tavie.com

I just learned something surprising on this web page: the name Tavie, more than just being short for Octavia, "the eighth child", can also be a name in its own right, of Celtic origin, meaning, get this: twin.

How appropriate-- and bizarre-- is that? My name means twin. I am a twin.

Last night I had a strange episode wherein I was reading Angela's Ashes and then became sleepy. I turned out my light, and for absolutely no reason, I imagined myself adult and with a child, and my mother a grandmother, and my father a grandfather. And then I thought my father probably won't be around long enough to be a grandfather, even if Kirsten or I do have children one day, because he's 63 now (and diabetic and doesn't take terribly good care of himself). This made me extremely depressed and I imagined my parents dead. Then I thought about how hard they work, every single day, to feed and clothe and house and buy rubbish for this lazy, spoiled daughter of theirs who at almost 22 has worked a total of three days in her life. They get up at the crack of dawn and slave in government offices all day to make her fat. And then I thought, what silly things to think, and I tried to fall asleep, but I had that helpless, unexplainable sadness of the very sort that I used to have when I was 10 and in the hospital. And I chided myself for ever forgetting what that feeling was like, and I cried and cried. I wanted to wake Gina up, but I did not want to wake her. I wanted to call my mom, but I didn't want to wake her up at 4 in the morning. So I reverted to the old tricks I used back in those bad days to comfort myself, and I told myself a story to fall asleep. The story got fuzzier and more disjointed in my brain until I drifted off:

Once upon a time there was a giant Viking named Orr, who lived in a deep and dark cave surrounded by pine trees near the top of an enormous mountain. Every day, Orr would cut down the largest pine tree, and tie a piece of licorice string to it, the longest piece of licorce string in the world, and he would use this as a fishing pole. He would sit on the rocky ledge in front of his cave, and from way up there he would cast his line into a great silvery lake. He was trying to catch the Fish of Fortune. He didn't need bait because the licorice string was the most delicious string in the world, but sometimes just for fun he would put on big rubber boots and stomp around the swamps looking for worms the size of tree-trunks to put at the end of his line, but they would usually eat the string before he even got a chance to cast off, so mainly he went worm-hunting just for a change of scenery. The Fish of Fortune liked the string so much that they would fight each other to bite it. "Why are they called the Fish of Fortune?" the giant asked one day, and his pal Yahn said, "Because the Fish are very rich and all live in condos on Palm Beach", and Orr said, "Really?" and Yahn said, "No, you silly, they're called that because some people one day thought that maybe the fish might be lucky and that anyhow the Fish of Fortune was as good as any a name for them. People are silly that way in that they need to make up stories and legends about everything." So one day Orr was sitting there with his tree-trunk licorice-string fishing pole and he felt a tugging and he pulled up the most enormous fish he had ever seen...

At this point the story was dissolving into images of the Peter Pan ride at Disney World and Mark playing poker and then I was asleep.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 2:29 AM | shower me with attention

Thursday, June 14, 2001

Top 11 of 11 Total Search Strings

# Hits Search String

1 6 21.43% bitch slapped
2 4 14.29% dave foley
3 2 7.14% tavie dave foley
4 2 7.14% it's pat! pictures
5 2 7.14% blond pictures
6 2 7.14% jersey masseurs
7 2 7.14% tabitha southey
8 2 7.14% you are my candy girl
9 2 7.14% kathie_lee pics
10 2 7.14% tabitha southey
11 2 7.14% words to julie andrews

Vote on the most disturbing search string now.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 7:09 PM | shower me with attention

Oh, it's pretty much official: I'm going to Montreal to see Kitana and Ade and Scott!

I know that may seem silly, as his show is coming to New York for a nice chunk of time, but I haven't seen Kitana in a couple of months and I probably won't get to see her again until September (when Scott comes) and that's too long to go.

erin is reading The Bell Jar, the book which made me deathly afraid to ever have sex, ever. (There. That's my excuse.)

Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:02 PM | shower me with attention

Why is this page white again? I removed 19 fucking MBs of crap just so that wouldn't happen. GODDAMMIT.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 2:54 PM | shower me with attention

serra adds to Steph's original question (see her blog for more details, it's too hot to type that much):

now try these!

fabio, lionel from thundercats, conrad bain. GO!

Aren't they all the same guy underneath?

I'd marry Mr Drummond, sleep with Lion-o, and throw Fabio off the cliff to see if anything tries to peck his eye out on the way down.

I can't even stand the thought of getting near enough to Fat Bastard to do anything. I've never seen the first Austin Powers but I saw the second one a few nights ago and I almost threw up whenever Fat Bastard was on the screen. I loathe fat suits. They scare me so much. I'd rather have a menage a trois with Will Ferrel and Bob Saget than get anywhere near someone in a fat suit. The upcoming Jiminy Glick thing is horriffic to me because of the Martin Short factor alone, but put him in a fat suit... I'll have nightmares for years.

Now:
Carrot Top, Jabba the Hut and Kato Kaelin.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:07 AM | shower me with attention

Sure is hot in here. Very humid. The one thing I do miss about home (besides the cats, and I suppose the turtle) is the air conditioning. Gina has an air conditioner but she hasn't installed it. I would do it, but I don't know where it is, or how to install an air conditioner. I will not ask her to, because she is sick. She has laryngitis. I woke up and came downstairs today and she was on the tufon in her pajamas. She'd had to come home from work. I will certainly not ask her to install an air conditioner. Especially since she will feel compelled to apologize for it. I like that she says "I'm sad" rather than "I'm sorry", because "I'm sad" seems slightly sarcastic, and that's the right attitude for her to have, I think. I may have to reinstate the Sorry Jar if she gets any worse.

Speaking of nickel-collecting jars, what I thought was the episode of Mr Show that got me hooked was on tonight. I just taped it. It turned out not to be it, but still a hilarious episode. This was the Evil Tel-a-Thon. For some reason I thought that was the same one where the boy (David Cross) comes out in the wheelchair and says the doctors say he could walk if he wants to but he doesn't feel like it. I've only seen that once but it was the sketch that got me irrevocably hooked on Mr Show.

Sure is hot in here.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 12:52 AM | shower me with attention

Tuesday, June 12, 2001

Alt.fan.us is the best song anyone ever wrote for me. {g}

Well, us. Wrote for us. I may cry. I need a recording of it, please.

Right now, listening to Gina's vinyl record of "The Wiz". Fuck I love this record. It's so damn good. Everyone should get it.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 8:39 PM | shower me with attention

Today is a beautiful anniversary.

Actually, it's two. Until 2 years ago, June 12th was merely the anniversary of the birth of one of my favourite comedians and favourite personalities, Mr Scott Thompson. I believe he's 42 today. I love him. He's sunshine.

Then, 2 years ago, my good friends Ade and Djin were in town visiting. We had just gone to see Dave at Conan and had a marvelous, if slightly nerve-wracking time, and the next day were off to see a screening of "The Wrong Guy" at the Screening Room on Varick street. It was part of the Toyota Comedy Festival. When we got there, Jordan was there. (Jordan is a great guy. He used to post to the newsgroup and I've known him through it for years.) We were the three of us standing around the coffee bar before the movie when two women approached us. One of them said, a little timidly, "I'm sorry if this sounds weird, but are you on the kids in the hall newsgroup?"

That's how we met Gina and Cheryl. I can speak for most of us when I say that our lives haven't been the same since. Mine certainly hasn't; I'm posting this from Gina's house right now, after all. That day was the beginning of something truly great. It's more than friendship; we're all different, and, moreover, better for having known each other.

The day was magical. Of course, Dave was there, and that was wonderful in and of itself. It's funny and fitting that the first day Gina and Cheryl met me is also the first time they met Dave. (I stepped back to let them have their moment with him, but not before getting an enthusiastic double-fisted handshake and an enormous blue-eyed grin cast down upon me!) Afterwards we all wandered the Village until we found an Italian restaurant. The six of us sat there for hours, getting to know eachother and telling three-thumbers. (Well, Jordan was a little quiet, but that was understandable.) Later, having said goodbye to Jordan, we went back to Ade's hotel room and met Erica there, and the six of us all crowded up into the tiny, chic little room to watch KITH tapes. Finally, the hour greweth late and we all took Cheryl down to the bus station to send her back to Rhose Island.

It's terribly fitting that Aimee mentions this day in one of my favourite songs from Bachelor No. 2, "Ghost World":

Twelfth of June, a gibbous moon
Was this the longest day?
Iwalk down to the bay
and jump off of the dock and watch the summer waste away.

That song's become especially special for us, of course. I think it's almost as special as "Susan" for me, just because of that lyrical coincidence binding me and my goils. (And Scott, who might as well be a goil, dammit! ;)

And that's it. We haven't looked back since. Adventures abound. Personalities emerge and brighten. Life whirls onward. Happy anniversary to my goils.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:17 PM | shower me with attention

Oh, I've been playing with this game that Gina has. It's called "Casino", and you can make a character to play the games using a feature called "Facemaker". It has quite a selection of features and I've become addicted to it. I'm making everyone whose face I can even vaguely recall in my mind.

This is what I came up for my family:

Dad, Mom, Tante Joan (my mom's sister). Kirsten, me. I couldn't for the life of me make my uncle, Don. They just did not have any of the right features for him.
All of them have a few problems; they didn't have my mom's characteristic hairdo, my dad's hair is actually a darker grey, my hair isn't red, and my sister never wears a cowboy hat. But still, they're pretty dead-on.
-----
I love Goose's anti-Disney page. Yes, I. I think it's brilliant. I can't believe she made it in grade 8. I didn't even know what the web was in grade 8. And I certainly wasn't writing like that. It's very cool to be friends with a real, live genius. This is the best:

Bugs Bunny could easily be wicked. Mickey Mouse would never dare.

(Earlier, I blogged about how I had been to Disney World 20 times and how I love EPCOT. These things are certainly true. And?)

Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:14 AM | shower me with attention

Sunday, June 10, 2001

I think I should address something. Just in case. Earlier, I blogged about how "awesome" Erica is when she's drunk. While this may be true, it should be duly noted that Erica is MUCH MORE AWESOME when she's just herself. This is just in case Erica, who I know reads my blog, somehow allows this "awesome when drunk" description to get caught in her filter of subconsciousness and lead her to abuse alcohol in a dangerous or unhealthy way in the future.

I love Erica in every state; waking, sleeping, drunken, sober, she is equally magnificent, although different in each. I prefer her any way she is comfortable, but not necessarily drunk. She don't be needin' the drinks to make her Aggie. It's simply an interesting experience.

Okay. Just had to say that. {g}

Why are you in Tavie's head? 6:04 PM | shower me with attention