tavie.com

That picture of The Edge is REALLY bugging me. I should take it down.

Yesterday, I met The Captain and Tenille and we saw The Royal Tenenbaums. It left me feeling a mixture of things, the most prominent of which was bafflement.

Then we returned home and there was Gina, of course, and there was Steve, and Linn confessed that most of the time we were watching The Royal Tenenbaums, she was wondering why she wasn't seeing The Lord of the Rings. So we ended up going to a midnight showing of that.

I was very naughty and had to run around the near-empty theatre seven times like Buster Keaton in A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum because I was too full of coffee and not full enough of Gleemonex, but the movie was just as wonderful the second time and I noticed some new things-- namely, the chopping off of tentacles. Tee-hee.

So that was yesterday. Today I see Urinetown with Tante Joan.

EDGE, go AWAY. You SCARE me.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 12:19 PM | shower me with attention

Friday, January 04, 2002

You know that guy, The Edge, from U2?

I figured out who he looks like.
Witness:

Poor little Dewey's gonna grow up the be The Edge.

Don't believe me? Look at this picture of The Edge when he was a little edgling:

So sad, it is.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:16 PM | shower me with attention

Ah, someone will see The Royal Tenenbaums with me!

Why are you in Tavie's head? 2:42 PM | shower me with attention

Will no one see The Royal Tenenbaums with me?

Peasants.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 2:00 PM | shower me with attention

Here's one for Ade. As Arnold and I were going over this Complicated and Official Data Form thingie, he made a remark about "Friday the thirteenth on a Sunday", adding, "You ever hear of a comic called Pogo?" Imagine his glee when I'd heard of Walt Kelly, had read some Pogo, could join in when he began to sing, "Deck the halls with Boston Charlie..."

But, still, my eyeballs are vibrating and burning with sleepiness. My field of vision actually started wavering as Arnold tried to explain to me exactly what a "swing server" is.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:46 AM | shower me with attention

I miss my Freezy Freakies. Me and Kirsten had matching ones, red-and-white mittens with pink hearts that would appear in the cold.

I feel paralyzed with exhaustion right now. It has come on suddenly and with great force, like a mallet to a watermelon at a Gallagher show. It may be because I did not take my Gleemonex this morning. I must go home tonight and gather more Gleemonex from the anti-depression bushes that are native to my natural habitat. I must also harvest Urinetown tickets. And then I must flee back to the safety of my true niche.

This coffee must be broken. It ain't helping.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:07 AM | shower me with attention

Djin dubs the below "Dave McDonald".

I laugh and laugh. Of course, if Dave and Kevin got married, Dave would change his name.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:54 AM | shower me with attention

Happy Dave Day!

I'm bothered by how much I'm enjoying the disturbing qualities of this picture.

In one year the youngest Kid in the Hall will turn 40. Good times.

My nagging problem of the day: I've stupidly been knitting the stockinette stitch for my current pro-ject, which is meant to be a gift, and not knitting it in the round (since I'm scared to try something new), and of course it curls. Does anyone know a way for me to keep it flat when I'm done? Some sort of edging or something? Send help.

Tonight Steve returns to Mint Manor! And of course I'm down to one Gleemonex again, not having been home in a week, and so I didn't take any this morning and I shan't tonight, but shall save it for tomorrow morning, which should make for a dizzy day ahead.

May everyone's day be resplendent with coffee, blue eyes, and freckles.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:08 AM | shower me with attention

Thursday, January 03, 2002

Am I disturbing?

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:47 PM | shower me with attention

Your flavour rhymes with your name.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:15 PM | shower me with attention

Can there be any doubt?

Which David Bowie are you?

Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:42 PM | shower me with attention

Says erin re: my previous remarks:

i am NOT a pokemon fan.

it's digimon.

there is a huuuuuge difference. pokemon is drivel that is based on toys.

so maybe *that* makes me geekier... but still.

I stand corrected.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 2:53 PM | shower me with attention

According to this geek hierarchy I got from boingboing, my sister is at least as geeky as I am, and actually more so, because although I am a roleplaying gamer, I am not a live-action one, and although I enjoy Star Trek: TNG, I do not write fanfiction about it, whereas she is an erotic fanfic-writing anime fan who insists on subtitles.

And erin is geekier than both of us put together, being a Pokemon fan over the age of six.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:41 PM | shower me with attention

I have so much work to do, but I just can't stop staring at the pictures on my own Mark shrine. I am ashamed of myself.

I have to pee, I have to eat, I have to enter data, I have to worry about the teenagers in my life. No time for idle tomfoolery.

I have "Sword of Damocles" from Rocky Horror in my head.

That ain't no crime.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:16 PM | shower me with attention

I'll tell you what it is. When Linn is here, we have fancy plans and pants to match. I feel like anything is possible. We're going to paint murals, put on musicals, make hippie-patchwork clothing and elf costumes, snow-lanterns and forts. We're going to roll down the hills in Central Park and drink Dean and Deluca coffee and pretend we're Felicity even though neither of us has ever seen the show, or watch Sex and the City and laugh at the ugly clothes and the shallow women and their perfect New York lives, and feel that ours are even better.

When she's not here... meh.

Anyway. Alex just walked by my desk and I made a horrible face at her, and she told me I was making the macaque fear-face. I love undercover primatologists. I asked if she can make the sound, and she said no, but she can make a chimp sound, and I said if I'm real good and finish all my work would she make it?

Hee. I miss Ade.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 12:15 PM | shower me with attention

I am a whore. But at least I'll be a whore playing Tetris.

Oh god, I need to paint "Whore Playing Tetris". Oh boy, I need to buy some paint and canvas. I am inspired.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:06 AM | shower me with attention

Shit. Just shit. I'm so glad Andrew is 18, but I'm also so scared and sorry he's had to be an adult for so much longer than this already.

No, today's not his birthday. I just heard from him after trying to get in touch with him for a few days, along with everyone else who knows him. And it's been a bad holiday for him, and it's going to get worse, and I thought I was an adult, but I don't even come vaguely close.

My baby brother's older than me.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:44 AM | shower me with attention

I will make out hard with anyone who finds me a copy of Tetris DX for my gameboy.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:27 AM | shower me with attention

Today I am wearing an old grey shirt of my father's from the 70's with the second button missing so I have to keep my oversized sweater on over it. The shirt has a big, pointy 70's collar poking out.

I should buy new clothes. But I don't. Clothes are boring and depressing. I don't know what a gunnysack is, but I wish I was wearing one right now.

Today is an Elvis-Costello-in-my-head day, with no relief, for I left my CD's at Gina's. I blame it on Cain, personally.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:23 AM | shower me with attention

This is uncanny.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:07 AM | shower me with attention

Wednesday, January 02, 2002

I am OUTTA here, ladies and gentlemen!

Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:52 PM | shower me with attention

Sharp as a butterknife
Keen as a spoon
Razor-edged fine
like a hot-air balloon.

Crisp as hot oatmeal,
quick as a snail,
cool as a criminal
cooking in jail.

Similes flying
like smoothly-aimed darts,
spectators crying,
"God damn, but she's smart!"

Smart.
Smarts.

RATS.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:32 PM | shower me with attention

Steve says I have one of the best personalities ever.

That's right, ever. That's a lot of personalities.

And I'm one of the best.

Nyah, nyah!
I should make an awards banner celebrating this.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:20 PM | shower me with attention

Soon I will implement a rigid screening system for potential online acquaintances. Anyone with whom I exchange words will be subject to a location check; if they live outside the tri-state area (or plan to move there soon, for school or what-have-you), I will say, "Sorry, I cannot continue with this communication" and that will be that, because I can't take any more losses. No more goodbyes. No more short visits. I've grown too fat and spoiled with real-life companionship. I'm too weak.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 2:52 PM | shower me with attention

The internet is a terrible place to make friends.

You meet all these people and you love them but they're from far away, like Sweden or Canada or California, so you're never together. And that's their home and this is your home so you simply can't be together. You can have little bites but you never feel full.

You people are all giving me a false sense of fulfillment, but I know it's just gas and soon I'll belch you all up.

Then you're queasy and empty and there's nothing left in the cupboard.

Maybe one thing. Maybe Triscuits.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 2:45 PM | shower me with attention

I'm mildly freaked out for sarah.

:(

I hope she emails or updates soon.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:40 PM | shower me with attention

Want to sleep so badly. To jam hiliter into my eyeball, or not to jam hiliter into my eyeball? Die ist die frage.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 12:13 PM | shower me with attention

What do I want? Tell me please.

A marketable skill.
A marketable skill that I enjoy performing.
A marketable skill that I am passionate about.
An apartment of my own in the city.
The ability to fly like a bird.

They are all equally fantastical ideas. Except, perhaps, the first, as I get paid for typing fast.

I want the fantastical stuff, though.

How to get the rest?

Go to school. Take classes. Learn things I don't know. Get good grades. Enjoy it. Graduate. Go to better school. Work even harder. Enjoy it. Get degree. Meet a pixie and ask him to sprinkle me with flying dust.

It all seems impossible. Especially "enjoy it".

I wish I was:

Eighteen again.
Graduating from Bronx Science with all my Regents credits.
Applying to schools that I like.
Smart. Book-smart, people-smart, street-smart.
Creative.
Passionate.
Talented enough to use it.

Pretty.

Passionate.

Well, fuck all that. Fuck want. What I am:

(Take a deep breath. In, out. Now, don't hurt yourself in what you say next. Be objective. Be reasonable. Be accurate.)

Reasonably intelligent.
Reasonably able to cope with other people.
Alive.
Able to do small things that provide amusement and comfort to myself. (Examples include drawing pictures, singing songs like Julie Andrews, making things rhyme, whistling, hugging.)
In my early 20's.
Reasonably healthy and strong.
In posession of a job, family, and friends, all of which provide a comfortable support system.
Capable of learning. Yes. Yes, Tavie.
In possession of coffee.

You have assets. Now shut up and do something productive.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:44 AM | shower me with attention

There is a big wooden cross in the back by the fax machine.

Jesus?

Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:31 AM | shower me with attention

I'm bored. I'm bored. I'm bored. If you're reading this, you should call me. Right now.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:43 AM | shower me with attention

Top five guys with moustaches (fictional or otherwise):

5. Mike
4. Danny Husk
3. My dad
2. ~~Tom Selleck~~ Tom Skerritt
1. Any male contestant on Match Game

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:41 AM | shower me with attention

Maybe yout lent it to someone.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:25 AM | shower me with attention

Hello. Goot mornink. Warm in here, isn't it?

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:20 AM | shower me with attention

Despite my notoriously bad sense of smell, a few things do get past the ol' olfactory blockades, and one of these is the smell of crayons. Gosh, but I love them. I wish I had some with me.

I think we strained the limits of How Much Hedwig one can watch/listen to in the space of four days. Not only did w e watch it again last night, this time with subtitles, but Gina and I listened to it in the car this morning. I am now trying to train myself ONLY to sing along with Miriam and Trask. It takes discipline!

Oooooh, la, la, la
oooooh, la la la....

and

...like I cut the legs off the whales...
right up in half...
....FIRE, shot down from the sky in bolts...

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:12 AM | shower me with attention

Good morning, world. Here's a new list of Disturbing Search Referrals for Tavie.com to start my day!

30 Dec, Sun, 17:38:37 Google: "Tabitha Southey"
30 Dec, Sun, 18:24:49 Yahoo: pissdrinkers
30 Dec, Sun, 19:39:37 Google: "Lisa Miller" boobs
31 Dec, Mon, 06:07:53 Yahoo: anthro naughty
01 Jan, Tue, 14:48:01 Google: "dave foley" crissy
01 Jan, Tue, 15:03:41 Google: john ritter scrotum
01 Jan, Tue, 19:47:29 Yahoo: Rufus Wainright Shrek Lyrics
01 Jan, Tue, 20:07:21 Google: tosswords dictionary
01 Jan, Tue, 22:51:09 Yahoo: shirley temple spanking

Ahh, the return of "john ritter scrotum"! Welcome to 2002!

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:02 AM | shower me with attention

Tuesday, January 01, 2002

Cheryl and Mike are on their way out the door. I am avoiding the pain of separation by blogging.

Tonight was dinner near Mattland with Matt and us and crayons and rosehip tea.

Tomorrow is work. My mom brought me my pills in my Judy Garland pillbox so I could sleep over here again tonight.

I've got a Lust for Christ, yeahhhhhh.

My socks do not have heels anymore.

He emailed Firefighter Mick after my tip. Teeheehee, teeheehee. Teehee. I feel both powerful and disconnected. What an odd feeling.

I don't want her to go. Or her. Or her. Or him.

{melodrama}
Why does everyone I love... go away?
{/melodrama}

Now to pee. And avoid.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:01 PM | shower me with attention

My New Year's Resolutions:

+Get EVEN FATTER. Try to get so fat that people avoid my eye.
+Lose my job, get a CRAPPY new job!
+Fail all classes.
+Be as annoying as possible to the people around me.
+Never clean under my fingernails.
+Three words: scab-picking, scab-picking, scab-picking! Is that six words?
+Forget how to count.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 2:04 PM | shower me with attention

Hey...stairs are tricky!
And the Goose thing... was... you are so... I can't believe you... I...

VAGINA-LOOKER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:59 PM | shower me with attention

There is DRUNKEN REVELRY and ASS GRABBING by proxy over here!

Why are you in Tavie's head? 12:14 AM | shower me with attention

Monday, December 31, 2001

I'm jealous, Rynn. Everyone here is watching boring things like football. I want me some Kate. She always makes me happy.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 6:50 PM | shower me with attention

Today is Goose's birthday.

She is my hero. I have a few, and she is one of them.

I hope she has marvelous-much fun tonight at that concert. I hope she has a wonderful seventeenth year. Seventeen doesn't seem to me to be a very exciting year, but I know she'll do unbelievable and bizarre and exciting things with it, damn her.

Happy birthday, Saxonberg.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 12:45 AM | shower me with attention

Sunday, December 30, 2001

I bore myself. I'm boring myself constantly. I'm so bored by myself right now I'm practically asleep. Mint Manor is full of goils (and a boil), but they're all engrossed in the director's commentary, so they can't make the Tavie voice in my head shut up. I could listen to John Cameron Mitchell talk, but he's beginning to exhaust me. (No, I'm not getting Hedwigged out. I'm just getting loopy.)

Why is there nothing new under the sun? and the moon and the earth and some indian god--

--gah, maybe there is such a thing as too much, I can't complete a thought without Stephen Trask interrupting it.

I'm going to go colour with my crayons now.

Miles of numb metaphors surrounding a tiny, flickering intellect.

I'm Ringo.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:01 PM | shower me with attention

Can you get Hedwigged out?

Maybe. Maybe you can. I can't.

We thought the wall would stand forever
but now that it's gone
we don't know who we are anymore...

Why are you in Tavie's head? 8:19 PM | shower me with attention

I went in my nightgown to get firewood and coffee and now they won't let me nap.

Good times!

Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:22 PM | shower me with attention

Take the What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be? Quiz

Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:12 PM | shower me with attention

Take the Which Beatle Are You? Quiz.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:51 PM | shower me with attention

Linn is here and they are all trying to make me go out and get money and firewood and stuff and that means I have to get dressed and I don't want to 'cause I'm sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy so I'm staying on the computer as long as possible, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 2:44 PM | shower me with attention