tavie.com

Who wants to sponsor me on my trip to Disney World?

When I was in grade school we did this St. Jude's Math-a-Thon things, where you get people to pay you a nickel or something for every math problem you do and then donate the money to St. Jude's Cancer Hospital.

So, hey, who wants to help keep me on my diet? Every time I'm tempted to eat a churro or a handful of popcorn or one of those frozen-orange-juice-and-vanilla-ice-cream-swirlies that you get in Adventureland, or any of the other millions of Disney World treats that don't fit into my diet plan, and don't eat them, I'll make a mark on a little pad and then you give me money for every mark.

And if I fail even once, then I have to pay you for every mark.

Well, it's a good idea, but no one's gonna go for it.

If this helps at all, here's a top-of-my-head list of Disney World treats that are completely legal for me: giant pickles at Aunt Polly's, smoked turkey legs (formerly out of Frontierland, now from just about everywhere), cappuccino from the cart outside City Hall on Main Street, Diet Cokes in giant Spaceship-Earth-shaped mugs. Um. I can't think of any more. See why I need to be sponsored? For every turkey leg you find, there are ten churro guys. For every Aunt Polly's pickle, there are twenty root-beer float stands.

They need to have just guys in Mickey Mouse suits selling cheese on a stick. That I could eat: cheese on a stick...

Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:55 AM | shower me with attention