tavie.com

Today I got email from Annie McG, the first friend I made when I moved here and the only one who I still consider a friend, although we never see each other because she lives in Minnesota. Minnesota? Minnesota.

Been bedding down later and later; sleeping now from 7:30 to 4 pm. Much later and I'll start missing my 5:30 class. I purchased Benadryl today.

Today in class was Marianne Moore. I couldn't read any of her at home but I found that I enjoyed her in class. I must release the idea that a book needs to be read from beginning to end; I miss out on much that way when I end up abandoning things early. Must practice reading things from the middle and flipping about.

("Willl you two stop talking about roller blading?"
"Why, are you afraid you're missing out o something?"
"Yes!")

After class, became depressed and moody. Called sister and begged her to meet me for Chinese food and a movie. I've spent almost $400 this week, mostly in expensive and desperate need to do things outside of this apartment.. This is a staggering figure for me. I cannot spend any more money or I will starve in San Francsico later this month. $400 a week is unacceptable. This is an expensive city but living beyond my means is not an option for me. Repeat after myself: You do not have an income. You do not have an income. You do not have an income.

Nevertheless, sister and I went to China Fun and then across the street to The Cat's Meow. Joanna Lumley was fabulous and Eddie Izzard an impressive Chaplin, but Kirsten Dunst irritates me very mucho.

Still moody and depressed. Perhaps hormonal. I sure hope so, am beginning to think I am carrying the next Messiah.

Cheered immensely by coming home to happy news. If I had a therapist I would be talking to her about living vicariously through overachieving younger friends, about despair at wasted potential and useless regret. Read that article about suicidal M.I.T. student today and had to stop, it was making me cry in public twofold: fear for the children, and fear for myself that I was jealous of the overstressed-to-the-point-of-breakage students. Jealous of the ill ones is a bad illness indeed.

The tree sloth frightens me because it has no neck. It is to me what spiders are to Gina. Luckily domestic infestations of tree sloths are rare in this part of the world.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:09 PM | shower me with attention