course, i guess it helps to actually *be* in bed (which i am not). but the problem is more my asthma and i have to wait until tomorrow morning to solve that one. unless someone's got a spare endotracheal tube on hand?...no?...ah, just as well, i don't have the vent to hook it up to so : P~~~~~

in between spasms of wheezing and actively avoiding the chore of stairs and walking more than 40 feet, my brain has actually been going a mile a minute. it's kinda scary actually.

i have taken out the chococat notebook that my sister gave me and just wrote titles on each of the first few pages...a general idea of an area of my life i need to work on underneath which i scribble more ill-formed inane ideas about perhaps fulfilling the title's ideal. (i am so dizzy right now)

page 1 - school
Naturopath school - look into other distance schools out there, if any.
Vocal lessons
Cooking - there's this lady in town who teaches vegetarian cooking. i really should enroll.

page 2 - play
Band - i need, need, need a band. i know we'll suck but we'll have so much fun, dammit!
Ice skating - i need to find a rink around me, cause i need to learn, cause everytime i watch a hockey game, i want to be out on the ice. gotta gotta gotta. gonna get me some hockey skates...to hell with toe picks!!

page 3 - Religion
Read, Read, Read. it's amazing how much people ask me and every single time i can't give them a straight satisfactory answer. of course, i try to sound authoritative but that's just to cover up the fact that i don't really know what i'm talking about. i also need to set up my altar and get a wiccan calendar. it might help to celebrate the esbats and sabbats if i actually know what day they fall on {g}

page 4 - Work
gotta go to Christmas Tree Shop and get one of those mirrors that looks a window. the girls at work will get such a kick out of it. my department works in the basement and we get virtually *no* fresh air so "cracking open a window" has become one of our in-jokes. i have to put on up. it may help my boss's mood. she is stressed because one of my coworkers hasnt been in for four weeks and now she is putting in an ad in the paper for another transcriptionist but yet liz isn't fired yet. and she takes this out on the rest of us, mostly me (confirmed by my coworkers...i do get the brunt of it).

Page 4 - Love - this is an area i really need to work on...at least on an emotional-where-do-i-stand mode. i at least have to give it some thought. i find myself despising it and planning my life not only without it but actively avoiding it and then i get days where i pine for a guy and just wish he would notice me and we could live happily ever after. i wish i didn't do these things. i can't commit enough for a date but i already have our first son named.

Page 5 - Home_- this will be worked on once i know if i am looking for one, two or three bedrooms (and where).

Page 6 - Music - what will eventually become the list of CD's i have to remember to buy it's only duty as of yet is to serve as a reminder that i have to do kitana's MIXTAPE!!! enough already!! gotta get it done!!

enough of my babbling. my chest hurts, my head feels heavy and i need new medication cause i just ain't getting better on what they put me on. so early to bed, early to rise and bitch at the poor medical assistant who works for my doctor.

a bad case of verbal diarrhea from Cheryl 01:15