Tavie blogs i like:
amy
dave foley
mark mckinney
e.mail
archive
andrew
carl
barb cooking blog
boing boing
caroline
cartoon brew
chris
cityroom
consumerist
erin
gena/ deadly stealth frogs
gothamist
jim hill
kids in the hall lj
kithblog
matt k
mike t
nathan
post secret
rynn
sarah
sarah c
sean
tea rose
toby
tom
webcomics i read:
american elf
american stickman
elfquest
lolcats!
masque of the red death
the perry bible fellowship
toothpaste for dinner
ultrajoebot
xkcd
Other places to find me:
me on the tumblr
me on the flickr
me on the formspring
me on the twitter
me on the ravelry
me on the myspace
Subscribe in a reader
Kids in the Hall on Facebook
Tasty Morsels Bakery on Facebook
my 'currently-reading' shelf:
i want:
wish list
i've read:
goodreads list
Thursday, May 31, 2001
Shit. Okay. Okay. Everyone should know this. This is merely a public service:
Spy Kids is fucking awesome.
I think perhaps the best kids movie since Willy Wonka.
No, I mean it. I know I was kind of snotty and bitchy about not wanting to see it, because the trailers looked bad, but the trailers do not at ALL reflect the coolness of this movie. Oh my god. Just, just, three words:
Floop is God.
(YES, youwere right. But it's not my fault that Spy Kids is a great movie. How was I supposed to know? I didn't know CHEECH was in it, for god's sake!)
Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:43 PM | shower me with attention
Spy Kids is fucking awesome.
I think perhaps the best kids movie since Willy Wonka.
No, I mean it. I know I was kind of snotty and bitchy about not wanting to see it, because the trailers looked bad, but the trailers do not at ALL reflect the coolness of this movie. Oh my god. Just, just, three words:
Floop is God.
(YES, youwere right. But it's not my fault that Spy Kids is a great movie. How was I supposed to know? I didn't know CHEECH was in it, for god's sake!)
Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:43 PM | shower me with attention
Oh my fucking god, I just went through all the picture pages at Daveporn USA and made a list of all the broken links. Like half the fucking thing has disappeared. Whole pages have disappeared. (Luckily many still exist at the old geocities site.) But still. Jeezus. I have to dig through all my crap and look for all these hundreds of pictures. I don't want to. Just kill me. Maybe I'll drop out of fandom. What has it done for me lately? :P
Crappity crap.
In other news, I have been entranced by ESPN's coverage of the national spelling bees. It's fascinating. One of the announcers said, "It must be a great feeling to know a word and to just SPELL it!"
LOL.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 12:31 PM | shower me with attention
Crappity crap.
In other news, I have been entranced by ESPN's coverage of the national spelling bees. It's fascinating. One of the announcers said, "It must be a great feeling to know a word and to just SPELL it!"
LOL.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 12:31 PM | shower me with attention
So, erin finally explained to me what "referrals" are, so I went and looked at mine, and oh my lord:
Top 4 of 4 Total Search Strings
# Hits Search String
1 4 40.00% tavie shrine dave foley
2 2 20.00% bitch slapped
3 2 20.00% dave foley
4 2 20.00% john ritter scrotum
I can't stop laughing.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:28 AM | shower me with attention
Top 4 of 4 Total Search Strings
# Hits Search String
1 4 40.00% tavie shrine dave foley
2 2 20.00% bitch slapped
3 2 20.00% dave foley
4 2 20.00% john ritter scrotum
I can't stop laughing.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:28 AM | shower me with attention
My Kitana is having anxiety dreams and such. Actually this one struck a chord with me. No, not the stalker thing. Sheesh. The purple-plaid shirt thing. I once had a dream where I was waiting in line and I turned around and behind me was Kevin McDonald, wearing a purple plaid shirt.
That's an oldie from the KITH Dream Notebook I used to keep. I should dig that thing out, reread it. Scary.
Oh, my Kitana. Good things are happening for you. Sucky everyday-life things, too. But if those ever suck too much, call me and we'll sing "Beautiful City", and after that they won't seem to suck quite so badly.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 8:38 AM | shower me with attention
That's an oldie from the KITH Dream Notebook I used to keep. I should dig that thing out, reread it. Scary.
Oh, my Kitana. Good things are happening for you. Sucky everyday-life things, too. But if those ever suck too much, call me and we'll sing "Beautiful City", and after that they won't seem to suck quite so badly.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 8:38 AM | shower me with attention
Hey.
Hey.
Hey, he is cute.
He-ey.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 8:24 AM | shower me with attention
Hey.
Hey, he is cute.
He-ey.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 8:24 AM | shower me with attention
Wednesday, May 30, 2001
Some Aimee quotes for Prince Charming's yearbook:
Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream,
I hope you drown and never come back. -Aimee Mann
Nothing else works quite as well:
Nothing is good enough for people like you. -Aimee Mann
I don't know what else you hear, but it's not me weeping. -Aimee Mann
Other people get by on either bourbon or god. -Aimee Mann
Finals blew... -Aimee Mann (hee hee)
It's not going to stop. -Aimee Mann
I'll do flips and get paid in chips from a diamond as big as the Ritz:
Then I'm calling it quits. -Aimee Mann
That last one really doesn't work. I think an "asshole" tacked onto the end would benefit it immensely.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:30 PM | shower me with attention
Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream,
I hope you drown and never come back. -Aimee Mann
Nothing else works quite as well:
Nothing is good enough for people like you. -Aimee Mann
I don't know what else you hear, but it's not me weeping. -Aimee Mann
Other people get by on either bourbon or god. -Aimee Mann
Finals blew... -Aimee Mann (hee hee)
It's not going to stop. -Aimee Mann
I'll do flips and get paid in chips from a diamond as big as the Ritz:
Then I'm calling it quits. -Aimee Mann
That last one really doesn't work. I think an "asshole" tacked onto the end would benefit it immensely.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:30 PM | shower me with attention
Oh, my, NO, Nicole, you are most certainly not the only one fixated with EPCOT. EPCOT is the focus of my most common anxiety dream: I am on a trip to Disney World. Usually with the Usual Gang of Idiots (i.e. my family and/or Erica, Steph and my sister). It is the last day or next-to-last day, and I realize with horror that we have not yet been to EPCOT! We're running out of time! I try to hustle us over there, but everything gets in the way. We cannot get to EPCOT! We're going to miss going there!
I know that doesn't sound so bad, but it's awful. I don't know why; EPCOT is my favourite of the Disney Parks and the source of a great deal of my Magical Childhood Whimsy, but it's a strange damned anxiety dream to have. It's very... middle-class white girl with no life.
I have been to Disney World 20 times.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:27 AM | shower me with attention
I know that doesn't sound so bad, but it's awful. I don't know why; EPCOT is my favourite of the Disney Parks and the source of a great deal of my Magical Childhood Whimsy, but it's a strange damned anxiety dream to have. It's very... middle-class white girl with no life.
I have been to Disney World 20 times.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:27 AM | shower me with attention
Monday, May 28, 2001
Instead of sleeping last night, I read Stephen King's Dreamcatcher for awhile. Then I got up and played Burning Monkey Freecell. Then back to the book. Then back to Freecell. This went on for awhile until around 8:30, when I impulsively dressed and slipped out with a discman playing Godspell. I was in a very lyrical, pastoral, musical theatre sort of mood. I walked down the hill to the park. In my head I ran through my imaginary production of Godspell.
Mark drew my imaginary cast to my side with his imaginary horn and his "Prepare Ye". He then baptized me and I sweetly sang "Save the People" back to him. Linn, dressed in 70's New York garb of her own making, sang "Day By Day" to me; Kitana, in flowing hippie-clown robes, vamped up "Turn Back O Man". My blue Dave shoes, not terribly suited for hiking, sparkled with dew and mud. Kirsten, nonplussed by the state of my shoes, led the whole cast in a rousing rendition of "Bless the Lord" as Rynn and Andrew pranced to and fro with tambourines. I walked past a softball diamond crowded with fat geese, and Matt turned out an apologetic rendition of "Light of the World", with Crissy (she's in my production now {g}) and Rynn backing him up, as though to make up for the lack of true Goose in my imaginary biblical adventure. Mark and I soft-shoed to "All for the Best"; dew and bits of grass flew off my shoes as I imaginarily tapped across the path. I glideded softly under a clump of trees as we all joined hands across my mind and circled Cheryl, draped in violet gauze for "All Good Gifts". (Andrew accompanied on recorder.) Finally, I had to turn back (oh, man) and it was with heavy, plodding feet that I had to fight the evil Pharisees with my angry rendition of "Alas For You". Gina calmed me with "By My Side", flanked by Kirsten and Matt. Much cheered, I skipped... panted... back up the hill to Mint Manor, one arm around imaginary Crissy and the other around imaginary Kitana for "Beautiful City". Then things became sad. As I reached the house, Mark was preparing my imaginary cast for my impending death with his haunting "On the Willows". Not in the mood to be crucified, I reached home just in time to throw down my discman, grab a Diet Coke, and join my imaginary cast for premature bows.
You should have been there.
It's good you're not here right now, though. I kind of smell.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:58 AM | shower me with attention
Mark drew my imaginary cast to my side with his imaginary horn and his "Prepare Ye". He then baptized me and I sweetly sang "Save the People" back to him. Linn, dressed in 70's New York garb of her own making, sang "Day By Day" to me; Kitana, in flowing hippie-clown robes, vamped up "Turn Back O Man". My blue Dave shoes, not terribly suited for hiking, sparkled with dew and mud. Kirsten, nonplussed by the state of my shoes, led the whole cast in a rousing rendition of "Bless the Lord" as Rynn and Andrew pranced to and fro with tambourines. I walked past a softball diamond crowded with fat geese, and Matt turned out an apologetic rendition of "Light of the World", with Crissy (she's in my production now {g}) and Rynn backing him up, as though to make up for the lack of true Goose in my imaginary biblical adventure. Mark and I soft-shoed to "All for the Best"; dew and bits of grass flew off my shoes as I imaginarily tapped across the path. I glideded softly under a clump of trees as we all joined hands across my mind and circled Cheryl, draped in violet gauze for "All Good Gifts". (Andrew accompanied on recorder.) Finally, I had to turn back (oh, man) and it was with heavy, plodding feet that I had to fight the evil Pharisees with my angry rendition of "Alas For You". Gina calmed me with "By My Side", flanked by Kirsten and Matt. Much cheered, I skipped... panted... back up the hill to Mint Manor, one arm around imaginary Crissy and the other around imaginary Kitana for "Beautiful City". Then things became sad. As I reached the house, Mark was preparing my imaginary cast for my impending death with his haunting "On the Willows". Not in the mood to be crucified, I reached home just in time to throw down my discman, grab a Diet Coke, and join my imaginary cast for premature bows.
You should have been there.
It's good you're not here right now, though. I kind of smell.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:58 AM | shower me with attention
Sunday, May 27, 2001
Oh my god, they just showed the "Mayor of Simpleton" video! I didn't even know there WAS a "Mayor of Simpleton" video!!! That's like one of my favourite XTC songs ever, I had a whole "Low Self-Esteem Mix" idea revolving around that song.
Damn, I love this channel.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 6:18 AM | shower me with attention
Damn, I love this channel.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 6:18 AM | shower me with attention
VH1 Classic just showed the "Voices Carry" video! I ran from the computer and sat cross-legged up close to the tv like a 4-year-old watching Sesame Street. Now they're playing "Let's Hear it For the Boy", which I unabashedly love, and not just because the little kid in in is Aaron Lohr ("Mushie" from Newsies).
Oh, god, Nicole, I just love you! I always sing "Ticket to Ride" like that. I just do. I love Clarence, the Real Fifth Beatle. {g} That's so funny. I actually had to re-explain to my sister the other day why I was singing it that way.
And you're singing Aimee. She was in my scary dream about the oranges the other night. She was mad at me in the dream. Man, oranges freak me out since that dream. Gina said "You had the pear dream again" and I laughed and laughed because that's exactly what it is.
Linn wants more Patton details. I can't think of many...Gina gave some good ones. He had some new material, that was good. He made a reference to Templeton from Charlotte's Web that made me laugh a lot. Everything he said did. His bit about pot-shopping in Amsterdam was magnificent. And the Stello Dora (or is it Stella Doro? I can't remember) Breakfast Treats one. God he's funny. And Brian Posehn, I love him now. I liked him before, but I love him now. His nerdliness charms me to no end. He riffs on nerds like a Def Jam Comic will riff on "niggas". Power to you, my brother!
::annoyed voice:: We're X-Files!
Hee hee.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 5:54 AM | shower me with attention
Oh, god, Nicole, I just love you! I always sing "Ticket to Ride" like that. I just do. I love Clarence, the Real Fifth Beatle. {g} That's so funny. I actually had to re-explain to my sister the other day why I was singing it that way.
And you're singing Aimee. She was in my scary dream about the oranges the other night. She was mad at me in the dream. Man, oranges freak me out since that dream. Gina said "You had the pear dream again" and I laughed and laughed because that's exactly what it is.
Linn wants more Patton details. I can't think of many...Gina gave some good ones. He had some new material, that was good. He made a reference to Templeton from Charlotte's Web that made me laugh a lot. Everything he said did. His bit about pot-shopping in Amsterdam was magnificent. And the Stello Dora (or is it Stella Doro? I can't remember) Breakfast Treats one. God he's funny. And Brian Posehn, I love him now. I liked him before, but I love him now. His nerdliness charms me to no end. He riffs on nerds like a Def Jam Comic will riff on "niggas". Power to you, my brother!
::annoyed voice:: We're X-Files!
Hee hee.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 5:54 AM | shower me with attention
Saturday, May 26, 2001
Oh, poor pumpkin. :(
Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:42 PM | shower me with attention
Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:42 PM | shower me with attention
If James McNew is shaggy-head, then yes, he was there. He was actually the first one pointed out to me, and I said, "Is that the one Goose met at White Trash Wins Lotto? I'm just not good with names, see.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:38 PM | shower me with attention
Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:38 PM | shower me with attention
OHHHH FUCK. I remember what I wanted to blog about. Yo La Tengo was in the audience at the Patton show tonight. erin pointed them out to me. I had a very clear view of that Ira guy in his seat next to the stage and I found that I could not stop staring at him, although I have never listened to Yo La Tengo. How long ago did I buy that one album and I still haven't listened to it? (Oh, well, am I surprised? HOW long did it take me to sit down and REALLY listen to the Beatles? Or anyone else? {g}) Anyway, the reason I couldn't stop staring is because Ira Kaplan is SO CUTE. OH MY GOD. I fell in love with him. Especially when he laughed (at all the really COOL places to laugh, may I add ;). Oh my god. Oh. Oh. He's so cute. He's SO cute. That Georgia gal is really cute too, although I couldn't see her too well. But I could easily incorporate her into my love, and formulate a husband-and-wife fantasy a la Aimee and Michael. That Ira, he... he... okay, get this, I'm so shallow, that THIS is what is going to get me to listen to their music. His adorableness.
Damn, erin's right. I'm a fuckin' weirdo.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:26 AM | shower me with attention
Damn, erin's right. I'm a fuckin' weirdo.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:26 AM | shower me with attention
I went with Gina and erin and erin's dave (as opposed to my dave, ha ha) to see Patton Oswalt tonight. Brian Posehn was there too. They were fucking hilarious. Patton is god.Gina wrote a very good account of it, you should read it (whoever you are. Who ARE you? Who's reading this damn thing? Besides my friends? Scary, man!). erin's dave is very cool. I like him. He took us up to his office, which was nearby, so I could pee. I peed in Nickelodeon's bathroom! That was cool.
Ummmm, what else. I've been quite vomitous for the past few days but I only puked once. Oh, I won an X the Owl. It's a crappy ("loved") one, but that's okay. That's probably the way mine would be by now if I still had him. Hell, for all I know that IS the one I used to have. {g}
Oh, that commercial with the turtle in the car is on. I love the turtle in the car.
Was there other stuff I wanted to say? Patton rules, I won X, I've been having nightmares about oranges, um... yeah, I guess that's all for now.
OH! School's out. Woo hoo!
Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:14 AM | shower me with attention
Ummmm, what else. I've been quite vomitous for the past few days but I only puked once. Oh, I won an X the Owl. It's a crappy ("loved") one, but that's okay. That's probably the way mine would be by now if I still had him. Hell, for all I know that IS the one I used to have. {g}
Oh, that commercial with the turtle in the car is on. I love the turtle in the car.
Was there other stuff I wanted to say? Patton rules, I won X, I've been having nightmares about oranges, um... yeah, I guess that's all for now.
OH! School's out. Woo hoo!
Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:14 AM | shower me with attention
Thursday, May 24, 2001
I made a discovery last night: Freecell. I love Freecell.
Also, I'm ready to talk about The Beatles now. I know I'm 30 years too late and everyone's all done, but seriously, I just like 20 minutes ago found some compilations. Me and The Beatles have a sad relationship. I consider it child abuse that my parents did not expose me to them as a youngster, and now I've only a few sad compilation albums to get me through. So I need help. Help. I need somebody. Not just anybody. He-e-elp. What should I listen to? What are your favourites? Aren't they the best? Man I love them.
It's so sad, isn't it? ::waving hand in the air:: I'm ready now! I know I'm a little late, but come on!
Why are you in Tavie's head? 5:48 AM | shower me with attention
Also, I'm ready to talk about The Beatles now. I know I'm 30 years too late and everyone's all done, but seriously, I just like 20 minutes ago found some compilations. Me and The Beatles have a sad relationship. I consider it child abuse that my parents did not expose me to them as a youngster, and now I've only a few sad compilation albums to get me through. So I need help. Help. I need somebody. Not just anybody. He-e-elp. What should I listen to? What are your favourites? Aren't they the best? Man I love them.
It's so sad, isn't it? ::waving hand in the air:: I'm ready now! I know I'm a little late, but come on!
Why are you in Tavie's head? 5:48 AM | shower me with attention
Wednesday, May 23, 2001
Vomiting is the worst experience ever. It is so traumatic for me, I hate it.
Kirsten says no one likes it, but I have this idea that somehow it's worse for me. Because I am crazy.
Kirsten took care of me. I love her. She held my head and sat on the bathroom floor with me and said funny things. Later she made me soup. Kirsten is the best sister. I have never done anything like that for her.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 7:22 PM | shower me with attention
Kirsten says no one likes it, but I have this idea that somehow it's worse for me. Because I am crazy.
Kirsten took care of me. I love her. She held my head and sat on the bathroom floor with me and said funny things. Later she made me soup. Kirsten is the best sister. I have never done anything like that for her.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 7:22 PM | shower me with attention
Still nauseous.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 8:06 AM | shower me with attention
Why are you in Tavie's head? 8:06 AM | shower me with attention
What I did was, I banged my shin. It didn't hurt at the time but now it does.I sort of scraped it. Klutz. You damn klutz. Watch where you're going why don't you. Ow.
WHINE WHINE WHINE
Why are you in Tavie's head? 8:06 AM | shower me with attention
WHINE WHINE WHINE
Why are you in Tavie's head? 8:06 AM | shower me with attention
Need my Cheryl. She's so strong. She doesn't even know...
I feel nauseous.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 8:03 AM | shower me with attention
I feel nauseous.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 8:03 AM | shower me with attention
Hey, I think that's my favourite song from "Born on a Pirate Ship".
I can't open anyone's blogs today. What's up with that?
Why are you in Tavie's head? 5:22 AM | shower me with attention
I can't open anyone's blogs today. What's up with that?
Why are you in Tavie's head? 5:22 AM | shower me with attention
Tuesday, May 22, 2001
Just got back from my last drawing class. It was anti-climactic. So was the end of last semester's. I think all last art classes are anti-climactic. No big words of wisdom or emotional goodbyes to these people I've bonded with over these past few months. One guy, Bobby, took a few snaps with his digital camera, but it was no big partying affair. We took a little exam, handed in and got back some drawings, and sort of trickled out. I stuck my head into Sally and Prof. Swain's office and said, "Well, bye, I had fun." And they smiled and waved. But I thought that shouldn't be it, so I stuck my head back in and said, "One thing: should I take advanced drawing next semester?" and Prof. Swain looked up from his grading and said, "Yes. You're one of the few natural talents in this class. You need to get your act together, show up to class and stop fooling around."
That, I felt, was sufficient closure, so I nodded and waved again and marched out with my big plastic bag full of smudged charcoal masterpieces.
I'm still thirsty. I think it's all the antihistamines.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 7:39 PM | shower me with attention
That, I felt, was sufficient closure, so I nodded and waved again and marched out with my big plastic bag full of smudged charcoal masterpieces.
I'm still thirsty. I think it's all the antihistamines.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 7:39 PM | shower me with attention
It is amazing how many celebrity search sites are linked to my old Dave page. I wonder whatever happened to Larissa.
Richard is mad at me again. Whatever. It takes two people to have a conversation, you know.
Anyway. I'm thirsty and my sleeping is all fucked up. Whatever.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 7:53 AM | shower me with attention
Richard is mad at me again. Whatever. It takes two people to have a conversation, you know.
Anyway. I'm thirsty and my sleeping is all fucked up. Whatever.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 7:53 AM | shower me with attention
Monday, May 21, 2001
I am exhausted in the dream and I become more exhausted in my sleep, if that's possible. I wake up tired, amazed that I can even get out of bed...
...In my waking like, I am almost this tired...
...That's the thing I want to make clear about depression: It's got nothing at all to do with life. In the course of life, there is sadness and pain and sorrow, all of which, in their right time and season, are normal--unpleasant, but normal. Depression is an altogether different zone because it involves sa complete absence: absence of affect, absence of feeling, absence of response, absense of interest. The pain you feel in the course of a major depression is an attempt on nature's part (nature, after all, abhors a vacuum) to fill up the empty space...
...And the scariest part is that if you ask anyone in the throes of depression how he got there, to pin down the turning point, he'll never know...
...in the midst of a wildly vibrant city like New York, raised by people who were not really involved or engaged in the culture...
...helping me fill in patterns on the Lite Brite... dancing around the living room with me while we played Free to Be You and Me...
...they all seemed to enjoy braiding my long, long hair...
...until I really cracked up, at ten or eleven or twelve or whenever it was, you most certainly would have described me as, well, as full of promise...
...Dr. Isaac is the psychiatrist that the school psychologist recommended to my mother when I started to spend more time hanging out in her office than in the classroom...
...By now I have an entire secret life that my mother either doesn't know or doesn't want to know about: Several days a month I wake up in the morning and get dressed to go to school, but instead I take my knapsack and head over tot he local McDonald's, drink tea and eat an Egg McMuffin for breakfast, wait until my mother has left for work at 9:00, and then I go back home and get into bed for the rest of the day...
...Nothing about my life seemed worthy of art or literature or even of just plain life. It seemed too stupid, too girlish, too middle-class...
Prozac Nation
Thank you, Elizbeth Wurtzel, for writing my book. Now what am I going to write?
Oh, well, at least she's not fat.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:18 AM | shower me with attention
...In my waking like, I am almost this tired...
...That's the thing I want to make clear about depression: It's got nothing at all to do with life. In the course of life, there is sadness and pain and sorrow, all of which, in their right time and season, are normal--unpleasant, but normal. Depression is an altogether different zone because it involves sa complete absence: absence of affect, absence of feeling, absence of response, absense of interest. The pain you feel in the course of a major depression is an attempt on nature's part (nature, after all, abhors a vacuum) to fill up the empty space...
...And the scariest part is that if you ask anyone in the throes of depression how he got there, to pin down the turning point, he'll never know...
...in the midst of a wildly vibrant city like New York, raised by people who were not really involved or engaged in the culture...
...helping me fill in patterns on the Lite Brite... dancing around the living room with me while we played Free to Be You and Me...
...they all seemed to enjoy braiding my long, long hair...
...until I really cracked up, at ten or eleven or twelve or whenever it was, you most certainly would have described me as, well, as full of promise...
...Dr. Isaac is the psychiatrist that the school psychologist recommended to my mother when I started to spend more time hanging out in her office than in the classroom...
...By now I have an entire secret life that my mother either doesn't know or doesn't want to know about: Several days a month I wake up in the morning and get dressed to go to school, but instead I take my knapsack and head over tot he local McDonald's, drink tea and eat an Egg McMuffin for breakfast, wait until my mother has left for work at 9:00, and then I go back home and get into bed for the rest of the day...
...Nothing about my life seemed worthy of art or literature or even of just plain life. It seemed too stupid, too girlish, too middle-class...
Prozac Nation
Thank you, Elizbeth Wurtzel, for writing my book. Now what am I going to write?
Oh, well, at least she's not fat.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:18 AM | shower me with attention
Goose, whom I've already gotten a present for :P, asks a question:
How did you get into the music you like today?
And, similarly:
What attracts you to a particular song/album/band/artist?
I got into the music I like today in two ways: I saw a movie or musical play, got the soundtrack, and memorized it (that accounts for the showtunes), or friends (usually sarah) made me a tape, I sat on the tape for a year or three, finally listened to it, and became obsessed. Or else a friend-of-an-acquaintance musician began IMing me, I discovered who they were, listened to their music, and began listening to everything related to that person. (Husbands, influences, favourites of that person, etc. {g})
In other words, friends tell me to listen to someone. I listen. I love or I don't love.
What attracts me to a song?
If I listen to it three times and it sticks, I usually like it. Unless it sucks. I can't explain. It's an instinct. Clever, literate or silly lyrics help. Usually the song has a real catchy hook. Or really good harmonies. Or people clapping, I love any songs with people clapping. {g} Or really strummy guitars and/or harmonicas. I have a thing for harmonica music which can be directly traced to the Sesame Street intros of my youth.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:52 AM | shower me with attention
How did you get into the music you like today?
And, similarly:
What attracts you to a particular song/album/band/artist?
I got into the music I like today in two ways: I saw a movie or musical play, got the soundtrack, and memorized it (that accounts for the showtunes), or friends (usually sarah) made me a tape, I sat on the tape for a year or three, finally listened to it, and became obsessed. Or else a friend-of-an-acquaintance musician began IMing me, I discovered who they were, listened to their music, and began listening to everything related to that person. (Husbands, influences, favourites of that person, etc. {g})
In other words, friends tell me to listen to someone. I listen. I love or I don't love.
What attracts me to a song?
If I listen to it three times and it sticks, I usually like it. Unless it sucks. I can't explain. It's an instinct. Clever, literate or silly lyrics help. Usually the song has a real catchy hook. Or really good harmonies. Or people clapping, I love any songs with people clapping. {g} Or really strummy guitars and/or harmonicas. I have a thing for harmonica music which can be directly traced to the Sesame Street intros of my youth.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:52 AM | shower me with attention
May 21: FUCK YOU!!!!
In your face, asshole! 11 years, you fuckin' fucked up day, you! 11 years gone! 11 years strong! 11 years of medication and recovery from the tyranny of this loathsome, hellish day. It was a Monday just like today that the worst day of my life happened exactly 11 years ago today, and it will be on my mind all day like it is every May 21st. Last year was the worst because it was 10 years. But, FUCK YOU, May 21st!!
Look at me now, you rotten scumbrown slime of a day. You sweatsucking cockmuncher of a day. Look at me now!
Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:40 AM | shower me with attention
In your face, asshole! 11 years, you fuckin' fucked up day, you! 11 years gone! 11 years strong! 11 years of medication and recovery from the tyranny of this loathsome, hellish day. It was a Monday just like today that the worst day of my life happened exactly 11 years ago today, and it will be on my mind all day like it is every May 21st. Last year was the worst because it was 10 years. But, FUCK YOU, May 21st!!
Look at me now, you rotten scumbrown slime of a day. You sweatsucking cockmuncher of a day. Look at me now!
Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:40 AM | shower me with attention
Caroline's still sucks, but we got Patton tickets. Yay.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:36 AM | shower me with attention
Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:36 AM | shower me with attention
Thank Scott! Cheryl lives!!
Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:36 AM | shower me with attention
Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:36 AM | shower me with attention
Sunday, May 20, 2001
WHY, GOD???? WHY??????????
Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:43 AM | shower me with attention
Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:43 AM | shower me with attention
I wouldn't be too jealous yet, if I were you.
Fuckin' Caroline's fuckin' sucks.
I saw two movies today: Shrek and Chasing Amy. One of them I saw in a theatre with two 37-year olds, a 5-year-old and a 4-year-old. The other one I just finished watching on digital cable all by my lonesome. There was entirely too much Ben Affleck in my day. (He's not in Shrek, but it's still too much.)
Warning, spoiler of SHREK to follow!! DO NOT READ BEYOND THIS POINT IF YOU DON'T WANT SHREK RUINED!!!!!!!!
The girl ogre that Cameron Diaz becomes resembles nothing as much as a pretty, green-skinned fat girl. She wasn't even obese, just chunky. She had a better body than I do, I kid you not. I admit that with all honesty and openness, because I do not bother being bitter about cartoons. She just did. She didn't even have a hump or love handles or anything. She was a pretty, green fat girl. So imagine, a bit, how annoying I found it that she was called UGLY and HIDEOUS and HORRIFYING when she was Girl Ogre. Stupid cunts.
But, there was a Rufus Wainright song on the soundtrack, that was nice. And any movie that ends with a Monkees song (I know it's a Neil Diamond song but in my heart it's a Monkees song) is okay with me, I guess.
I guess I'll go to bed and study.
Just to reiterate: Fuckin' Caroline's fuckin' sucks.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:36 AM | shower me with attention
Fuckin' Caroline's fuckin' sucks.
I saw two movies today: Shrek and Chasing Amy. One of them I saw in a theatre with two 37-year olds, a 5-year-old and a 4-year-old. The other one I just finished watching on digital cable all by my lonesome. There was entirely too much Ben Affleck in my day. (He's not in Shrek, but it's still too much.)
Warning, spoiler of SHREK to follow!! DO NOT READ BEYOND THIS POINT IF YOU DON'T WANT SHREK RUINED!!!!!!!!
The girl ogre that Cameron Diaz becomes resembles nothing as much as a pretty, green-skinned fat girl. She wasn't even obese, just chunky. She had a better body than I do, I kid you not. I admit that with all honesty and openness, because I do not bother being bitter about cartoons. She just did. She didn't even have a hump or love handles or anything. She was a pretty, green fat girl. So imagine, a bit, how annoying I found it that she was called UGLY and HIDEOUS and HORRIFYING when she was Girl Ogre. Stupid cunts.
But, there was a Rufus Wainright song on the soundtrack, that was nice. And any movie that ends with a Monkees song (I know it's a Neil Diamond song but in my heart it's a Monkees song) is okay with me, I guess.
I guess I'll go to bed and study.
Just to reiterate: Fuckin' Caroline's fuckin' sucks.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:36 AM | shower me with attention
Friday, May 18, 2001
I'm at Mint Manor now, thank god. Finished the English paper last night. It is 7 and 1/3 pages and very boring. I believe I may be the only person under the age of 25 who can write such an excruciatingly dry, dull and academic paper on the topics of sex and violence. ("Sex and Danger: The Uses of Violence in Homoerotic Fiction". Even the title puts me to sleep.) I can suck the sexiness out of anything, baby.
Gina and I just went to dinner. That diner again. I had pork chops again. I don't think I've ever not had pork chops there.
We must call Caroline's and get Patton tickets, if we still can. Yes, we caved. Neither of us have the money, really, but we're going anyway, 'cause it's Patton.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:51 PM | shower me with attention
Gina and I just went to dinner. That diner again. I had pork chops again. I don't think I've ever not had pork chops there.
We must call Caroline's and get Patton tickets, if we still can. Yes, we caved. Neither of us have the money, really, but we're going anyway, 'cause it's Patton.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:51 PM | shower me with attention
Thursday, May 17, 2001
I also watched an entire episode of MSNBC's Headliners and Legends about Goldie Hawn and Kate Hudson. Every time I see Kate Hudson I am reminded of how some people in this world are golden and beautiful and blessed, and some people are not, even though they may be the same age. How pathetic. (But Mark still talked to me first! Ha!)
Why are you in Tavie's head? 5:21 AM | shower me with attention
Why are you in Tavie's head? 5:21 AM | shower me with attention
People who don't update their blogs suck. Seriously.
I'm supposed to have this week off to be studying and writing papers and such in preparation for next week.
Tonight I was so bored that I actually watched almost an entire Regents preparation show on PBS. It was a math teacher going through problems from old Regents tests. I watched, slack-jawed, for what felt like hours as she went through concepts I left school so I would not have to attempt to understand. My anthro essays remain unprepared. My English paper remains unwritten. I feel fear.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 5:19 AM | shower me with attention
I'm supposed to have this week off to be studying and writing papers and such in preparation for next week.
Tonight I was so bored that I actually watched almost an entire Regents preparation show on PBS. It was a math teacher going through problems from old Regents tests. I watched, slack-jawed, for what felt like hours as she went through concepts I left school so I would not have to attempt to understand. My anthro essays remain unprepared. My English paper remains unwritten. I feel fear.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 5:19 AM | shower me with attention
Wednesday, May 16, 2001
I've often told the story of the day in the green room at Conan where I complimented Dave's blue doc martens. I used to be quite fixated by them. I would simply stare at them whenever we met in person, too shy to meet his eye. I dreamed of owning them. That day in the green room, he came in to get some coffee. He was newly blond then, and seemed even more Godly and Movie-Star-Like than ever before. After greeting us pleasantly, he turned to pour his coffee and out of nowhere I blurted out, "Where did you get those shoes?"
"Uh, Melrose," he said.
Here any normal person would make an intelligent and thoughtful reply, such as, "Ah" or "I see" or "How about that?" Not I. I simply burst out with an oh-so-clever, "D'oh!!!".
On a whim the other day I did an ebay search for said shoes. Not that I wouldn't prefer new ones, mind you, but since I do most of my shopping in this world online, and they are vaguely difficult to find, particularly within my terribly limited price range, I'd not put much thought into obtaining them through regular channels.
Well, guess what.
(To put it another way: WOO-HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:41 AM | shower me with attention
"Uh, Melrose," he said.
Here any normal person would make an intelligent and thoughtful reply, such as, "Ah" or "I see" or "How about that?" Not I. I simply burst out with an oh-so-clever, "D'oh!!!".
On a whim the other day I did an ebay search for said shoes. Not that I wouldn't prefer new ones, mind you, but since I do most of my shopping in this world online, and they are vaguely difficult to find, particularly within my terribly limited price range, I'd not put much thought into obtaining them through regular channels.
Well, guess what.
(To put it another way: WOO-HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:41 AM | shower me with attention
I never answer the phone.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:34 AM | shower me with attention
Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:34 AM | shower me with attention
My Oz Prison Bitch Name is either "Queer Johnny" or "The Piss Guzzler", depending on whether I'm going by Octavia or Tavie.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:33 AM | shower me with attention
Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:33 AM | shower me with attention
Geez, you must be a cola conniseur. (How do you spell that?) What exactly is Pepsi One? I've never understood it. How is it different from Diet Pepsi?
Happy Kevin day, all!
Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:31 AM | shower me with attention
Happy Kevin day, all!
Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:31 AM | shower me with attention
Tuesday, May 15, 2001
I just saw Michael Penn on a repeat of Saturday Night Live. I had part of that appearance on tape somewhere but this time I got the whole blessed thing, complete with Sean Penn ruffling his hair. Michael sang "This and That". I swooned.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:40 AM | shower me with attention
Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:40 AM | shower me with attention
Monday, May 14, 2001
In order of priority:
1. English paper. 8 pages. Probably the topic about violence and "experimental sexuality".
2. Anthro final. Read articles. Prepare essays. Memorize essays.
3. Sociology final. Type out definitions. Memorize definitions.
4. Get a job.
5. Grow up.
6. Rhumba!
(Perhaps switch number 5 with number 6.)
Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:58 PM | shower me with attention
1. English paper. 8 pages. Probably the topic about violence and "experimental sexuality".
2. Anthro final. Read articles. Prepare essays. Memorize essays.
3. Sociology final. Type out definitions. Memorize definitions.
4. Get a job.
5. Grow up.
6. Rhumba!
(Perhaps switch number 5 with number 6.)
Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:58 PM | shower me with attention
If that Weakest Link woman had longer hair, I might be attracted to her.
I think I am definitely fuzzier-headed than I once was. I can't keep simple concepts in my brain. I can't remember words. I can't formulate interesting sentences. I am dull and lacking in creativity. Nothing rhymes anymore. Nothing I write down wants to be read. The only things I write down are emails, newsgroup posts, blog entries and school papers. I need to be quicker and sharper and more interesting.
I tried to register for summer school but the only course I "wanted" was closed. (Evening Math 101.) I don't like math, but I succumbed to maternal pressure and attempted to register for it. Oh, well. She's now trying to convince me to take astronomy. Need to get the science credits out of the way and all that. It's amazing how many courses they make you take when you compare it to European schools. In European schools you decide what to focus on early and then take classes relating to that subject. Not so here, but I wish the requirements weren't so... math-y and science-y. At least P.E. isn't required at my school.
My mom wants me to apply to transfer to Columbia. This would be good because of their anthro program, which is much better than Hunter's. Not to mention prestige level, if that's important at all. But I can't go to Columbia for several reasons, the least of which is the fact that they require P.E. (Monetary issues and the fact that I have absolutely no extracurriculars to put on the application are also factors, not to mention that entire semester of withdrawn classes on my transcript.)
Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:54 PM | shower me with attention
I think I am definitely fuzzier-headed than I once was. I can't keep simple concepts in my brain. I can't remember words. I can't formulate interesting sentences. I am dull and lacking in creativity. Nothing rhymes anymore. Nothing I write down wants to be read. The only things I write down are emails, newsgroup posts, blog entries and school papers. I need to be quicker and sharper and more interesting.
I tried to register for summer school but the only course I "wanted" was closed. (Evening Math 101.) I don't like math, but I succumbed to maternal pressure and attempted to register for it. Oh, well. She's now trying to convince me to take astronomy. Need to get the science credits out of the way and all that. It's amazing how many courses they make you take when you compare it to European schools. In European schools you decide what to focus on early and then take classes relating to that subject. Not so here, but I wish the requirements weren't so... math-y and science-y. At least P.E. isn't required at my school.
My mom wants me to apply to transfer to Columbia. This would be good because of their anthro program, which is much better than Hunter's. Not to mention prestige level, if that's important at all. But I can't go to Columbia for several reasons, the least of which is the fact that they require P.E. (Monetary issues and the fact that I have absolutely no extracurriculars to put on the application are also factors, not to mention that entire semester of withdrawn classes on my transcript.)
Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:54 PM | shower me with attention
Fuckin' ass Blogger wouldn't publish this earlier:
Happy Kitana Day!
Today is Kitana's 20th birthday. Forgetting that she was going away today to spend time with her family and take a trip to California, I ordered a bunch of balloons to be sent to her place today. Then, remembering her plans, I tried to cancel said order (perhaps a welcome-home bunch of balloons would be in better order, for when she's actually there?). I have no idea if the balloon people received my message or not; I got a very strange email in reply. So it will be interesting to see whether or not Kitana returns home to find a bunch of wilted balloons waiting for her. {g}
Today is the last day of classes (except for art tomorrow). Next week is finals week. This week is studying/writing papers week. Whoopee. I have to get my ass dressed and to class for the review sessions. I hope Terry got me an extra study sheet. (I, er, missed Sociology last Thursday. Whoops.)
Must get up and get dressed. Dry hair? No, Mr Sun shall do that for me.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:35 AM | shower me with attention
Happy Kitana Day!
Today is Kitana's 20th birthday. Forgetting that she was going away today to spend time with her family and take a trip to California, I ordered a bunch of balloons to be sent to her place today. Then, remembering her plans, I tried to cancel said order (perhaps a welcome-home bunch of balloons would be in better order, for when she's actually there?). I have no idea if the balloon people received my message or not; I got a very strange email in reply. So it will be interesting to see whether or not Kitana returns home to find a bunch of wilted balloons waiting for her. {g}
Today is the last day of classes (except for art tomorrow). Next week is finals week. This week is studying/writing papers week. Whoopee. I have to get my ass dressed and to class for the review sessions. I hope Terry got me an extra study sheet. (I, er, missed Sociology last Thursday. Whoops.)
Must get up and get dressed. Dry hair? No, Mr Sun shall do that for me.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:35 AM | shower me with attention
Sunday, May 13, 2001
o/~One Was Johnny...
One was Johnny who lived by himself
Two was the rat who jumped on the shelf
Three was the cat who chased the rat
Four was the dog who came in and sat
Five was the turtle who bit the dog's tail
Six was the monkey who brought in the mail
Seven the blackbird, pecked poor Johnny's nose.
One was Johnny.
Eight was a tiger out selling old clothes
Nine was the robber who took an old shoe
Ten was a puzzle: What would Johnny do?
One was Johnny.
He stood on a chair and he said:
"Here's what I'll do:
I'll start to count backwards, and when I am through
If this house isn't empty, I'll eat all of you!
Nine was the robber who left looking pale
Eight was the tiger who chased him to jail
Seven the blackbird, flew off to Havana
Six was the monkey who stole a banana
Five was the turtle who crawled off to bed
Four was the dog who went home on a sled
Three was the cat who pounced on the rat
Two was the rat who left with the cat
And one was Johnny.
One was Johnny who lived by himself
and liked it like that.
-Words by Maurice Sendak. Music by Carole King. Vocal stylings by Tavie.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 6:23 AM | shower me with attention
One was Johnny who lived by himself
Two was the rat who jumped on the shelf
Three was the cat who chased the rat
Four was the dog who came in and sat
Five was the turtle who bit the dog's tail
Six was the monkey who brought in the mail
Seven the blackbird, pecked poor Johnny's nose.
One was Johnny.
Eight was a tiger out selling old clothes
Nine was the robber who took an old shoe
Ten was a puzzle: What would Johnny do?
One was Johnny.
He stood on a chair and he said:
"Here's what I'll do:
I'll start to count backwards, and when I am through
If this house isn't empty, I'll eat all of you!
Nine was the robber who left looking pale
Eight was the tiger who chased him to jail
Seven the blackbird, flew off to Havana
Six was the monkey who stole a banana
Five was the turtle who crawled off to bed
Four was the dog who went home on a sled
Three was the cat who pounced on the rat
Two was the rat who left with the cat
And one was Johnny.
One was Johnny who lived by himself
and liked it like that.
-Words by Maurice Sendak. Music by Carole King. Vocal stylings by Tavie.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 6:23 AM | shower me with attention
Whatcha think?
Why are you in Tavie's head? 6:17 AM | shower me with attention
Why are you in Tavie's head? 6:17 AM | shower me with attention
The other day in anthro class my prof used the phrase "like Egypt was". I got all excited and could not show it. But since then I've been listening to the Michael Penn song of that name a lot.
a three day binge
on the lunatic fringe...
Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:44 AM | shower me with attention
a three day binge
on the lunatic fringe...
Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:44 AM | shower me with attention
Saturday, May 12, 2001
Much of today was spent watching VH1's 100 Greatest Videos countdown with my mother. This was how I made a most shocking discovery. I am still not over it. It came when that "California Girls" video was being shown. This is when I discovered:
My mom loves David Lee Roth.
Not only does she know who David Lee Roth IS, and not only does she LIKE him ("He's fun, he's a silly, quirky guy!"), she has seen him in concert.
I was shaken to the very core of my being by this mind-boggling news. My mother is a completely different person than I thought she was. Everything I know about myself and the world has been thrown into question.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:22 PM | shower me with attention
My mom loves David Lee Roth.
Not only does she know who David Lee Roth IS, and not only does she LIKE him ("He's fun, he's a silly, quirky guy!"), she has seen him in concert.
I was shaken to the very core of my being by this mind-boggling news. My mother is a completely different person than I thought she was. Everything I know about myself and the world has been thrown into question.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:22 PM | shower me with attention
Can you really taste the difference between caffeine free and regular Diet Coke? I cannot. I almost started tasting the difference between Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi the other day, but I decided I was crazy.
Speaking of Pepsi, I went to the Pepsi corporate headquarters with my aunt and my mom today to walk around the manicured, modern-sculpture-rich garden/park there. It was nice. I transferred two tadpoles from a pond into my empty Diet Pepsi bottle, then felt guilty and soon deposited them in another pond, probably ruining the ecosystem beyond repair. Then we went back to Tante Joan's house and had barbecue and watched The Producers.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:15 PM | shower me with attention
Speaking of Pepsi, I went to the Pepsi corporate headquarters with my aunt and my mom today to walk around the manicured, modern-sculpture-rich garden/park there. It was nice. I transferred two tadpoles from a pond into my empty Diet Pepsi bottle, then felt guilty and soon deposited them in another pond, probably ruining the ecosystem beyond repair. Then we went back to Tante Joan's house and had barbecue and watched The Producers.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:15 PM | shower me with attention
I am such a fan of sarah's artistic sensibilities.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:08 AM | shower me with attention
Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:08 AM | shower me with attention
So, that drinking only Diet Coke thing worked until I started getting what I think were aspartame headaches. The only thing left now is to take me back behind the barn and shoot me.
Finding a barn on Roosevelt Island should be a challenge.
Tomorrow, barbecue and Tante Joan's house to celebrate Mother's Day. I didn't get mom a card, flowers, anything. I have no money. I have a little money in the bank. That she gave me. Must buy her something with her own money tomorrow.
I still have a gift certificate to Henri Bendel's (which I went to for the first time the other day to replace the MAC foundation that Kirsten broke) but my mom doesn't really go in for that beauty stuff. Still, gotta use up that gift certificate.
Was supposed to go to Andrew's school today to see him dance, but aspartame headache kept me in and asleep. Been feeling down lately. Food issues still. Really have to get back on this. Need to go to Ade's house again.
I'm all thrown off from not being at Mint Manor this weekend.
Kitana's birthday Monday.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:01 AM | shower me with attention
Finding a barn on Roosevelt Island should be a challenge.
Tomorrow, barbecue and Tante Joan's house to celebrate Mother's Day. I didn't get mom a card, flowers, anything. I have no money. I have a little money in the bank. That she gave me. Must buy her something with her own money tomorrow.
I still have a gift certificate to Henri Bendel's (which I went to for the first time the other day to replace the MAC foundation that Kirsten broke) but my mom doesn't really go in for that beauty stuff. Still, gotta use up that gift certificate.
Was supposed to go to Andrew's school today to see him dance, but aspartame headache kept me in and asleep. Been feeling down lately. Food issues still. Really have to get back on this. Need to go to Ade's house again.
I'm all thrown off from not being at Mint Manor this weekend.
Kitana's birthday Monday.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:01 AM | shower me with attention
This thing working yet?
Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:57 AM | shower me with attention
Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:57 AM | shower me with attention
Thursday, May 10, 2001
I got back the paper on Rhodesia. It was a 95. 90 for the paper plus 5 for doing the oral presentation.
Over half the class didn't show up to do their oral presentations.
I sweated and fretted about having to present that paper in front of the class, and all for five lousy points.
Bloody 'ell.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:09 AM | shower me with attention
Over half the class didn't show up to do their oral presentations.
I sweated and fretted about having to present that paper in front of the class, and all for five lousy points.
Bloody 'ell.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:09 AM | shower me with attention
toomuchdietcoketoomuchdietcoketoomuchdietcoketoomuchdietcoketoomuchdietcoke
too MUCH diet COKE too MUCH diet COKE too MUCH diet COKE too MUCH diet COKE
TOO MUCH DIET COKE TOO MUCH DIET COKE TOO MUCH DIET COKE TOO MUCH DIET COKE
TOOMUCHDIETCOKETOOMUCHDIETCOKETOOMUCHDIETCOKETOOMUCHDIETCOKETOOMUCHDIETCOKETOOMUCHDIETCOKE--
Why are you in Tavie's head? 2:45 AM | shower me with attention
too MUCH diet COKE too MUCH diet COKE too MUCH diet COKE too MUCH diet COKE
TOO MUCH DIET COKE TOO MUCH DIET COKE TOO MUCH DIET COKE TOO MUCH DIET COKE
TOOMUCHDIETCOKETOOMUCHDIETCOKETOOMUCHDIETCOKETOOMUCHDIETCOKETOOMUCHDIETCOKETOOMUCHDIETCOKE--
Why are you in Tavie's head? 2:45 AM | shower me with attention
Wednesday, May 09, 2001
Dear Tavie's Unrealistic and Pathetic Hopes and Expectations:
Fuck you.
Sincerely,
Tavie
Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:28 PM | shower me with attention
Fuck you.
Sincerely,
Tavie
Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:28 PM | shower me with attention
I came to several profound realizations today but lost them all somewhere between school and the subway.
I must do that art homework.
I must learn to enjoy my youth while I still have it.
I I I must must must I I I I I I must must must must must must.
This is the current default thought in my head during the down-time:
Where be the love?
What's that supposed to mean? The love be all around me. Best not to question the default questions too carefully.
I stopped making things rhyme on the down-time. I find that sad. (Must disregard the fact that that first statement did, in fact, rhyme, for it is completely irrelevant.)
Need more Diet Coke.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:26 PM | shower me with attention
I must do that art homework.
I must learn to enjoy my youth while I still have it.
I I I must must must I I I I I I must must must must must must.
This is the current default thought in my head during the down-time:
Where be the love?
What's that supposed to mean? The love be all around me. Best not to question the default questions too carefully.
I stopped making things rhyme on the down-time. I find that sad. (Must disregard the fact that that first statement did, in fact, rhyme, for it is completely irrelevant.)
Need more Diet Coke.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:26 PM | shower me with attention
I am embarking upon an experiment to see how long a person can last subsisting only on Diet Coke and their own bodyfat.
Start your watches. Let's see how long this experiment lasts.
(My prediction: five "long" minutes.)
Why are you in Tavie's head? 7:13 PM | shower me with attention
Start your watches. Let's see how long this experiment lasts.
(My prediction: five "long" minutes.)
Why are you in Tavie's head? 7:13 PM | shower me with attention
I feel I should get reacquainted with Asti.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 7:12 PM | shower me with attention
Why are you in Tavie's head? 7:12 PM | shower me with attention
Someone fall in love with me. Now.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 7:11 PM | shower me with attention
Why are you in Tavie's head? 7:11 PM | shower me with attention
Was listening to 'Til Tuesday today, specifically, "On Sunday". Came up this line:
So your pain becomes another souvenir
and your souvenirs become your world
Almost cried.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 12:57 AM | shower me with attention
So your pain becomes another souvenir
and your souvenirs become your world
Almost cried.
Why are you in Tavie's head? 12:57 AM | shower me with attention
Tuesday, May 08, 2001
My Erica, best friend since Kindygarten and senior at Pace, wrote me a long, rambly, encouraging, tear-inspiring and beautiful email after my latest whiny blog entry. I will indulge myself a bit and quote a piece:
As you continue in your studies you'll find what's out there that's been discussed to death already, and it'll make you consider what haven't been paid attention to yet...
...But now I'm realizing that I don't want to squander any of my talents (whatever the heck they may be) anymore. And I'm thinking about how unnecessary and wasteful it would be for you to squander any of your talents too. But it's not too late for us, is it? :)
When did she get so wise?
Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:29 AM | shower me with attention
As you continue in your studies you'll find what's out there that's been discussed to death already, and it'll make you consider what haven't been paid attention to yet...
...But now I'm realizing that I don't want to squander any of my talents (whatever the heck they may be
When did she get so wise?
Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:29 AM | shower me with attention
Monday, May 07, 2001
Oh, I got Goose a present at MoMA yesterday. When and where shall she collect it?
Why are you in Tavie's head? 7:30 PM | shower me with attention
Why are you in Tavie's head? 7:30 PM | shower me with attention
I haven't been very talk-y this semester. Particularly not in English class, which is historically a talk-y subject for me.
We've gotten two written assignments so far, one paper and one midterm, both months ago, and he only returned them to us this week. I got A- and A+, with comments about needing to flesh out paragraphs more, and a question at the end of one appraisal: "Since your viewpoints are so fresh, why not speak up more in class?"
It's like he suddenly realised I exist, because he called on me about a million times today. Usually he calls on the same few people (disproportionately gay boys, since the class is made up of mostly gay boys) to read or blither on about some fine point in some text. Today, I had to explain plot points, describe characters, and read a very wordy part aloud in a Joe Orton play. I did so in a bored, emotionless tone, as I am not accustomed to reading lines in front of people. I suppose I'll have to catch up on my English reading if this pattern is to continue. I did get a laugh; during one stage direction when the character I was reading is supposed to laugh, I paused, shrugged, and said dryly, "Ha ha ha." I think I have a career as an actress ahead of me.
Yesterday my mom and I were talking about Life, Careers and Wasted Potential and I asked her if I could get the job my dad has now. (I've taken the Civil Service exam and get sent offers for clerical positions, usually in Brooklyn mental facilities, for some reason, from time to time.) She looked surprised and said, "Of course."
This was a bit depressing. I know very well that my father has a very low-level, monotonous clerical position at the New York State department of labour, and that, unlike my mother, he never moved up in the ranks because he never felt the need to. (My mother is by far the breadwinner in the family.) But the idea that at this point in my life I could very well just take over for him, start now as a clerk and eventually work my way up to middle management-- fair pay, dull days, hoarding hours and money for vacations like my mother does... and this is how I see my life turning out. I'll fall back on civil service, waste a lot of potential. Anthropology will never take; I'll be frustrated by my lack of ability to make any sort of substantial contribution to the field, and the fact that teaching doesn't interest me (and, in fact, terrifies me).
Wasted Potential is a theme in my family. Who cares that my father taught himself to play the piano almost brilliantly by ear despite not reading a note of music, can draw and illustrate beautifully with no instruction, has calligraphed at a professional level for so long that he's forgotten how to write normally, can mimic accents and pick up bits of languages like some sort of pro? He's a low-level civil
servant at 63, and will retire as such.
I see a pattern, I really do. I'll be a civil servant, and I'll draw the signs for birthday and retirement parties in my office. "Oh, Octavia" (I'll have given up trying to make people know me as 'Tavie' for convenience's sake), they'll say, "I didn't know you could draw." Or sing or write or play several musical instruments terribly. "Oh, you know," I'll say, "it amuses from time to time."
Why are you in Tavie's head? 7:18 PM | shower me with attention
We've gotten two written assignments so far, one paper and one midterm, both months ago, and he only returned them to us this week. I got A- and A+, with comments about needing to flesh out paragraphs more, and a question at the end of one appraisal: "Since your viewpoints are so fresh, why not speak up more in class?"
It's like he suddenly realised I exist, because he called on me about a million times today. Usually he calls on the same few people (disproportionately gay boys, since the class is made up of mostly gay boys) to read or blither on about some fine point in some text. Today, I had to explain plot points, describe characters, and read a very wordy part aloud in a Joe Orton play. I did so in a bored, emotionless tone, as I am not accustomed to reading lines in front of people. I suppose I'll have to catch up on my English reading if this pattern is to continue. I did get a laugh; during one stage direction when the character I was reading is supposed to laugh, I paused, shrugged, and said dryly, "Ha ha ha." I think I have a career as an actress ahead of me.
Yesterday my mom and I were talking about Life, Careers and Wasted Potential and I asked her if I could get the job my dad has now. (I've taken the Civil Service exam and get sent offers for clerical positions, usually in Brooklyn mental facilities, for some reason, from time to time.) She looked surprised and said, "Of course."
This was a bit depressing. I know very well that my father has a very low-level, monotonous clerical position at the New York State department of labour, and that, unlike my mother, he never moved up in the ranks because he never felt the need to. (My mother is by far the breadwinner in the family.) But the idea that at this point in my life I could very well just take over for him, start now as a clerk and eventually work my way up to middle management-- fair pay, dull days, hoarding hours and money for vacations like my mother does... and this is how I see my life turning out. I'll fall back on civil service, waste a lot of potential. Anthropology will never take; I'll be frustrated by my lack of ability to make any sort of substantial contribution to the field, and the fact that teaching doesn't interest me (and, in fact, terrifies me).
Wasted Potential is a theme in my family. Who cares that my father taught himself to play the piano almost brilliantly by ear despite not reading a note of music, can draw and illustrate beautifully with no instruction, has calligraphed at a professional level for so long that he's forgotten how to write normally, can mimic accents and pick up bits of languages like some sort of pro? He's a low-level civil
servant at 63, and will retire as such.
I see a pattern, I really do. I'll be a civil servant, and I'll draw the signs for birthday and retirement parties in my office. "Oh, Octavia" (I'll have given up trying to make people know me as 'Tavie' for convenience's sake), they'll say, "I didn't know you could draw." Or sing or write or play several musical instruments terribly. "Oh, you know," I'll say, "it amuses from time to time."
Why are you in Tavie's head? 7:18 PM | shower me with attention
Saturday, May 05, 2001