tavie.com

I have realized, upon some reflection, and with the reading of my former secret girlfriend's latest blog entry, that the proximity of my whiny post about her how much of a fan of her writing I am to my post of so-called poetry, looks like I was fishing for compliments.

How embarrassing. I assure you this was not the case; however, since some good came out of it (compliments!), I shall let it go, and end in rhyme:

Between my fears of low self-worth
and my fondness of her prose
she manages to call a truce.
Transforming self-pity into mirth
(without rethorting to light verth*)
and with a word erasing all my woes:
Such is Goose.
(Thuch ith Gooth!)

(*even at this I can't defeat her
she has much MORE respect for metre!)

Why are you in Tavie's head? 2:34 AM | shower me with attention

Friday, March 09, 2001

Goose's writing makes me want to kill myself.

That's a compliment. Now, off to contemplate why the immense talent of others translates itself into self-pity. Perhaps a higher dosage of Gleemonex is in order.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:47 PM | shower me with attention

Going through old files and dug up THIS gem:

What fires you?
Cartoonish faces,
grotesquely out of line?
The sooty spaces
between thick and fine
on smudged pages
upon which proportion
is abandoned, in stages,
in favour of distortion?

What fires me
I'm trying to find
amid well-intentioned
nonsense laced, in kind,
with little-mentioned
flashes that lend
hope that some admire
whatever in me I intend,
with which, to stir a fire.

The angst still seems somewhat refreshing to me. {g} I think it's my favourite one still.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 5:37 AM | shower me with attention

Holy god, I LOVE "Backfire!" And I LOVE the NEW "Ghost World"!!

Oh oh oh, I am in PAIN that my CD burner doesn't work.

Kitana, if I give you a list of songs I NEED on CD, will you burn me one? {g}

Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:38 AM | shower me with attention

Yeah, Steph, I did see, uh, *that*. And the other one, too. I won't specify because I find it creepy... I'll just say I find it very sad that some people get to go to Toronto, and other people do not. :(

Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:06 AM | shower me with attention

And, oddly enough, sarah's new Jude Law page doesn't scroll particularly slowly for me. Is that because my computer is so much slower than everyone else's that I wouldn't notice anyway? {g}

And please god let someone have the John Ritter scrotum episode on tape. {g}

Why are you in Tavie's head? 2:55 AM | shower me with attention

Okay, thank GOD Kitana finally updated, but I am highly disturbed that I have NO idea what "Backfire" is.

Does this mean I have to resign as Aimee Mann superfan?

I mean, I'm just shocked. It's like finding out Dave has made a movie that I've never heard of. (Er, um, that would, um, NEVER *coughCyberWorld3Dcough* happen!

Why am I blogging when I should be finding this "Backfire"??

Oh, I also wanted to say that Kitana's blog appears as a nice maroon on my computer, but as an eye-frying red on WebTV.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 2:54 AM | shower me with attention

Oh, the joys of reading Gina and Linn's updated blogs is magnificent. Linn's evocation of "Aroomba" ("Kwaziness"! Or was that just me that thought of it?) reminds me that tonight I FINALLY saw Waiting for Guffman which was HILARIOUS. And who did I see in it, but DEBORAH THEAKER! (That would be "Papa", who slaps Mark, in said sketch.)

So that was fun.

Also, I just gave Progo a bath and he's looking better than he has in ages. Yay!

And, finally, I once again did something terrible today: sleep. All day. Through my classes. So I've officially missed one of every class this week. No more of that. Can't afford it. My mom doesn't know, don't tell her. It's not like I'm regressing back to high school and dropping out or anything. I think it's the weather (or lack thereof). I just wanted to sleep this week.

Must write that English paper...

Why are you in Tavie's head? 2:40 AM | shower me with attention

Thursday, March 08, 2001

Ooh, Serra! Your blog entry made me smile so:

watched the matrix again last night.
all i could think about while i watched it this time was what a good video
game it would make and how much it parrallels Tron.

Last spring my friend Andrew and I went to visit his father and his brother and the baby. We were left, without prior warning, watching the baby for 8 hours while the adults (ahem, I was 20 at the time!) went out and had fun. We assuaged our boredom by having a DVD-watching party that consisted of Tron and The Matrix.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 6:37 PM | shower me with attention

The hourglass has no more grains of sand,
little red grains of sand...

I would bathe in Glenn Tilbrook's voice if I could.

I can't sleep again. This is an ugly pattern. I just ordered a copy of Jim's play, _Serpent Kills_. That should be interesting.

I read a Virginia Woolf essay and tried to read some of it aloud to Kirsten, but she would have none of it. Never mind the fact that she was trying, at the time, to carry on a conversation with me about our favourite books and authors. The essay was ABOUT books and reading. It was wonderful. But she would have none of it, like I said.

I was telling her that erin was reading Madeleine L'Engle's A Small Rain, which is one of my favourite books, and Kirsten said she had never read it. Luckily, I had a copy of it next to my bed, and gave it to her to look through. She read a page or so, flipped through it, and said she found it boring.
"That's because no one gets killed on the first page." Well, I was annoyed. It's one of my favourite books, don'tcha know. "You're not READING it, you're flipping through looking for the bloody bits." This was perhaps unfair of me, but I was still irritated about the Virginia Woolf thing.
She then criticized me for reading "too many white authors".
"I don't READ authors!" I shouted. "I read BOOKS!"
"Then you read too many books by white authors."
"The skin colour of an author is not a factor in my decision whether or not to read their book!" I said. "You're calling me a racist." At this point I was just looking for an argument, and she wasn't biting. I accused her of only reading Toni Morrison and vampire novels, which she defended herself against nicely, and rolled over and went to sleep.

Next time I'm looking for an argument, I'll look for Michael Palin. (I wonder if HE'S read The Small Rain. (Do you know, the Virginia Woolf essay, by pure coincidence, quoted the poem from which aforementioned book derives its title? I was excited by this coincidence. Kirsten mocked my excitement. This was probably deserved. {g}

Western wind, when wilt thou blow
the small rain down can rain?
Christ, if my love were in my arms
and I in my bed again!

My bed. Damn, I wish I could sleep...

Why are you in Tavie's head? 5:40 AM | shower me with attention

Nicole, Amadeus is my sister's favourite movie.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:33 AM | shower me with attention

Wednesday, March 07, 2001

I've become so entrenched in this blog culture, and so unwilling to even broach the subject of beginning, continuing or completing any homework assignments that may be hanging, Damocles-like, over my head, that I have been obsessively checking every single blog on the list to the left, every five minutes, feverishly hoping that someone, somehwere, would please update.

My hero of the day is Goose's Matt, for this entry.

I will now go and entertain a fantasy in which all my friends date each other, and we all live in a Bit Sitcom House with 3 dogs, 9 cats, a turtle, bunnies, wacky mishaps, annoying next-door-neighbours, and turret rooms for everyone!

Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:01 PM | shower me with attention

My Lily is such a sylph.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 6:32 PM | shower me with attention

Second day in a row I skipped a class. Ow. Guilt.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:30 PM | shower me with attention

Patterns that please me:
erin and serra struck up conversations with strangers.

A lot of people seem to be flying to Buffalo and then planning to drive to Toronto. They should 1. Find out if you CAN take a rental car across the border. 2. All rent a big van and go together. {g} (Okay, maybe Djin and Barb and Steve and Tara don't all KNOW each other, so it's not the BEST plan, but still. {g})

I have a lot of friends with names that rhyme. Nina and Gina. Hannah and Kitana. Linn and Rynn (and to some extent, Djin.{g}) I'm also racking up the Sarahs, Stephanies, Jennifers, Amys and Roberts.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 4:28 PM | shower me with attention

How I got Linn into Elfquest.
A lesson in nerdsuckering.

Step one was making almost constant mysterious references both online and off. That was easy. I say "Shade and Sweetwater" and "Puckernuts" anyway. I figured around The Swedish Girl it would be particularly easy, since she might just take it as yet another American custom that she needs to learn more about.

Step two was bringing over a copy of Book One. Of course I could only find my precious Starblaze (or whatever it's called) edition, and so that had to do. The work after that was easy. The books speak for themselves, and she was already eager to be taken in. (Any girl who'll develop a crush on troll-like Patton Oswalt for his distinctly nerdy predilection for comic books is an easier target than a butterfingered, wide-assed subsitute teacher in a room full of Bart Simpsons.

After that, Books Two and Three. Since I was already spending every weekend at Mint Manor anyway, I figured the next step might as well be moving the entire Elfquest Collection over to Gina's house. That's when I discovered that my hardcover copies of Books 1, 2, 3, 4 and 6 are missing. MISSING.

I brought what I could find over and now poor Linn is stuck at the cliffhanger at the end of Book 5. What do I do? Did I know that the colour editions were out of print? I did not. How could I be so careless? Where is Erica with her relief copies? Poor, poor Linn!

I'm a terrible friend. Will she ever get past this hump and discover the Rest of the Quest? Or will her adventure end with Windkin still in Blue Mountain, my nerd-suckering come to a cruel, premature end? How will I ever get another friend addicted to Elfquest ever again?

Where the hell are my graphic novels?????

Why are you in Tavie's head? 2:58 AM | shower me with attention

Wow, erin's right. This page IS so much better from Internet Explorer that it's almost ridic-lious. How sad that that program keeps quitting on me.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 2:37 AM | shower me with attention

Still nauseous. Today's the first day since I was ten that I've had a headache that's made me nauseous.

If you people whose blogs I read don't update more frequently, I may actually have to do schoolwork, or call dragonrealms or something. I'm jonesin' bad.

Isn't my new page so Bachelor No. 2? Diz-amn, ,erin. You be good.

Last night Kirsten rubbed my head because I had a headache, and she started singing one of the songs that I haven't thought of in ages that we used to sing together, and it was absolutely perfect. (It's a song from The Rescuers.) I was amazed that she knew exactly the right thing to sing, and tried to test her. "What movies, seemingly unrelated, do I relate this song to?"

She answered promptly and perfectly. "Splash and The Boy Who Loved Trolls."

I'm still amazed whenever she does that. It must be a twin thing.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 2:33 AM | shower me with attention

Tuesday, March 06, 2001

I feel like to puke. Perhaps not staring at the computer screen is in order.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:10 PM | shower me with attention

By the way, none of the links on the top work. Maybe some day they will. Who knows.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:13 PM | shower me with attention

So? Am I not right? Is not erin a genius? She didn't even KNOW that the colours of this new design match my 2 sets of lucky underwear. (I'm sure you needed to know that.)

(I just sent her away because "I can't blog with people".)

Um. I'm hungry. This layout rules. erin is brilliant. That's all I can think of. We're going to go eat now.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:09 PM | shower me with attention

This fucking-ass computer is a fucking-ass piece of goddamn fucking-ass crap.

Every time I type out something really long it freezes just before I hit "send".

What the fuck was I saying?

Oh. Andrew's sister, Asti, emailed me today. She found this page. I had to explain to her who Dave was. That was surreal.
I'd say Asti is the closest thing I have to an older sister, but I have so many adopted older sisters that I'll just call her family. She's known Kirsten and me since we were incubator frogs.

If Gina and Linn aren't going to update their blogs ever, and I know they don't read this one, perhaps I'll change their blogs into amusing renderings of what they might look like naked.

Also. I'm very much enjoying the "Why I Should Be Jealous of YOU" wars between Goose and Goose's Matt. I can settle it all by saying that I'm jealous of BOTH of you.

My back itches.

Finally, I'll leave off with something from _The Importance of Being Earnest_, which I read in the bath tonight, that I find very much describes Usenet, and particularly any newsgroup that I participate in:

Jack:I am sick to death of cleverness. Everybody is clever nowadays. You can't go anywhere without meeting clever people. The thing has become an absolute public nuisance. I wish to goodness we had a few fools left.

Algernon: We have.

Jack: I should extremely like to meet them. What do they talk about?

Algernon: The fools? Oh, about the clever people, of course.

Jack: What fools!

You said it, Oscar.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 5:12 AM | shower me with attention

Monday, March 05, 2001

By the way, thank you very much, Stephanie, for getting "Man in the Mirror" in my head. :P

"Turn up the collar on
my favourite winter coat
these winds are blowin' my mind.
See the kids in the street
ain't got enough to eat
Who am I to be blind
pretending not to see them weep?"

(You don't want to know why I know that song so well.)

Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:08 PM | shower me with attention

Classes cancelled after 3 pm, AND Sociology was a hoot! Good times.

Where the hell is Richard?

Now I have two options: I can go do my art homework, or I can surf the internet until I become sleepy and then go back to bed.

Which one do you think I will choose?

Why are you in Tavie's head? 3:06 PM | shower me with attention

Jess sent me a "Wrong Guy" mug. I was going to have my first drink of coffee from it this morning. I was reading a post on alt.dave from Celia asking about it and went to get it so I could describe it exactly, and found it not-where-I-left-it, but in the cupboard, freshly washed.

My dad put it in the dishwasher.

The decal's all rubbed off. It's a naked mug... just a tiny shread of blood-stain and "ong uy" on the corner.

:~~~(

I asked them not to put it in the dishwasher.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 5:48 AM | shower me with attention

I can't sleep. I want to sleep. I can't sleep. No one's awake. Why can't I sleep? Kirsten's in my bed again. I should get in there with her and try to sleep. Maybe I want to read. Do I want to read? Schoolwork? Not-schoolwork? Where's that Oscar Wilde book? I need to find that before class tomorrow. Class toDAY.

I'm lonely and buggy-eyed. I feel sleepy but not tired. Or tired but not sleepy. Something, something.

What if I'm the only person left in the world?

I always think I'm the only person left in the world when I can't sleep.

Last night on "Malcolm" Dewey had a bad dream and he told Hal and Hal got scared. That was funny. I found out that my mom and Kirsten watch "Malcolm" every week. How surprised I was! I had no idea, because I'm always at Gina's when it's on. (It is customary for me to leave after "Malcolm".) Wow, Mom and Kirsten are cooler than I thought.

I've got that restless leg thing where your leg won't stop shaking. One time Erica had that on the subway and an old lady came up and got up in her face and asked her if she was on drugs or something. I don't remember. The lady was very rude. Anyway, this was RIGHT after we had just met Dave outside of "Regis and Kathie Lee". It was April 1, 1998 (1999?) I think. He was promoting "From the Earth to the Moon". I remember that he held out his hand and shook Erica's, and just as he held out his hand to shake mind I popped 2 ibuprofen in, very obviously, before shaking his hand. I think that was very rude. What a spaz I am. And yet he was incredibly, beyond-the-call-of-duty nice then, if I recall correctly. {vbg} That was a momentous day, actually. What a terribly nice fellow that Dave is. Really way too damned nice.

I guess I'll go look for Oscar Wilde or shove Kirsten over and try to sleep or something. I have a class in a few hours. I wonder if it's snowing.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 5:23 AM | shower me with attention

Avant garde film chronicles middle-aged men as Kids.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:55 AM | shower me with attention

Sunday, March 04, 2001

I wonder if Mark McKinney is still living mostly in Toronto. It's so unfair. He's supposed to be OURS. New York loves Mark McKinney, god dammit.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:00 PM | shower me with attention

Andrew keeps IMing me singing lyrics from "Fame".

Andrew's taking an acting class taught by Grandmother Winslow from "Family Matters". At the end of the semester they're putting on an off-Broadway show. Andrew's assistant director and is also singing and dancing in it, which means he's never free on Saturdays. :P
He's the closest thing Kirsten and I have to a brother. He's four years younger. His brother, Adam, is Kirsten's and my age and we all grew up in the same 2-family house together in Brooklyn. Then they moved away and Adam got all serious and withdrawn and joined the Army and had a baby with his girlfriend, whom he has custody of. Savannah, she's cute. But it's all very weird and I don't really know Adam too well anymore. Andrew's like my brother, though.
He's very bright and sensitive and fancies himself a vampire, I think. He has just enough teenage boy in him to keep him out of the New York Times Sunday supplement. {g} But I'm working on him. He lives in the city with his mom (no comment on her) and goes to a high school called "Beacon".
We like to dress up in feather boas and prance about the apartment singing various showtunes. His favourite is "Cabaret". He makes a very good emcee.

None of which explains the "Fame" thing. What is UP with that?

Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:57 PM | shower me with attention

So I got 42-down wrong... but thank you, Goose, for the "Popeye" answer.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:45 PM | shower me with attention

I wonder why so many people who sign my Guest Book think Dave actually reads the thing. I mean, why would he?

I just find it strange. I'm not putting them down or anything, and I certainly don't mind whatever anyone cares to write-- hell, I'm flattered anyone ever actually takes the time to sign the thing-- but, well, why would he?

::shrug::

Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:08 PM | shower me with attention

Goose's Jesus post reminded me of my favourite Gerard Pardilla story, "Neither".

I, as usual, miss the Pardillas.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:02 PM | shower me with attention

erin is a genius.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:45 PM | shower me with attention

Linn and I had a nice, long conversation over knitting late the other night that pretty much boiled down to Aimee's line, "All that I need now is someone with the brains and the know-how to tell me what I want anyhow."

So, what's the point? Does anyone know? Is there a point?

If I loved myself more, would I do better things and take better care of myself and present a better picture to the world and be happier? Or would I just be even more self-involved than I am now?

More importantly, 59 across: "'Popeye' creator". _ _ _ a l

HELP!

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:30 PM | shower me with attention

Um, hey Goose? Yours is the coolest nickname ever, you schmuck.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:16 PM | shower me with attention

You know what Kitana said here? I did the EXACT SAME THING.
::high five, fellow Goose fan!!::

Why are you in Tavie's head? 9:13 PM | shower me with attention

OH MY FUCKING GOD, GOOSE! Your latest blog made me make a repetitive sound like a donkey trying to hack up a piece of hard candy!!!!

So funny I almost died.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 6:25 PM | shower me with attention

Gina took me to her friend Terry's house tonight and I got to use Terry's computer there to read my email and post a thing or two, so I'm still at Mint Manor 'til tomorrow afternoon.

How much of an addict am I? Couldn't wait ONE more day to check my email.

Well, and glad I did, because we decided that we ARE going to Toronto for that Humber benefit thing! Whoopee! Cheryl, too! It will be so much fun. I can't wait to see Kitana again! So I'm excited about that, although I don't have any money and still don't know how I'm going to GET enough for this trip. (Mom? Um, yeah, I want to go to Toronto *again*...)

I thought of another connection between "Never Been Kissed" and me: I saw in the cast, as the names rolled by, that one of the actresses in the movie was named "Octavia L. Spencer". An Octavia in that movie! Come on, it's a sign. (I think it was the big black lady who worked at the newspaper. Octavias are always big black ladies. Except me. :)

I still haven't done my anthro reading or my art homework.

They say there'll be a blizzard tomorrow. It had better come AFTER I get home. Of course it won't snow enough for classes to be canceled officially, it never does, but I wonder how many of my professors will actually show up...

Ahh, we're going to Toronto!!! And just around Linn's birthday, too! It will be a Dave-a-riffic Birthday Extravaganza for her!

I dreamed that I was in Aspen watching the Documentary and Dave and Crissy were in the balcony, and every time I looked up at them they both would make scary faces at me, and I would laugh and shake my fist at them. After, they both came down and Crissy told me laughingly that Dave thought they should try and make me cry. I stuck my tongue out at him then, but in a good-natured way. After that, somehow, JIM (Millan) and I were in the balcony and he was being all snuggly for some reason. That was a pretty nice dream. Goofy Dave and Crissy, snuggly Jim. I could have more dreams like that. {g}

Finally, I called home today and my dad said that (Tennessee) Steph had called... from Staten Island! She's home for spring break already! Why I oughtta--!! That's just like her... she NEVER calls and tells us when she'll BE home, she just calls when she gets there!

Someone's looking for a whoopin'. {g}

Why are you in Tavie's head? 1:49 AM | shower me with attention