tavie.com

Oh, Aimee says this also:
"All that I need now
is someone with the brains and the know-how
to tell me what I want, anyhow."

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. Exactly.

I have often thought about all the people in my life who have taught me things, and made lists of exactly what those things were, you know. Sort of a count-your-blessings sort of deal without any religious implications. So, what do I have?
Mom taught me how to read (and walk and talk and brush my teeth, but my favourite is the reading thing.)
Dad taught me how to draw.
Kirsten taught me how to sing.
Tante Joan taught me how to skip.
Don taught me to notice the details.
Erica taught me how to braid.
Steph taught me how to swim.
Adam taught me how to whistle.
Ade taught me about anthropology and living and driving and growing up and old comedy and drugs and rock and roll and how to get rid of the hiccups.
Linn taught me how to knit.

I was sure there was more...

Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:05 AM | shower me with attention

Boy, does Craig Kilborn suck. I mean, truly. Why does Aimee keep doing his show? (Yes, I know the answer. And power to her.)

Aimee says this:
"Like most amazing things,
it's easy to miss
and easy to mistake,
for when things are really great
it just means everything's in its place."

It made me all melancholy and contemplative about Art and Magic today, and I thought after my anthro class I would just walk and walk and walk around the city and feel like a real person, but after the class it was really cold so I just went home.

God damn me.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 12:49 AM | shower me with attention

Wednesday, February 21, 2001

Some things.
1. I know too many nice people. Nice people, stop contacting me! I can't stand it! I'll never be worthy. My plate is full. I am bloated with and drowning in sweet people. And I've got a sweet tooth; don't think I can resist if you people just stumble along into my path. You have to actively steer yourselves AWAY from me.
2. How does everyone know I have a blog now? I'm so embarrassed about it, you know, because I just don't understand the blog culture and I implemented it thinking if I learn how to make it nice I can replace my Foley Updating System (as it currently stands) to be more conveniently, you know, updated. But then, as we all did, I started enjoying the "sound" of my own "voice" and my omphaloskepsis ("navel-gazing", chilluns) and here I am. Notice how no entries are marked with a "pm".
3. I'll be John Adams from 1776 now: Is anybody there? Does anybody care? Does anybody
see what I see?
4. Seriously, how does everyone know I have a blog? Is it tattooed on me somewhere? Even my SISTER found it, and god knows she's not interested in the minutiae of my
live. It's eerie, man. And embarrassing. I am now the typical insomniac TMBG-loving alternateen wannabe talking to herself online.
5. ERIN, get over here and FIX this thing. Make it pretty. Make it useful. Make it match my wardrobe.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 6:15 AM | shower me with attention

Mr Sondheim says:

"Stop worrying if your vision is new.
Let others make that decision,
they usually do.
You keep moving on...

...everything you do,
let it come from you
then it will be new.
Give us more to see."

and also,
"It isn't so much
you do what you like as
you like what you do."

Easy for him to say, being a Genius and all. :P

And also...

Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:08 AM | shower me with attention

By the way, I don't really think I'm all that Charming and Delightful, but, you know, it helps to fake it. It really does. A lot of people are fooled. I highly recommend trying it. Pretend like you're Charming and Delightful. A lot of people are easy to fool... usually the really Charming and Delightful ones are eager to see that quality in others, and you can fool them into thinking you're One of Them. The plus is, you get to be friends with the Truly Wonderful that way.

That's pretty much my friend-making strategy. Aren't I original?

Why are you in Tavie's head? 12:58 AM | shower me with attention

The Documentary premieres in Aspen in 10 days and I can't wait to hear the feedback about it from ----. I wish so badly I could go there; why can't I be rich and famous and powerful? I just want it for the perks like this, you know. Not that I don't get enough perks just from being charming and delightful (oh, humour me), but, man, do I want to see this Documentary.
What helps me is thinking of it as sort of a "class" thing; it's modern-day feudalism. The Rich and Famous class let us worship and exault them; in return, we work till the fields of adoration and spend all of our money to see them and sweat and sigh and wish that WE could be Rich and Famous; not all of us, of course, but just "me in particular". We're perfectly happy having the system as it is, we just wish that WE weren't fan/serfs.
I just hope that one day us peasants get to see The Documentary, too.
For some reason, I feel proud of the success of The Tour. As if I had a hand in it. And, well, I'm acquainted with those who DID have a hand in it (an unsung hero or two, if you will) and I AM proud of THEM.
And where would the tour have been without the fans?

Oh, Ade, finish your book. The world must become familiar with the contribution of Fans.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 12:57 AM | shower me with attention

Tuesday, February 20, 2001

Wait, I have more to say. Gosh this is fun. This really is what the inside of my head looks like, I guess. Although the mental picture I usually get of the inside of my head really comes out of "Donald Duck's Adventures in Mathemagic Land" more than a web page. You know, there's this part where Donald is so overwhelmed by all the math going on around him (I sympathize strongly) that the magical force/guide/voice goes into his cluttered mind, which looks like an office with open filing cabits and cobwebs and papers piled around, and sweeps it out.

Speaking of Donald, I finally watched Chris's "Greg the Bunny" tape and now I have a bone to pick with him. The label on the tape says he gave me a bunch of episodes, like six, but there are only two episodes om the tape. I must see more of Greg the Bunny's adventures! It's unfair to introduce me to this character, let me fall in love with him, and then take him away and whisk yourself off to Hollywood to become TV Guy with no time to make me a new tape with the proper number of episodes!
DAMMIT, MR BEETLEBY!

Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:41 AM | shower me with attention

Another weekend at Gina's; another night of _Dracula_; another underwear night at the Barn.
The petty worry of the night: my art homework for tomorrow night's class looks like something that an eleven-year old girl would draw on the cover of her diary. I'm not being modest; I'm very realistic about my "abilities" as a draftswoman, and the work is crap because I hated the assignment. (Three drawings: one flower; two flowers; an arrangement of flowers; use graphite and/or charcoal.)
I know: who cares about a stupid art assignment? It means little not only in the scheme of the universe, my life, my semester average, or even my art grade.

I think I just need SOMETHING to worry about. I think I'm Telly from "Sesame Street". If I don't have something to obsess over, get bored and restless.

On a yellower note, my scrambled egg scarf is finishe! And it is beeeeyooootiful! It's huge, more like a shawl, I probably will have to stagger around under its weight, but I MADE IT MYSELF!!

Thank you, Linn, my knitting guru!

What will I do when Linn goes back to Sweden? I must find some way to get Bono at my beck and call. It's the only way.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:31 AM | shower me with attention