tavie.com

The question of the evening is: how undateable am I? (According to the Spark almost completely.)

It's not because two of my childhood friends are now married. It's not because everyone else I know has a boyfriend or a girlfriend. It's not entirely because of these two facts. It's mainly because I've never been on a-- I mean I've been on one-- and I didn't know-- and I don't-- and I only have ever had platonic relationships-- and it's fall and I'm lonely.

There are two giant obstacles to my ever being in a-- forget a relationship-- forget even a date-- how about a "mutually flirtatious situation". The two giant obstacles, which may or not be tautologically related, are as follows:

One: I am exceedingly unattractive. (Or, for the Self Esteem Booster Brigade, think I am, which is largely the same thing, a conclusion I have reached after monitoring the situations of several undeniably attractive friends of mine.)

Two: I am exceedingly shy.

There could be a third reason, which is that I have a completely repellent personality completely unrelated to my physical appearance. After all, Rocky Dennis, the hero of Mask, got a girlfriend. I don't even think I could hook a blind guy.

I do, of course, have standards. There are minimum requirements a person must meet to be, for lack of a better word, a "prospect":

They must be, in some way, intelligent.
I must find them in some way attractive, and at least a tiny fraction of that attraction should be physical.
I can't be related to them or be able to consider them solely in a fraternal/sororital light.

There are, furthermore, preferences that I hold, that are in no way absolutely required by any Prospect for a Flirtatious Situation:

I'd prefer it to be of the male persuasion.
I'd prefer them to speak English.
I'd prefer them to be taller than me.
I'd prefer them to be somewhere within my age range (legal for the lower, within 15 years for the higher, 20 if they're a celebrity and 40 if they're Michael Palin.)
I'd prefer them to not be completely disgusted with my interests.
I'd prefer them to be literate, and even fond of reading.
I'd prefer them not to be currently romantically attached.

Perhaps my Absolute Standards are too narrow. Perhaps I should consider relatives, creeps and the mentally retarded. Who am I to judge anyone in this world who might possibly find me attractive? Does such a person even exist? Could such a person exist, as long as aforementioned obstacles remain in place? How does one become physically attractive and not shy?

I just want to be loved, is that so wrong?

Why are you in Tavie's head? 8:11 PM | shower me with attention