i feel bad...i didn't want anyone to feel bad that *i* feel bad. i just needed to vent : P

i do wish i was at mint manor right now though. sounds like a wonderful time and just what i need. forgive me for missing your visit, steve.

i'm anticipating an emotional conversation with scott in the near future. he hasn't called me in at least three weeks and then called yesterday around 1:30 to ask why i wasn't at practice...oh, sorry, was i supposed to know from my telepathic abilities that we even *had* practice? even today, i'm missing my second practice in a row. i'm not able to face them right now (not all at once anyway). i've been very emotional for the last week or so and when scott called today to see if mike and i were on our way and i told him that mike alone was on his way and he asked me why i wasn't coming i automatically started to cry. so for me to be there in person with all of them in front of me would have been fruitless. scott is the source of the problem and there is no reason for me to fall apart in front of *everyone*...it's bad enough i did it in front of mike. he feels this is all his fault, poor thing.

it's weird though...mike was consoling me last night after i threw a mild tantrum about scott and how i felt a little out of control. last week i thought it was partly premenstrual...well, now i'm significantly *post*menstrual and i still feel the same. he told me i have seemed sad for a while but after september 11 he feels i slowly "fell apart". odd...considering i wasn't directly affected by the tragedy (although i was tremenduously affected by it indirectly through my friends). i seem to simply be in a cleansing process. i am ridding my psyche of all the emotional garbage i've managed to store there (and anyone who has ever been to my place knows how long i can leave things laying around ).

matt, i know nothing about what you plan to study in college or which school would be the better for your course of study but i have an opinion on which school you should choose ...purely for selfish reasons though...oh-so-chic providence and not-so-chic cheryl would be happy to have you here...with goose also it would be too good to be true.

a bad case of verbal diarrhea from Cheryl 15:38