tavie.com

Please, I am not whining: I am documenting.
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I feel very heavy and tired and slow, as if I am made of cannonballs and sandbags and swimming pools full of gelatin.

I can't remember if I took my Gleemonex today or not. I'm afraid to take it just in case. Better to overdose or underdose?

When I'm lying down I feel restless and quaky. When I'm standing I feel dizzy and sort of sleepy and nauseous.

I fell asleep again last night at 4 am, by imagining all sorts of disgusting, painless but bloody things. I feel very, very heavy, especially around the chin and neck, which is normal for me after I've eaten badly. I fell asleep by imagining things like carving knives carving blubber off like in "Moby Dick", and roasting on a spit until the fat drains off, liquid. I imagine these things in a very emotionless, intellectual and perverse sort of way. The images are very vivid; there's blood and oozing, and skin blistering and burning and cracking. I suppose I'm some sort of roast pig in them. Where is this coming from? In my head, I'm white dough and dark brown shadow-circles for eyes.

While I was asleep I dreamt I was on a subway with my sister and two guys walked through the car; one was dressed as a brown chicken and one was dressed as an egg. I called after them, "Hey, which of you guys came first?" and laughed at my joke. The chicken turned around and pulled out a gun and pointed it at me. I woke up with the "My Little Ponies" theme song in my head.

I want to sleep all the time, and the thought of going out is exhausting. I sleep so much I get restless but still can't think of going out. This is bad. I should be at Mint Manor right now. Why is this happening? The weather? Gavin said it's the weather that makes people go insane and declare personal bankruptcy...

Why are you in Tavie's head? 12:57 PM | shower me with attention