tavie.com

When I thought it couldn't get any worse... now the LCD screen is broken. Yes. Broken. Big ugly black mushroom-shaped tear in the screen. Apple won't repair this under warranty. The cost of repair is much more than we can afford. So even when it comes back with a nice, fixed ethernet port, there will still be a big black mushroom on the screen and I'll just have to live with it.

I am extremely upset. It's just one thing after another after another. I don't know what's going to happen next. It's just crap upon crap upon more crap. Things are falling apart. The seams are unravelling. My sanity is shrivelling.

Shit fuck piss cocksucker.

And last night I dreamed that a former friend of my mother's was a doctor who diagnosed me with an incurable illness and told me I would have to be put to sleep. It was the same malady that killed my Rosie, and I had it, and I was terrified of death. The prospect of death was very, very real in the dream and I spent my last moments trying to contact my friends and tell them I would soon be euthanized. I woke up realizing that I am, indeed, grateful to be alive and afraid of the possibility of death. I could never entertain the thought of suicide because I want to live. Believe it or not, this was a monumental realization for me. I'm afraid of death. Oh, great. Just one more thing to worry about: someday I will die.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:55 AM | shower me with attention