tavie.com

I wonder if it's a worse to be a Fan of someone and know, always, that they're an Entity, and that there's a certain level of closeness that can never be achieved, simply by virtue of status, or if it's worse to know someone first, and wholeheartedly enjoy their company, and later, discover that they, too, are an Entity, and their status as such is growing, and to discover, too, that now you are a Fan of theirs, too. And realize at this point that you've drifted apart, in the natural course of casual Friendships, but this new element of Fandom is there, and so the drifting is made suddenly awful by that fact. Suddenly you want things from them that you never wanted before they were an Entity. You hate that about yourself. You were never like that before. And you've switched sides completely: from Friend to Fan. From Fan to Friend rarely, if ever, gets beyond a certain point; but there's a retreating from a certain point that happens from Friend to Fan, and that's painful. Reduced to its simplest terms: it is worse to know what you've lost than to never have gained.

So I think Friend to Fan is worse.

I miss her.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:29 AM | shower me with attention